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Original poster

Supporting a partner with long term health (e.g. high blood pressure)

149 replies

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 18:50

My partner has high blood pressure. We are in our early 30s and he has had hypertension since his mid 20s. We’ve been together for 4 years.

He manages it pretty well, cooks food with little salt, exercises and balances stress or takes time off Work when it gets too much. He gets headaches often which he will nap off and will take medication only if his blood pressure is super high.

Now that our relationship is becoming serious, I’m starting to wonder what more I should know about high blood pressure - I’ve googled it - but I guess I’m looking for real life situations. I’ve asked him how I can support (his answer is living a stress free life).

I guess I’m scared something bad could happen. Does it get worse as you age?

How have some of you dealt with partners with health conditions such as HBP?

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 28/04/2024 19:57

This really doesn’t stack up. I think you need to do some more digging, OP.

Nofilteratall · 28/04/2024 19:58

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/04/2024 19:55

No one has to ‘look after me’

Take his meds and he can have a normal life - no need to 'nap things off.' High BP doesn't turn you into an invalid, but a stroke might.

Exactly. When I was reluctant to take the time off work my gp sat me down and explained the (hugely) increased risk of a stroke or heart attack. She was very clear and actually said that a stroke is the worst option as you can end up still alive but unable to do anything for yourself - a total invalid at 40.

Soontobe60 · 28/04/2024 19:59

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:06

@Autumcolors he isn’t overweight. Yes it’s genetic, both parents have it but we’re affected later in life.

He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period.

No he doesn’t monitor it. I’ll tell him to get a machine. He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel.

That’s not how the meds work. It’s not like paracetamol. He needs to take it as prescribed, every day.

Chewbecca · 28/04/2024 19:59

This is daft.

There is no reason for him, or you, to treat HBP as a chronic condition that needs support. It entirely controllable and can be pretty much forgotten about. I am on BP meds and DH is barely aware of it. He is, however, called on to help with other issues which are far less controllable and far more debilitating.

Untreated HBP will very likely lead to dangerous illnesses.

135/80 isn’t very high.

It’s a good idea to have a healthy lifestyle, HBP or not.

Nofilteratall · 28/04/2024 19:59

Should add that this was a year ago. I take all the meds every day, have 6 monthly blood tests for kidney function and work and live as normal other than checking my bp at home semi regularly

HesterPrincess · 28/04/2024 20:01

Have I read this right? He's got genetic high BP, takes meds when he feels like it and has symptoms? But has a perfectly normal BP reading that isn't actually high....

Sorry OP but I'd be looking for a new partner, one with a bit of common sense.

IAmThe1AndOnly · 28/04/2024 20:02

135 over 80 isn’t high.

My guess is that he had his bp taken once, that was the reading, and now he’s invented a health condition to be able to opt out of doing things, including going to work.

He’s taking you for a mug.

ABwithAnItch · 28/04/2024 20:03

my dad has had scarily high blood pressure his entire entire life. He is now 80. He has seemingly no real side effects from this condition. His heart is fine, his kidneys are fine et cetera et cetera. He has never had any other side effects. apparently, my grandfather had the same issue. my DH has high cholesterol. And has had it his entire adult life. similarly he doesn’t seem to have any ill health effects from having this condition. They have run every test imaginable on him. He has no blockages and no side effects. He tried to take cholesterol -reducing medication but couldn’t because of the side effects, it made him feel terrible. I do think that there are people who have health indicators that are out of the range of normal but seem to suffer no ill effects from them. if your partner is healthy in all other ways, I wouldn’t worry too much about high blood pressure

BeaRF75 · 28/04/2024 20:03

My husband has had a similar issue for 20 years. I don't have to "support" him because he takes his medication and it's not an issue. He is far more knowledgeable about health and medicine than I am, so I also don't need to discuss it with him - as an issue, it is hardly ever mentioned. We are all responsible for our own health - or lack of - so I'm not sure that any type of "fussing" would make any difference, tbh. The OP's partner can make his own choices.

googleyourheartout · 28/04/2024 20:04

What meds does he take OP and how is he getting him? The GP should be checking his BP a couple of times a year to make sure its stable and that the meds are working.

Wisenotboring · 28/04/2024 20:08

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:06

@Autumcolors he isn’t overweight. Yes it’s genetic, both parents have it but we’re affected later in life.

He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period.

No he doesn’t monitor it. I’ll tell him to get a machine. He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel.

This attitude is absolute madness. Obviously only his GP can provide proper advice based on his circumstances, but the cumulative effects of high b.p are serious and as he is so young he could easily run into some life ending/changing difficulties by his 40s or 50s. Why doesn't he want to take medical advice if he has been offered medication? Tbh, I would have to seriously consider my long term future with someone I wasn't married to who took such a cavalier approach to health.

holjam · 28/04/2024 20:12

purpleme12 · 28/04/2024 19:26

This is such a strange post
I have high blood pressure. No one needs to manage me.
Is he actually telling the truth? It's just such a weird post

This exactly.
I don't get it.

theduchessofspork · 28/04/2024 20:13

I wouldn’t tie yourself to him until he takes his health seriously.

