Supporting a partner with long term health (e.g. high blood pressure)

[theprincessthepea]

My partner has high blood pressure. We are in our early 30s and he has had hypertension since his mid 20s. We’ve been together for 4 years.

He manages it pretty well, cooks food with little salt, exercises and balances stress or takes time off Work when it gets too much. He gets headaches often which he will nap off and will take medication only if his blood pressure is super high.

Now that our relationship is becoming serious, I’m starting to wonder what more I should know about high blood pressure - I’ve googled it - but I guess I’m looking for real life situations. I’ve asked him how I can support (his answer is living a stress free life).

I guess I’m scared something bad could happen. Does it get worse as you age?

How have some of you dealt with partners with health conditions such as HBP?

No words except I hope he has an organ donor card.
Utter utter stupidity.

He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period.

That makes no sense. High blood pressure is often, or even mostly, symptomless. He can't rely on headaches to tell him he's having a 'bad period', and bp can spike suddenly and cause a stroke or a heart attack.

I've been on bp medication for 16 years. I take it every day, as you are supposed to. Your partner is playing Russian roulette with his health.

You can support him by telling him he needs to take his medication every day.

I'm not saying run straight away but the OP needs to know that the BF is playing Russian roulette here. She needs to point that out and if he won't take it extremely seriously then she needs to consider her options; because if he's that cavalier with his health he's not IMO going to be very caring about hers or that of any children.

OP - my DF had high BP and a stressful job. Despite being on meds he dropped dead with a massive stroke aged 40 leaving a widow and three DC, two of them under ten years old.

Thanks for the responses. I agree I’ve never really understood blood pressure (I understand how it works and the science behind it and the fact that it leads to risk of heart attack etc) - but I’ve never known anyone talk about it.

He is currently at 135/80 - which I know is pretty high so concerning!

I will bring up the chat about medication. It probably is pride which is so frustrating.

Thanks all for being honest.

When you said high I thought you were talking a lot more than that. I've been higher than that and GP was unworried because it varies over the day. BUT - big BUT - if GP has him on meds then he needs to take them. And monitor regularly, doesn't have to be every day.

Get the headaches checked out would be my priority.

He's being very odd about it. I was diagnosed with high bp late 20s or early 30s and wasn't overweight. I take the meds and occasionally get an email from the gp surgery saying I need to book in a review and I have my own monitor at home. I can't feel my high bp so I think he's talking bollocks there. When I was pregnant I had pre-eclampsia (didn't realise, couldn't 'feel it') for the first child and after birth of the second my bp went higher and I needed to up meds ever since. I'm also a teacher and I've never taken a day off to help my bp. If he gets that stressed that he's worrying it's affecting his health then he needs a career change. Sounds like he's using it as a bit of an excuse?

High blood pressure can rocket with you knowing it's happening.
I've had high BP for years, I discovered it accidentally during a routine check for something else. I had no symptoms. If I forget to take my pills, it can easily go very high again, again without me noticing at all. No pain, no headaches, no nothing.
It is really important that your BF keeps his BP controlled. Failure to do so can result in death - I know, a friend of mine ( a fitness instructor) died from a massive heart attack as the the result of untreated hypertension, with no prior symptoms. Your BF has had the warning in that his parents are sufferers. He needs to act like an adult, and keep checking it, and take the medicine which is so easily available.

My father's first "symptom" of high blood pressure was a (brain stem) stroke. He did not survive (and he was a relatively young man).

Put simply, unmanaged HBP slowly but surely weakens your arteries. I guess you can get "lucky" and have a stroke that "just" leaves you severely disabled, or...

You can take a pill, monitor your BP at home and avoid the whole "brain destroying" thing. Did you know that stroke survivors are at very high risk of dementia later in life?

There are many types of medications available to treat HBP. If one gives you side effects you can generally find another that you tolerate better.

That's not even high, above 140/90 classes as high, and the bottom number is most important and his being 80 is completely typical.
What meds is he sporadically taking? I'd be concerned that he's either got health anxiety or fabricating it for attention or excuses to not do anything.

