Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Mckittens I set my parameters to the same age, I'm 53. Get much younger likes on Feeld and older in Tinder. Many men seem to lie about their on Bumble/Tinder. In fact, I would go as far to say that Bumble has the most liars - in terms of cheating married men lying about their age!

@Frenchticos I have met many nice men on Bumble though, just no one in the right situation/distance that I have really fancied. I just had a weird experience with an ENM guy. I'm also looking for fwb but not with someone who has multiple women on the go- which is what ENM can mean. Also, the ethical bit was missing 🙄 I think if you put ENM in your profile you have to be really confortable with that.

Thanks @Chocolatefreak - yes I’m nervous about who I’d attract if I put it in my bio!

I am actually ok with ENM with the big proviso that the other person is really honest. Unfortunately that’s the bit that often isn’t there!

@Chocolatefreak - how have you found feeld? I’m thinking of going o that

@Frenchticos In bumble, if you choose even looking for fun, casual dates, I'd guess you get men looking for some fun, this is at least my experience. Tinder is other one I use but because you can't filter so easily (for example distance, height) it's bit more hassle. I also keep my bio quite "normal".

I've had a weird thing happen with my last 2 tinder matches, where when they message me, I can see they message, then immediately, the match disappear completely?

@Frenchticos I went on Feeld because I was recommended! People are def more honest about what they want. A lot of it is kink but many just looking for fwb etc.

x

@Chocolatefreak are you in feeld with your name, photos etc

@User990 yes photos, not real name.

Thanks! I wondered if that was the case. I think I might try it ( kind of prefer honesty!)

Thanks @User990

Update if anyone’s interested. Been on bumble all of a week started chatting to a man yesterday and we arranged to meet for coffee this Saturday. Yes it’s quick but I’d rather do it this way. He seems very nice.

I'm 40 and the best casual arrangements I've had have been with guys on their 30s or 40s. The guys in late 20s were less respectful on the whole. I used Feeld which has been great for me, as everyone can be clear about what they're looking for with no judgement. Happy to answer questions if that would help. X

Thanks @DippingAToeIn - I think I will try Feeld - it sounds like it maybe might work for me.

Guys what do I do.
So on top of my previous 3 disaster matches i mentioned.. I did have another recent match. I'm not overly feeling it and don't have a major attraction, however, we have tonnes in common and appear to have the same values.
He's given me his number and left it up to me to text him if i want.
Tbh I don't really think I want to. There's just zero banter or fun, despite having loads in common.
Is it rude for me to just unmatch? I don't want to give him song and verse as we've only been chatting a couple of days, and never even met.
What would you guys do?

@blacksocks33 i sometimes find what’s app is better as the communication is quicker and is more fun. If you have lots in common try that. If it doesn’t work you have your answer. If there is zero attraction I would struggle though.

I agree with @Tillievanilly I would add him to WhatsApp and try there. It's just as easier to block on WhatsApp as it is on the app. I think I've been ruling some people out too quickly on the basis of something that shouldn't really be a big red flag or a reason to delete someone. I think it's easy to get into that mindset after a while on the apps. Same values and loads in common sounds positive to me.
I've definitely met a couple of men who were good fun in real life but the messaging beforehand hadn't indicated that necessarily.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain that's great, I think it is definitely best to try and get a coffee date in quickly rather than weeks of messaging, I've learnt that the hard way! Hope it goes well for you.

Ridiculous OLD update: was meant to meet Mr Teeth today - he was in London “all day and flexible” - I have something tonight so booked an early train ticket to see him. There was some back and forth and I wasn’t sure I’d make the train… but he’d sent a morning voice note etc. So anyway, I get a message from him saying “sorry, I’m really tired and have caught the train home already”. WTF.
Lessons are: no matter how nice and kind they are, this is ZERO basis for dating someone alone. If someone came along and said nice house, you’d not invite them in to stay, so don’t do this with essential strangers in a dating sense.
Don’t ignore red flags even if you think you’re being a nice, bigger person by doing so. It’s basic lack of self-respect. His were, lived at home with parents after a divorce, the teeth, identifying as bisexual but then saying he was mostly hetro (ie telling me what I wanted to hear), following loads and loads of women on IG… oh and despite having a very average job, told me he was interviewed for a £750/day contract yesterday. Seems unlikely TBH.
Am not going to analysis WTF he did it, I’ve wasted enough time on him. Although he did provide me with loads of great support and advice, so have to look at what I’ve got out if it too…

I’m actually meeting someone else from OLD tomorrow in a weird twist. Matched a day or two ago, he seems ultra genuine but is casual dating multiples at the moment. I said that didn’t work for me, but we’ve decided to meet as friends and go see a play we’ve both been keen to see. Maybe friends is the way to go. I’m on antidepressants and they’ve killed my sex drive, which may be a blessing TBH

@blacksocks33 I'd propose a coffee date or drinks, on the basis of values and common things, to check chemistry. Unless he's really boring, I wouldn't write him off but I wouldn't drag on chatting too long either.

@RosieAway sorry to hear about that date, hope you blocked him quick!

Aww thank you all!
I kind of feel like I don't want to message him. I just think he's a bit moody and he's put a bit paragraph on his profile saying he needs someone who is very understanding etc and it just feels abit off. I love that we have the Same interests etc but that's literally it. If he asked me for a date I wouldn't want to go 🙈 I am trying to not write people off too early but I also don't want to continue with something which isn't making me happy.... but I just feel bad about it.
The other guys I were talking to this week were making me excited... shame they've all disappeared. Is it me 🙈

@RosieAway I am really surprised about Mr teeth! But without sounding like a cliche he has obviously done you a massive favour!! And it's great you have something else lined up as well!
Treat yourself tonight ❤️

@blacksocks33 listen to your gut on this one. Trust me, don’t meet people because you’ll feel bad if you don’t. You come first.

That said, maybe don’t listen to me as I’ve had a gutful of men. Can’t even look at them. Time to prioritise other things in my life

@Chocolatefreak @DippingAToeIn - sorry I have a very silly question! Re the photos you use on Feeld do you use similar ones to say bumble etc? I’m doing a profile but obviously can’t see what others do. Slightly jumpy about putting my photos on tbh!

@Frenchticos I put one photo with some cleavage on it ( I don't have big boobs, it's more to manage expectations 😂) the others were my face and a wholesome full length one. I have been told I look quite vanilla for Feeld - this is ok by me- am not looking to attract anyone too wild! A thoughtful profile is more important, I think.

Thanks @Chocolatefreak - this is what I was thinking that I’d be very vanilla! But as you say guess it doesn’t matter.

Nees to get a full length one!