Supporting a partner with long term health (e.g. high blood pressure)

[theprincessthepea]

My partner has high blood pressure. We are in our early 30s and he has had hypertension since his mid 20s. We’ve been together for 4 years.

He manages it pretty well, cooks food with little salt, exercises and balances stress or takes time off Work when it gets too much. He gets headaches often which he will nap off and will take medication only if his blood pressure is super high.

Now that our relationship is becoming serious, I’m starting to wonder what more I should know about high blood pressure - I’ve googled it - but I guess I’m looking for real life situations. I’ve asked him how I can support (his answer is living a stress free life).

I guess I’m scared something bad could happen. Does it get worse as you age?

How have some of you dealt with partners with health conditions such as HBP?

Maybe.
Just that coupled with the the oddness of the thread

Lol. We don't even treat BP unless it's consistently over 140/90.
He's an attention seeker.
Move on.

This is a strange thread.

It sounds like he has hypochondria/health anxiety. Any medication prescribed for very mild hypertension would start on a very low dose and be titrated up. There is no way it would cause dizziness or blurred vision.

And, in the unlikely event that it did, the normal response would be to go back to the GP, not to quit driving!

The headaches could be anything, probably entirely unrelated to the BP. As others have said, headaches are caused by massively high bps. I once had a bp of 235/120 ….and no headache.

He should just live a normal life and just monitor his blood pressure at home occasionally. No reason to have a stress-free life or not to have a normal career.

I mean, this is partially true. It will be much harder to get all those things. And as I said in a previous post, if he doesn't take his meds his life insurance will be invalidated.

But obviously people with severe and even terminal illnesses CAN get travel insurance and go abroad. It's just much more expensive.

As @MrsDanversGlidesAgain says, he’s an idiot for not taking his medication and he’s probably enjoying getting you all worried about him.
He’s irresponsible and manipulative.

I was investigated for a thyroid condition (thankfully benign). When I was signed off I moaned to the consultant about having to take daily tablets for BP (and it IS a big mental shift to go from taking no medication to being on it, especially when you're young) and he looked at me over his glasses and said he had people much younger than me on much more medication (so essentially, shut up and count your blessings). I understand he doesn't like it - but then, if he has a stroke he won't much care for that, either.

He's an attention seeker and I can't believe that he is regularly taking time off work for this.

You say he's a teacher. Is a large part of this stress-related, do you think? It's a stressful time of year in most schools at the moment. Maybe he needs to tackle his reaction to stress but likes to say it's BP?

I think the OP meant he doesn't drive when he takes the medication as it makes him dizzy

@theprincessthepea I suspect he’s lying to you. Either because he has health anxiety , in which case he needs medical help.

Or because he enjoys the attention he gets from you / his family / colleagues. And the extra three days off work a year. And any benefits he gets from not driving , such as you doing it all.

Or because he has lost his driving license through an accumulation of points for speeding etc and this is his cover story.

Or because he can’t drive and he’s ashamed to admit it .

Or perhaps he’s telling the truth about having high blood pressure but he’s so stupid and pig headed he won’t take medical advice. It’s odd that you live together ( and presumably share a bathroom and bedroom ) and yet you have never seen these meds that he’s been prescribed that he should be taking daily.

Which ever one it is, it’s a big red flag for your future together. Im afraid that Men with untreated health anxiety or who are conmen do not make good partners or fathers .

I advise you to investigate further and decide do you want to stay or go. Of course if you go to the Gp appointment with him today you will get many of the answers you need.

I STRONGLY advise you not to make any commitments to him, such as buying a flat together or worse still, getting pregnant. Please make sure your contraception is VERY reliable.

The readings he is claiming aren't that bad, however, I'll bet it's a lot higher when he gets the headaches. I'm doubtful that he's admitting how high it is then.
There are reasons usually why BP is high so young, there is a familial hyperlipidemia that leads to high cholesterol and in turn high BP. If its that, he should be on statins. Tackling the cause is as important as treating the BP.
What's he like as a person? Is he a stress head? He has some odd notions around his health. I get he's young, but if he doesn't accept what he needs to do, his body will age well before its time.

I'm on Blood Pressure tablets (should probably have been on them late 40s but...) I'm now in my 50s.

I don't like the fact that I am but having watched my mum die of vascular dementia I'm wary of strokes.

I'm also trying to exercise, eat well etc etc but I need the tablets.

