Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@LittleFloatingGhost what an absolute mean idiot. Hope you don’t even think about it from here on in. And his grammar, low level man.

Weirdly Tinder seems to have thrown up a lot of options, more so that Hinge and Bumble. But a lot more weird stuff to sift through and also, because of its hook-up reputation, I’m suspicious re the motives of even the long-term relationship guys. I think they are often just a bit clueless re OLD so go for the one they know…

I had a video call with Mr Teeth last night. We’d spoken on the phone before and it went really well, but I hate video calls and was really awkward and we actually switched to a normal call quite quickly.

ANYWAY, I could sense immediately some disappointment from HIM. My pics in my profile are really natural and not even that flattering, so I wasn’t expecting that.

Questioned him about it today and he said “I am attracted to you. We’ll know more when we meet on Friday”.

To me, this is hardly keen and it’s making me feel like crap. Also, I have no idea if I find him attractive. With his SEVEN missing teeth.

FFS

Well I had a coffee date at the weekend with the one and only guy i swiped and matched with on fb dating before deleting it after about 24 hours. Lovely person but not for me. I did come away from it feeling that maybe I am ready to meet someone again after an horrendous breakup but I wont go back online again for a while.

WOW! Seven missing teeth. I’m sorry, @RosieAway, but given the description of teeth before and now there are teeth missing, would be a hard no for me.

7 missing teeth would be a hard no. People lose teeth i get that but surely there’s such good dentistry these days that you’d have to do something.

I broke a tooth and what it removed but I’ve got a bridge now so no one would know. Mt friend has diabetes which loosened her teeth so made a decision to have 4 front teeth removed as she was in constant discomfort. She’s now got a removal plate while she saves up for implants but again it looks natural and I had no idea until she told me.

Thanks… he’d brought up the teeth before we spoke, casually saying he was missing “several” due to the sport he used to play. It wasn’t noticeable but felt a bit harsh that my attractiveness was under question given such 😂

He is good in other ways, but think it’ll be a friends vibe only, on both our counts

@RosieAway agree with all the others. 7 teeth! I actually think you're quite heroic in trying to accommodate him. Especially given his lack of enthusiasm.

@Chocolatefreak he’d been very enthusiastic until the video call. But yeah, that’s why I’m annoyed he’s clearly not as accommodating looks wise. Feels a bit cheeky.

Only others on the app I match with tend to go “your gorgeous” (yes, complete with grammatical error) then basically nothing after that. Or are miles away. What is the actual point?! Just about OVER it

@RosieAway what was it that made you feel he wasn't happy with the way you looked? Did he actually seem disappointed? I thought a couple of people I've met seemed disappointed when we first met, I thought they visibly looked disappointed, but ultimately they've been keen to meet up again. So I can only presume I misread their initial reaction or something else was going on in that moment that I took to be disappointment in me.

Seems a bit cheeky to have a mouth full of missing/ rotten teeth and then give the impression to you somehow that you aren't good enough. Not ok.

Or maybe they were actually disappointed but thought they'd be able to overcome it somehow 😂 who knows!

Just travelled home on a squashed train next to a man sexting three different women simultaneously. He was sweaty and overweight and had been participating in multiples and his co k was sore. I was about to check my Bumble profile but have deleted in. One woman -( a Sexy Sandra) had sent pictures to him of her children with the message ‘.. just been showing the children our messages’ Am very much over online dating.

@Mckittens well he just looked it. And he’s usually quite effusive and reassuring, so would normally say something in a message like “I love speaking with you, you make me smile” or something. And there was nothing like that… it feels “off” today. Supposed to be meeting Friday. I have no idea if I’m attracted to him either.

I feel so sensitive to those vibes, so interesting you’ve been wrong about it. But unless someone outright says “I really fancy you by the way” or the like, then I take it that they don’t

I'm back in the apps after a while, and it's like all the interesting ones have disappeared! Someone who stopped our chat 2 days ago on Bumble, has just liked me on tinder 🙄 Also had a date, who seemed pretty keen, cancel recently on the day, a believable excuse, but no comms after. And I had rescheduled a (long-awaited) massage to accommodate the date is the worst part 😁

@RosieAway I wonder if he was already prepping himself for you turning him down about his teeth so he looked uninterested when he saw your pics. He must have been in that situation before and whereas you'd expect him to like you, he's possibly used to women then turning him down and is getting in there first

LittleFloatingGhost That comment about your walks! Cheeky sod

I'm not really swiping anymore. Bored of it all. Had a brief chat with one on Bumble but he also stopped responding when I told him how long I'd been single. Looks like I will just stay single then if men are going to keep having a problem with this

RosieAway I think that Loopylooni May be onto something there. Are you going to go on Friday?