Unmedicated high BP leads to strokes and heart attacks. It does tend to get worse with age, so you could either be a widow or dealing with a husband completely disabled by a stroke.

His attitude is nuts TBH

notanotherrokabag · 28/04/2024 20:14

Ok, so you need to know that he's someone with zero understanding of his health.

  1. Headaches aren't caused by high BP except in vanishingly rare cases of malignant hypertension
  2. BP meds only work if you take them every day
  3. you can't 'feel' high blood pressure
  4. high BP doesn't make you need a nap.

Honestly, I couldn't be with someone that stupid. Do you want to be caring for him when his lack of care for his health gives him early cardiovascular disease?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/04/2024 20:17

Does feel like either the OP is being taken for a bit of a ride or BF is woefully ignorant about what HBP means.

theduchessofspork · 28/04/2024 20:17

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:32

Thanks for the responses. I agree I’ve never really understood blood pressure (I understand how it works and the science behind it and the fact that it leads to risk of heart attack etc) - but I’ve never known anyone talk about it.

He is currently at 135/80 - which I know is pretty high so concerning!

I will bring up the chat about medication. It probably is pride which is so frustrating.

Thanks all for being honest.

Ok I missed this post - so this is even weirder - 135/80 isn’t high - I mean it’s a tiny bit high and he should aim to get it down but in no way would he have headaches from this.

Is this just a made up condition?!

I’d be even less likely to marry him, he sounds like a fantasist..

checkedshirts · 28/04/2024 20:18

I take meds to control my bp. I was hospitalised once when it hit 220/140.

Other than that I take 2 kinds of bp meds and no one would even know. He doesn't need help to manage anything but does need to take meds if prescribed (135/80) is not even particularly high. I'd presume on no meds it would be way higher and if her actually took meds he'd need to monitor it to prevent it being too low.

Why doesn't he have a bp monitor? It's the first thing our gp advises as well as lifestyle and dietary advice.

His story doesn't add up. He wouldn't need to take time off for it and I'd be surprised if a bp that low gave him debilitating headache. I think he's swinging the lead.

notanotherrokabag · 28/04/2024 20:20

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:32

Thanks for the responses. I agree I’ve never really understood blood pressure (I understand how it works and the science behind it and the fact that it leads to risk of heart attack etc) - but I’ve never known anyone talk about it.

He is currently at 135/80 - which I know is pretty high so concerning!

I will bring up the chat about medication. It probably is pride which is so frustrating.

Thanks all for being honest.

135/80 is an entirely normal blood pressure.

Destiny123 · 28/04/2024 20:22

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:06

@Autumcolors he isn’t overweight. Yes it’s genetic, both parents have it but we’re affected later in life.

He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period.

No he doesn’t monitor it. I’ll tell him to get a machine. He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel.

As a Dr, that's nuts. Hypertension is rarely symptomatic unless it's stroke level high and vision is at risk. If it was high enough to get meds prescribed its crazy to not take it

soupfiend · 28/04/2024 20:24

My doctors wont even take me off my meds even though my BP is really good now having lost nearly half my body weight. They say its a silent killer so may as well stay on the meds as a preventative, my dad had a stroke in his 60s, Im not far off that now. I panic when I miss a few doses.

HeddaGarbled · 28/04/2024 20:24

My H used to have high blood pressure but now he takes the prescribed medication and doesn’t. It took a bit of fiddling to get the dosage right.

romdowa · 28/04/2024 20:25

Untreated high blood pressure will likely lead to a stroke. I wouldn't be getting into a serious relationship with someone who refuses to manage a risk like this. My own father had a stroke in his 40s simply because he didn't take his medication. It ruined all our lives and he has been left with permanent brain damage.

soupfiend · 28/04/2024 20:29

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:32

Thanks for the responses. I agree I’ve never really understood blood pressure (I understand how it works and the science behind it and the fact that it leads to risk of heart attack etc) - but I’ve never known anyone talk about it.

He is currently at 135/80 - which I know is pretty high so concerning!

I will bring up the chat about medication. It probably is pride which is so frustrating.

Thanks all for being honest.

I thought you said he hasnt got a monitor, so where is this reading from?

At his age a good reading is around 120 over 70 but that reading is not really troublesome. Even when I had quite high BP, you wouldnt believe the number of medical professionals who said 'Im not worried about that'. Im talking like 160 or 170 over 90 ish

They all view it quite differently but I wouldnt say that reading for your OH is high at all

Supersimkin2 · 28/04/2024 20:32

He takes time off work for high blood pressure?! It’s a risk factor for disease - not a disease.

But it’s not bad enough for him to take pills….