It's quite possible that 2 different things are going on her (or multiple) and he is stressed at work that is bringing on headaches that are nothing to do with blood pressure.

But you don't pick and choose with the medication, you are either on it every day or your aren't.

First you say: "No he doesn’t monitor it. I’ll tell him to get a machine. He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel."

Then you say he does have a machine.

As others have said, an average reading of 135/80 is slightly raised - not high. BP goes up and down according the time of day and other factors. So he needs to be taking a couple of readings a day for several days and averaging them.

If he is getting a prescription from his GP, I would expect his GP to be monitoring his BP annually.

You've said you don't know which type of BP med he is taking (there are dozens) but I'm wondering whether he is taking a beta blocker, if he's only taking the occasional one. But if his GP was concerned about his BP, he would be expecting him to take a daily beta blocker - not just take the odd one when he thought his BP might be raised. And if the medication did make him feel dizzy or affect his eyesight, there are plenty of others he could try instead. So has he been prescribed a beta blocker for stress rather than for persistent, mildly raised BP?

The way he is "managing" a slightly raised BP, does not make sense.

His GP may might ask him to take a few days of readings at home and send them into the practice for review.

I'm a bit older (mid 40s). My BP has been around 135/90 on average for nearly 2 years and my GP says that's nothing to worry about! I'm normal BMI, fairly active.

I have a yearly checkup when I do a weeks's readings. During the pandemic I handed it over and said 'Reading went up to 140 mid week, that was dealing with toxic manager' and the HCP just said no worries, readings vary over the day. I'm usually around the high 120s low 130s anyway.

I have had high BP since my late 30s. It was in the top end of normal and I had no symptoms. I found out when it became an issue during pregnancy.
Post pregnancy it didn’t return to normal. My consultant explained that I could manage it with lots of lifestyle stuff but realistically it would be unlikely to work.

I have been on medication for 20yrs not to significantly lower my BP, they are low doses, but they work as a preventive reducing the damage that longterm raised blood pressure causes.

As a result, 20yrs on my risk of stroke/heart attack has changed very little.

Also with regard to “feeling” your BP is high, unless it’s dangerously high it is usually symptomless.
As pp have said many people are prescribed beta blockers for anxiety attacks. They are prescribed to be taken when required.
At such a young age beta blockers would not be the drug of choice for hypertension.
OPs partner would also be on an annual review if BP was a problem. He would not be able to get repeat prescription without review.

OP does your partner use his BP as an excuse or to manipulate? If so then maybe it’s time to rethink your future. You don’t want to find yourself doing everything for him just because his BP is a little raised. If it is already making him a professional invalid then I would be concerned about the future.

It could be beta blockers. That would make more sense for taking them when he feels like it. But it's odd you don't know.

Mine was 190/110 and nurse put me on blood pressure medication - but I had to measure it twice a day and record it for a week first.

It's come down now after 5 days to 145/100. Got another appt in a month with nurse to see if it's working or if I need to try a different tablet.

135/80 isn't high. I wish mine was as low. I am on 4 tablets a day, every day, (2x calcium channel inhibitors, 1x ACE inhibitor and 1x diuretic) to keep mine below 155/90. I'm 48.

High BP is not some long term condition you need to support your bf for.
But - after he has a stroke, or heart attack, or other natural outcome of his refusal to manage his condition - THEN you’ll need to be his carer, etc.

Personally I’d not get into a serious relationship where my partner gambles with his health and is being stupid about it. As in the end - it’ll not only affect him, but also the relationship and my life. And life of future children.

If his BP meds gave him unwanted side-effects - he needs to tell GP and find alternatives. Many are available.

Just being young and exercising is not going to save him from what’s coming his way.
He has a chronic condition and needs to manage it as an adult. It is not a ‘choice’.

Take out good life insurance and let him crack on. Not your responsibility and nothing you can do.

I don't know what the hell is going on here but it seems like he's pulling a fast one on you. He wouldn't be medicated for 135/80. If he was, you don't just take a BP pill once and everything is hunky dory. It's not like popping an aspirin for a headache. The effect is cumulative and can take up to 3 weeks to have a proper effect. I've no idea how you can live with someone and not know what the medication is. It will be there in your bathroom won't it? It sounds like he has mental health problems and just hasn't been able to discuss these with you for whatever reason. A beta blocker when he feels bad would fit with that.

I disagree with most of the comments, you sound extremely suited to each other!

This And life is full.of stressful situations so I don't see how he can avoid stress.