Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OMG - I take it this ones in the bin 🤣

Thanks all for these posts! I’m loving them!

i have been online a couple of months and this chat has been such a support with others experiencing similar things.

I have learnt to be much thicker skinned on here, much quicker to block when someone’s first question is to share numbers etc.

keep sharing your amusing stories and good luck to us all 😃

Hello! So much going on with everyone! I've not been keeping up with the chat, I had a break (kind of) and it has helped but also have somehow managed to arrange a date for later in the week. So didn't do as well as I could with having a break!

First one in a good while so I'm really hoping it's not going to be dreadful. Not lots of texting going on which I think is good for me in terms of not over investing.

It's the perpetual disappointment I struggle with!

Ahh that's amazing that you have a date on the cards ☺️ I agree that not texting loads really helps in not over investing and it also makes the chat so much more exciting on the date! I guess you'll earn whether that works for you the more dates you go on with the different type of people won't you ☺️

I've decided to have a bit of a breather this week... it's my sons birthday next week, it's a sunny forecast and I'm feeling motivated at the gym (motivation normally lasts a week or so 😅) so I'm just going to have a few days of not swiping to enjoy it all! Hopefully I'll get a suprise in the middle of it though, what do they say about things happening when you stop trying 🙈

Thanks lovely @blacksocks33, definitely think a bit of a breather does a world of good, even if you do keep half an eye on things just in case! I've been at the gym loads as well and everything is so much better generally when the sun shines. I'm really not expecting anything from it this time round but doesn't stop it being slightly anxiety provoking!

SamW98 yes definitely! I think I just need to remember that men act according to their dicks not their brains and then I'll be less susceptible to such scenarios 😆

Saw this today

@wtfnow88 this chat is a general education. It would not have occurred to me that first VC with someone I'd just started chatting to might be a naked one from their perspective unless that had been specified in the chat 😆 as you say though it's maybe not that surprising but still not something I would have anticipated!

I've had a 60 year old tell me that he needs to meet soon, to do a chemistry check & indicating he is hoping for more than a snog 🤢 dependent on said chemistry check working in his favour presumably. And when I didn't reply immediately, he unmatched me 😂

Ugh, Mckittens They are grim aren't they. When I'd not long been doing OLD, one of my very first chats (so I was extremely naive & stupid) I was chatting to, asked if he would be able to 'Put his fingers down there & see if you are wet' !!

(Being stupid, I replied)

'I thought we were going to meet for coffee! You aren't putting your hands on me like that when we've just met, & anyway, women don't just walk around 'Wet'. He then said 'I'd be discreet, we could do it under the table, I'd just like to see how wet you are, would you let me?'.

He was in his late 40's. I'm reminded of him every now & then & think 'WTF'.

@NervesOfCotton

🤢🤢🤢

I try to be more or less positive overall and not dwell too much on the negative, but it would be naive not to acknowledge that there are a lot of bad men on OLD.

@NervesOfCotton What makes me think is we interact with such men, and then we blame ourselves for feeling uncomfortable and for being naive.

But this is not normal behaviour. This is not how normal and functional men behave. This is creep behaviour.

I know, cassiatwenty. & the worst thing is, that if we've been doing OLD a while, then we almost expect that sort of behaviour now.

Countless times, I'm sat there thinking to myself... 'Right, now the chats going to turn to sex' (ready with the unmatch button) & then it doesn't, but I'm so paranoid about it now!

The guy who started wanking on the phone it took me a few seconds for my brain to process what he was doing. Its like I could hear him but my head was going ‘no he can’t be’

And I’ll admit it’s made me wary of phone chats as I’m already preparing myself for the perv talk and cutting them off before we’ve even said hello.

@NervesOfCotton I know exactly what you mean. I was on edge this February because I expected every new interaction to turn sexual when I wasn't ready for it.

I think there are some implicit rules some men try to set, say, we can talk as long as you follow my rules otherwise, stonewalling and communication ends.

What I got from Matthew Hussey's podcast someone posted on here is, don't mirror someone else's rules and goals. Model your own rules and goals -- what you want matters. Assertive people get respect.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with male/female sexuality and desire. It just that being creepy makes someone else feel uneasy as opposed to sexy or desired. It shows this lack of understanding of social awareness/cues.

I don't think every man on OLD is bad or creepy. But yes, there are bad men online. If we can't relate to each other in a healthy way, then there is no point in chatting.

cassiatwenty Absolutely! Took me a while, but I'm there now. When I first joined up I was constantly questioning myself... 'Well maybe all the other women do (whatever) so I'm the one in the wrong'.

Now, I'm more 'Well I don't care what other women want/do. This is what I want'.

I mean, not that it's working for me but still

SamW98 I can imagine that! I've actually had good experiences on the phone so far.

I remember before I was single and knew nothing about OLD s woman at work saying how she hates getting dick pics and sending nudes but it’s what everyone does online and if you don’t don’t, you’ll never meet anyone.

So she was sending photos of her bits off right and centre convinced that’s what takes to find a man nowadays.

I remember feeling like that @SamW98 ive been doing old about a year now on/off. But shock at first of the sex talk etc now it doesn’t seem to happen because I shut it down asap. Just this week a guy refused to meet me until I sent “photos” which was a let down because he looked good at first! Back to the swiping!

I'm shocked that it's so common for women to be sending nudes as well (maybe I am naive)!

SamW98 I never sent any pics but I definitely let men send 'Naughty' messages more than I was comfortable with. Because I thought that it was 'normal'. Although it was very one-sided. They'd be 'So what are you doing? I'm laying here in my pants' & I'd say 'Oh I'm just doing the ironing!' Or they'd say 'Tell me what you want me to do to you' & I'd say 'No, just imagine what you want'.

I don't know how I ever thought that chats like that were going to get me a date, looking back now.

At some point, I just stopped. I remember saying to my mum that I'd rather be talking to nobody, than continue to have chats like that.

Tell me what do you want me to do to you

Put petrol in my car, and wash it. Wash and dry all my clothes and then iron it. Scrub my bathtub, hoover the carpet, change my bedding, and make my bed look nice. Then you can make me some sushi and ice-tea, and then we can watch MAFS and you can feed me Frazzles And ofc NO DRAMA !!!!

cassiatwenty Yeah exactly

@cassiatwenty 😆😆😆

This has captured it in a nutshell for me.

@cassiatwenty I’ve a feeling your post will be copied and pasted a few times 😂

Date 3 is coming up tomorrow. Mr Modern's chosen location is interesting, and probably will be quiet with the time we chose. In the last date he praised my elegant look and asked whether I spent lots of time preppping and I said nope, I would wear the same thing everywhere. Total lie, I'm now spending 2 hours doing my nails and ironing my outfit.