Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Tillievanilly it’s just so hard isn’t it. We have had that conversation early on and had both come off. This is just so weirdly out of character. Felt the pulling back but earlier today had sent me pics of what he was up to. He hasn’t replied to the message I sent him about 9pm and he’s showing as being online on what’s app all the time! Why are men such idiots ffs just wish they’d stop messing with us.

@Bestlife18 sorry to hear you're going through this. Good advice from @Okigen - maybe he's overwhelmed with work things in his life.

My date with Mr Local was disappointing. Nice man, but looked much older and seemed much more reserved than I expected. No attraction. But we might go hiking etc together as he lives nearby.

Have started chatting to someone who has all the criteria - looks nice, great teeth 😂 lives nearby, my age. Wants to meet tomorrow or Tuesday. If this one doesn't work out I'm taking a break!

@Bestlife18 Would it be better if you turned off last seen and online?
If not you're just continually checking and it's not healthy.

It seems odd that he came to yours and just slept the whole time - did he say anything about being tired?

Was he just busy this weekend which is why you couldn't meet?

When are you next due to see him?
I'd wait until then and see what happens.

What is your life like outside of seeing him? Do you have hobbies? Friend? A job?
A partner should enhance our life and not be our life.

@Chocolatefreak ooh sounds good… let us know!

After Mr Teeth leaving town before I arrived (I ended up deleting and blocking him after he was then also online the whole time), and a pleasant friends-only theatre trip with someone yesterday (also, great teeth 😂) I am going to delete my app today. For the time I’ve invested it’s just not worth it. It causes me stress more than fun!

Will drop by and see how everyone is going x

Thanks for reply @SortingItOut yeah I have a very busy life and job but just have terrible relationship anxiety largely due to a massive betrayal and a narcissistic ex husband!

So, he had to reschedule his child weekend which is why we have had no plans to see each other this weekend but the lack of contact is weird. He didn’t reply to the text I sent him last night and I haven’t had the usual good morning either. I don’t know whether I am possibly inflaming the situation by now not messaging him this morning or if I’m being needy and pathetic.

I am great in relationships until this bs behaviour rears its ugly head. 🤯

@Bestlife18 hang in there lovely ❤️ we've all been there in some form, you're always welcome to let off some steam, judgement free, here!

I think it's important to be in relationships which support your communication needs. And you should definitely not feel bad about asking the big questions (assuming you haven't already!).

It's horrible when text patterns change. I'm normally a quick tester but this last week I've been awful, with everyone. Even people I've matched with, it's taken me ages. But it's just because I've been really busy! This may be the case for your guy too!

Can I just have one last rant before I go? The guy I met yesterday had originally “super liked” me, we’d chatted and decided to meet as friends only, he suggested he’d buy theatre tickets to a show we both wanted to see and I get drinks. Drinks were only a tea and a soft drink so I offered to pay for my ticket, on principle. He grimaced but agreed (multi millionaire retired at 40, newly divorced). We had loads to talk about but I was drained by the end and made a swift exit. Messaged him later on the app thanking him and asking for payment details. Nothing. After huge convos about kindness and respect and how he was really hurt when ghosted. WTF. I DESPAIR

@blacksocks33 my friends have given me a good talking to today. Basically, he messaged mid morning to say his brand new phone had fallen in the water yesterday and he’d had it drying out in an airing cupboard. His son had also been poorly. It’s still not been the same level of comms, had nothing since but my friend said if I carry on like this I will drive myself mad and just push him away. I’m locking my phone away tonight, putting something on tv and going to let him come to me - or not. But trying to calm down after a terrible night last night. It could just be all true and something else going on in his life like you said that has led to the shift change. Need to chill about it and if he’s messing, so be it (that’s what I am telling myself!)