Im not sure if it’s just me but reading through the posts on here the apps seem a real effort at the moment. Do we think this is more than normal? I’ve come off for now for this reason. Compared to a year ago I get hardly any replies despite having matches. It feels like another job which I don’t have time for. Maybe it’s just me and the novelty has worn off. Maybe the apps need to change things a bit. Who knows!

@LittleFloatingGhost horrible man making that comment. Some of them do show themselves for what they really are spectacularly easily. It's the ones who can mask it that worry me.

@NervesOfCotton how long have you been single?

@bingo74 this is absolutely vile, no wonder you deleted the app. It's absolutely rotten.

Mckittens Well it's 7 years but I expect I'll still be on this thread when it's 17 years

My ex was abusive & I had a newborn & a 3 year old, so didn't even think about dating for the first nearly 3 years.

MrsDude, are you attracted to him? Or do you see any compatibility between the two of you?
This post says that an ideal relationship is built on both compatibility and chemistry. But you can't always have both. In my opinion, compatibility holds more weight. Compatibility means you and your partner can coexist harmoniously, respecting each other's values, goals, and daily habits. It's the foundation that supports a lasting partnership.
I know it's early days, sorry. I couldn't help it. My point is to be careful to not waste precious time.

@Loopylooni oh I like this possibility… could be, but I don’t think he sees it as an issue, who knows? It was definitely me who was awkward and uncomfortable… thanks for the insight though as it’s something I’d def do but can’t see in others

@NervesOfCotton yes supposed to be meeting tomorrow but we’ve both been a bit quiet since “the call”. I think a quick meet to see (and report back here!)

@Tillievanilly yep. Hard work and is largely a huge waste of time. Seems to be lots of men who don’t know what they want just messing about for some validation

@Mckittens is takes a while doesn’t it? My friend says I need to wait till I’m over 50 for the batch of divorcees to be on the market. It’s not that far off, but I don’t want anyone older than me and by what I’ve read here, the older men are worse. Have you tried going younger, even if it’s for some fun?

So at the start of the week I had 2 good matches. The first deleted his profile... the second carried on chatting, allbeit slower replies, sends me a voice note, to which I replied... and now nothing 🙈

Ahh it's just annoying. I've never met these guys so it's fine, no expectations. But it's just disappointing! This other guy has got 1 day and I'm just going to unmatch as I hate seeing chats when I've been ghosted 🙈

Oh god... I didn't mention my third match who I was feeling excited about... really seemed like a lovely guy, great conversation. He's just sent me a lovely text message though saying he's coming off the apps as he's just not ready for a relationship and he felt like he should tell me. It really was so honest and sweet and so refreshing! Really respectful. But I do feel abit gutted as I was getting little flutters with his texts 🙈
He did drop his instagram though and I don't understand why. Is that just to keep comms open for the future? I haven't followed him but I couldn't work out whether I should or not?

Great question, I think I am attracted to him, we have fun and I do think we are compatible in many ways but it’s definitely not sparks. In my previous relationship, I knew from the second I met him I wanted to be with him, it was instant but he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing so I’m happy to settle for a slow burn at the moment but it’s a very interesting article and I do question if I am just wasting my time as I’m not ‘that’ bothered but I caveat that with I’m as bothered as I should be for a few dates!

Hello everyone

Could I ask some probably basic question! Still getting the hang of the apps ( and oh my some of the men on there 🙄).

Im actually thinking I’d quite like to look more for a FWB type thing - dumb question but how do I identify those guys? Is it just looking for those that out fun/casual dates ENM in their profile? Am assuming it’s maybe not the best idea to add something to mine or is it? I’m on bumble atm should I try somewhere else?

Also if I want some fun am i also better trying younger guys?

Tbh my nicest matches so far have been those guys who were up front about just wanting something casual! Getting kind of sick of those pretending they want a relationship then suggesting coming to my house on the 2nd date …

@RosieAway when I first started this venture I did have lots of younger men messaging. Some much younger & seemingly keen but I'm really only wanting something that could lead to long term. So if it felt uncomfortable to message back. I then re-set my parameters I think now it's between 47- 58 and I'm nearly 53. But so many of the men my age to me look so much older. But v aware that they may be thinking the same thing about me!