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Original poster

Supporting a partner with long term health (e.g. high blood pressure)

149 replies

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 18:50

My partner has high blood pressure. We are in our early 30s and he has had hypertension since his mid 20s. We’ve been together for 4 years.

He manages it pretty well, cooks food with little salt, exercises and balances stress or takes time off Work when it gets too much. He gets headaches often which he will nap off and will take medication only if his blood pressure is super high.

Now that our relationship is becoming serious, I’m starting to wonder what more I should know about high blood pressure - I’ve googled it - but I guess I’m looking for real life situations. I’ve asked him how I can support (his answer is living a stress free life).

I guess I’m scared something bad could happen. Does it get worse as you age?

How have some of you dealt with partners with health conditions such as HBP?

OP posts:
Supersimkin2 · 28/04/2024 20:36

Oh sorry, just seen his BP isn’t ‘high’ by a long shot.

But he’s a teacher. Diagnosis sorted.

caringcarer · 28/04/2024 20:37

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/04/2024 19:01

How high is his BP? and he should be taking his medication regularly, not just when he feels like it. 'Super high' is at increased risk for a stroke and he's being an idiot if he doesn't take the tablets.

Is he overweight, does he exercise and how often does the GP monitor him?

This, once you've been put on medication for BP it is generally for life. Not just when you feel like it.

BeyondMyWits · 28/04/2024 20:38

I had undiagnosed high BP which led to a heart attack (mine was 185/90 - not excessive, but too high for me).

I no longer have high BP because I take my medication...
every.single.day

I follow all the rules... low salt etc. But I ALSO take my medication... so that I have a lower chance of another heart attack ... or stroke.

If he is prescribed medication it is for a reason. Like helping to keep him alive. My husband does not have to support me with high BP because me taking my medication prevents it. (And I live a totally normal life)

Original poster
theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 20:40

I haven’t done a lot of digging until recently so sorry I might be naive.

He does have a machine and medicine but isn’t taking the medicine regularly.

He actually doesn’t talk about it lots. He will tel me when he has a headache or when he has been sent home due to being dizzy (that’s happened about 3 times this year). He goes into work everyday unless very ill.

As a PP has said his blood pressure is high for someone this age. Highest has been 140/90.

My takeaway is to encourage him to take the medicine. Maybe there is a side effect he isn’t happy about so will speak about it.

Thanks for being honest. I just had this thought today that if the headaches are linked to BP and if he doesn’t take care of it, the future could be bleak.

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/04/2024 20:40

Supersimkin2 · 28/04/2024 20:32

He takes time off work for high blood pressure?! It’s a risk factor for disease - not a disease.

But it’s not bad enough for him to take pills….

The only time off I had was when first diagnosed and GP wanted the meds to kick in and that was only a few days. The rest of the time it's take the tablets, do a check on the machine (once a month now) and have an annual health check.

Branleuse · 28/04/2024 20:41

135/80
Its not even particularly high.

J0S · 28/04/2024 20:41

That's not even high, above 140/90 classes as high, and the bottom number is most important and his being 80 is completely typical.
What meds is he sporadically taking? I'd be concerned that he's either got health anxiety or fabricating it for attention or excuses to not do anything

This. I suspect he is lying to you @theprincessthepea .

Ask him to make an appointment with his GP / practice nurse and tell him you want to go with him so you understand how to support him better.

If he is telling you the truth he has no reason to say no.

LeanneNZ · 28/04/2024 20:41

Blood pressure medication is for life and taken daily, not just now and then. I started it in my early 40’s and it doesn’t affect my life in any way what so ever. Obviously you have to be aware of not smoking , weight, exercise etc.
Better to take a pill a day than have a stroke!

LostittoBostik · 28/04/2024 20:42

He should be on permanent BP meds: he's at risk of premature death if he isn't

Candleabra · 28/04/2024 20:42

What is the underlying cause of the high BP? It’s unusual to have such high blood pressure in your 20s without another issue.
He should be on meds and taking it VERY seriously. You can’t “feel” if you have high BP. That’s why it’s called the silent killer.

To answer your question - would I marry him? No, I wouldn’t. Not because of his high blood pressure but for his irresponsible attitude towards his health.

Wolfiefan · 28/04/2024 20:44

He’s a bloody idiot if he has high BP and isn’t taking daily medication. You can’t support him. You can’t make him take medication. I wouldn’t want to be with someone making such a stupid choice TBH. (DH has been on meds for about 25 years now. He would probably be dead without them.)

LostittoBostik · 28/04/2024 20:45

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:06

@Autumcolors he isn’t overweight. Yes it’s genetic, both parents have it but we’re affected later in life.

He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period.

No he doesn’t monitor it. I’ll tell him to get a machine. He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel.

My DH didn't want to take meds either. The doctor was very clear with him that his choice meant that he was highly likely to leave me widowed with young children and that his choice not to take them would also invalidate life insurance leaving me saddled with no support when it happened.
He changed his mind after that.