@Bestlife18 I’m with you on finding a change in comms tricky. I’ve been kind of seeing Mr N for a couple of months but his comms are rubbish. We ended up having a disagreement last week and instead of staying at his I came home. He said he would call me this coming week when he’s back from a trip away. I sent one message in reply and have had to sit on my hands ever since. So sending virtual ‘sitting on hands’ vibes in solidarity …

Unrelated but kinda related

Had a very awkward talk with DF. He said that it's best for me to meet someone in person. He had read about Timberd or something (Tinder 😭) and he figures there are lots of sketchy men there and that some will even send a naked picture 😱

He thinks this dating website works by some mysterious scientific algorithm where they match you automatically by your interests and hobbies. Bless him 🤣

@Browniesandcustard oh bless you! That sounds so tough! I don't think I would be able to manage that, would really trigger alot of anxiety for me. I really need to meet someone who cares about communication because it's so important to me!

I've upped my swipes on tinder and bumble and had 5 matches in each in the last 24 hours. Messaged everyone first with what I thought was really good, interesting messages...... not had one reply. Urgh. Apart from my little dip last week I haven't had a good convo for not shy of 2 months now. I don't know what to do to turn it around!! Anyone else in an absolute slump?!

@cassiatwenty ahhhh! Bless you friend! The coupled up friends are so very clueless aren't they 😅🙈

@Browniesandcustard its so hard isn’t it. My friends told me yesterday I needed to just chill about it 😬 but they were right. I did nothing, didn’t message all day and then when I woke up just now, surprised to see that he had actually msgd me very late last night. I have replied all breezy but going to keep my expectations lower now I think as it’s been a bit of a warning sign. If it helps, my phone actually ran out of charge and I deliberately didn’t charge it back up til bedtime!

Logged back into FB dating after a long period off it. Got chatting to a guy who seemed nice until I asked about his DC and contact, then said he had 3; one adult teen, one primary school and one nursery age. By 3 different women, and he doesn't see the older two.

When I replied saying it wasn't a situation I wanted to get involved in, he replied "harsh" then blocked me! I could never knowingly get together with a man who'd abandoned his DC, but seems like there are so many like this.

Morning, I have a bumble question as something just happened that I have never experienced before.

Someone liked me this morning, we matched and I messaged straight away. The message was then highlighted in red, with a failed to send error message and now the match and message have disappeared. Did he unmatch that quickly?! Lol

It’s a profile that liked me on Hinge last year too but we never matched.

@Starseeking It’s a tricky situation. Did he say something to imply he had abandoned his kids?

@Starseeking i found Facebook was the absolute dregs of the dregs. It was like the lowest point of entry! Also encountered one like that who seemed normal for a few msgs then said he had 4 kids like that with one that was a baby, older teenager at other end. No thanks.

@Bestlife18 sending you a virtual high 5 - it’s just all so tricky 😭🤣

@Browniesandcustard i hate it, hate game playing, hate the nonsense but the not charging my phone up worked for me a treat as I couldn’t even obsessively check it!

With his adult teen allegedly his EXDW had turned the child against him, so the now adult teen refused to speak to him.

With the primary aged DC he had with a woman he met when he lived overseas, he's never even met the DC.

To me that looks like abandonment, whichever way he chooses to sugarcoat it.

I'm primarily wanting to meet a man who has DC as I don't really want to be rushed into any more. I always ask the question about DC and how the man manages the relationship(s) early on, as to me it speaks a lot about his character.

Completely agree re asking questions and the relationship they have with their kids.

I went on a date the other week where all of this stuff came out and there was a reason for everything. However, it didn’t sit comfortably with me, especially when he started bitching about his ex.

Indeed! I hope you're doing well @blacksocks33 It's good to hear from you 😊

Some positive development between Mr Modern & me, feeling like we are getting a bit closer. I need to be very careful since I'm looking for a partner to build a family with. My therapist gave a surprising answer: why don't you introduce him to your friends and also try to meet his family asap? Why, isn't it something one would do only when they are SURE? Nope, this is something to do when you are still not yet in love, because love is blind and you will ignore all the red flags even if they are blatantly there. She is not a dating coach but this is the best advice I have ever received.

That's great advice! It will also give you the chance to see how they interact with others and in a comfortable environment which is important! ☺️

@Okigen I love your therapist. She speaks huge amounts of sense.