It sounds like he needs a better knowledge of high blood pressure to start with. He can't just pick and choose when he takes medication. He also has no way of knowing when his BP is high. That's why they call it a silent killer, sorry to be blunt!

He is at high risk of stroke, heart failure, MI, kidney disease, artery damage! It's honestly not worth the risk when there are many medications he can take to reduce them

135/80 isn’t “high” but it’s not good for his age. If the doctors prescribed then he needs to either take the meds he’s been given or try a serious diet change for a limited period.

If he was older he would be given lifestyle and diet advice but no meds. However by the time he is older it will certainly be higher if he doesn’t take action now.

Within 10 years unmedicated this slightly raised reading could easily become a dangerous 175/90.

The consequences are high blood pressure are irreversible, does he know this?

Once your arteries harden or plaques are deposited this can’t be changed nor can the increase risk of health conditions.

This post is still so odd.
If someone had high blood pressure for 10 years with no medicine I'd expect it to be higher that that

Well he's stupid then. It is a silent killer- it causes all kinds if damage and should be controlled to keep it within healthy levels all the time. Taking intermittent medication is a bad idea as it is like putting on and removing a control mechanism- it makes it more unstable.

OP,.I might consider how much you need to support him while he rests and exercises. Just imagine if you had kids together and he couldn't help out due to needing to rest. You might end up doing the lions share while he looks after himself.

It might not end up an ideal life for you....

My GP wouldn't hardly prescribe at that level.

Honestly, I think he's taking you for a ride. I know as mine is slightly higher & even then I had to meditate & breathe for 3 months before they finally started me on meds. Very low dose.

Watch a few YouTube videos, I like the York Cardiology dude. It's not difficult to understand.

And as pp say, it's symptomless & a risk factor, it's really not like arthritis or othef chronic conditions, where you have very bad days.

Exactly from what's written down here it's more likely he's not telling the truth

I've had high blood pressure for over ten years. I've never been advised to rest or take time off work to avoid stress if bp higher than it ought to be - just had medication dosage raised.....

I had a check up recently mine was 185/92. I didn’t want to take meds but had no choice it’s now down to 125/ 60. No side effects.

I have genetic high BP, so I take medication. High BP is generally symptomless and known as 'the silent killer'. I found out during routine checks when pregnant with my eldest. My BP was much higher than his. I'm sorry to say OP that I believe what is happening here is that your partner is milking it. You don't need to do anything to support him. If he complains, advise him to check his BP/book a GP appointment to investigate other issues that could be causing his symptoms.

How does he know its 135/80 if he doesn't use a machine to check it? or does he just 'feel' it's at that level?

He needs to take his meds, every day. It isn't like a couple of paracetamol for a headache. I went to the GP when I felt "off" and suspected a problem, my BP was 204 /104 , immediate meds, much better now because I take them religiously.

He is young and fit to have this condition and even more reason to take it seriously.

ETA, if he gets side effects from one type there are other options to try.

I don’t believe this at all really. First I knew that I had high blood pressure was when I went to the dr about an ‘eye infection’. That turned out to be a burst blood vessel in my eye and a BP of 210/100. My gp said I was lucky I wasn’t dead. Signed off work for 2 months and now on 4 different meds to keep it at a reasonable level. Meds that I have to take every day and likely will for the rest of my life. No one has to ‘look after me’. And with the meds my BP is at an acceptable level (130/80 or there abouts).
If he isn’t taking his meds regularly the dr will know (he won’t be getting regular prescriptions) and I’d be surprised if any gp would be ok with it

He sounds like he's jn denial.

He needs to:

-Take the medication regularly
-Get a BP machine and monitor his BP at least once a day.
-join the gym and go but not without taking his meds regularly to prevent a heart attack
-engage with his GP

If he doesn't he might (sorry if this is upsetting but it's true):

-have a stroke
-have a heart attack
-have kidney failure as your blood pressure relates directly to kidney function.
-die

Why on earth is he not taking the meds? The side effects can be a bit brutal but surely it's better than dying young?

No one has to ‘look after me’

Take his meds and he can have a normal life - no need to 'nap things off.' High BP doesn't turn you into an invalid, but a stroke might.