SplitFountainPen · 28/04/2024 20:45

Candleabra · 28/04/2024 20:42

What is the underlying cause of the high BP? It’s unusual to have such high blood pressure in your 20s without another issue.
He should be on meds and taking it VERY seriously. You can’t “feel” if you have high BP. That’s why it’s called the silent killer.

To answer your question - would I marry him? No, I wouldn’t. Not because of his high blood pressure but for his irresponsible attitude towards his health.

Did you read the update, it's 135 over 80 so he doesn't actually have high BP. It's close to ideal and doesn't meet the threshold for medication, so I would be more concerned about what meds he's taking and where he got them from

luckylavender · 28/04/2024 20:45

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:06

@Autumcolors he isn’t overweight. Yes it’s genetic, both parents have it but we’re affected later in life.

He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period.

No he doesn’t monitor it. I’ll tell him to get a machine. He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel.

He definitely needs to take medication. Madness not too.

LittleGreenDragons · 28/04/2024 20:47

Based on what you've written i suspect he is weaponising his health to avoid doing things he doesn't want to do. He won't be able to tell when his BP is high. It's called the silent killer for a reason. You cannot pop a pill when you "feel" it's high, you are medicated for life. Every single day.

Bottom line though, as another pp said, if he doesn't care about his health then you shouldn't either.

EDIT - if he's getting side effects from the medication then he needs to go back to GP. I've been on five so far and still have plenty to try, including taking two at once.

Coldupnorth87 · 28/04/2024 20:47

Sounds much more like stress & anxiety.

Honestly, there's something else going on here.

soupfiend · 28/04/2024 20:47

I found lots of BP meds gave me side effects, vertigo, swollen ankles etc, the one Im on now is ok, so you have to try them

luckylavender · 28/04/2024 20:47

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 19:32

Thanks for the responses. I agree I’ve never really understood blood pressure (I understand how it works and the science behind it and the fact that it leads to risk of heart attack etc) - but I’ve never known anyone talk about it.

He is currently at 135/80 - which I know is pretty high so concerning!

I will bring up the chat about medication. It probably is pride which is so frustrating.

Thanks all for being honest.

That's not very high.

notanotherrokabag · 28/04/2024 20:51

theprincessthepea · 28/04/2024 20:40

I haven’t done a lot of digging until recently so sorry I might be naive.

He does have a machine and medicine but isn’t taking the medicine regularly.

He actually doesn’t talk about it lots. He will tel me when he has a headache or when he has been sent home due to being dizzy (that’s happened about 3 times this year). He goes into work everyday unless very ill.

As a PP has said his blood pressure is high for someone this age. Highest has been 140/90.

My takeaway is to encourage him to take the medicine. Maybe there is a side effect he isn’t happy about so will speak about it.

Thanks for being honest. I just had this thought today that if the headaches are linked to BP and if he doesn’t take care of it, the future could be bleak.

Honestly OP, I would run away. This man is either stupid, or playing the sympathy card - it's only going to get worse as he gets older.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/04/2024 20:51

Coldupnorth87 · 28/04/2024 20:47

Sounds much more like stress & anxiety.

Honestly, there's something else going on here.

When OP said 'dizzy spells' I immediately thought panic attack and health anxiety; which could be a result of being diagnosed with HBP (my diagnosis certainly triggered that due to DF's death). But...I dunno. You'd think if he's been given medication he'd have been told to take it daily, but mental resistance is a powerful thing. Not sure how he's 'sensing' it, either.

AllIWantToDo · 28/04/2024 20:52

Those numbers are far lower than others I know with HBP. It really isn't that high and definitely doesn't require him to act like it's serious, taking sick leave. I say that as someone with a life limiting condition...

mapww · 28/04/2024 20:53

HBP is not called Silent Killer for nothing. He needs to be on medication and take it every single day.

Turmerictolly · 28/04/2024 20:54

I think this is a bit mountain out of a molehill. Millions and millions of people live with higher BP. His doesn't even sound dangerously high but if the Gp has recommended meds then he should take them and make lifestyle changes to lower it. Exercise and destressing will help greatly.

Vastlyoverrated · 28/04/2024 20:56

I don't think you understand HBP, those figures are not that alarming as one-offs, and may not even warrant medication.

He's spinning you a line, that or he feels dizzy and stressed and gets sent home because of that, but it's unlikely to be due to 'high blood pressure' (my husband's was 100/200 sometimes and he felt very ill indeed, due to genetic disorder).

This is all so odd, he doesn't have a 'long term health condition', it's just a risk factor, and if it was HBP, it would be easily manageable, which millions of people do! It's all a crisis out of nothing, I'm not sure if this is coming from him or you but being sent home 3 x in four months is a lot, and I think it's about his stress and not his blood pressure. That does need addressing.

Aussieland · 28/04/2024 20:56

No one feels unwell and has to take a day off work because their BP is 140/90 (outside possible pre eclampsia occasionally). They certainly don’t need “support” outside not being force fed cream and chocolate.
This all sounds a bit weird.