Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I’ve never had this, but I have had countless dates that were within walking distance of where the guy lives. I suspect it’s a mix of laziness and thinking they’re in with a chance of sex on the first date. (They don’t always tell you the bar/restaurant they’ve picked is close to where they live.)

Is it a definite no @SamW98 ? What is it about him that means there’s no attraction/spark?

I don’t know if it’s because I’m off OLD or what, but my office crush has resurfaced and much more intensely than last time?! I feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train - cannot stop thinking about him. 🤦‍♀️

What’s wrong with the office crush resurfacing?

That’s a strange question and one there’s no real answer to. What is it about anyone that gives us an attraction or spark? Its not something we can explain it’s a feeling

So my guy eventually replied. But he’s really slow with his messages which I’m taking to mean as being lukewarm interested. Last message he suggested we go to a lovely restaurant I mentioned and I said sure let me know when you’re in my city next, or I can come to you next. That was yesterday evening. He’s read my message. No reply.

I’m gonna let this one go. There should be a little more excitement at this stage.

@Mapleunicorn That's so lovely and inspiring, thank you for boosting the group's morale a bit!

@NervesOfCotton so the flags were: no contact with his kids, works in hospitality and kept mentioning his social life which suggested a big drinker. Had the date tonight and he isn’t for me. I am not attracted to him, the flags still there and he doesn’t have the stability in his personal or professional life that I look for.

Fair play @LittleFloatingGhost for knowing what you want and don't want
Struggling a bit today, missing ex and missing the company, closeness, having someone to chat too and the sex too 🙈
Trying to keep distracting myself and focus on getting my DD through 2 weeks of exams. Hopefully I will have made some progress by then.
Made a list of pros and cons, way more cons but the pros were pretty strong 😥

@LuckyLinda3 You’re doing the right thing. Keep your chin up.

When I first became single I treated myself to several things, this was up there! 😉 https://www.superdrug.com/health/sexual-health/vibrators-adult-toys/lovehoney-x-romp-switch-clitoral-suction-stimulator/p/806347

Sounds like a plan @LittleFloatingGhost 😂

So I had two really good. Engaging, promising matches on bumble. Only a couple of days but both guys seemed really on my level, very chatty, long messages.
Gone on today and one has deleted their profile (wtf) and the other silence 🙈
Feel a bit gutted about the deleter, I was really enjoying our chat!....

@LuckyLinda3 hope your DD gets on ok with her exams, it's so hard when there was a lot of positives as well as stuff that wasn't right or good enough. You are doing the right thing though by the sounds of it and the fact that you had some really good stuff means you can have that again but with someone who can properly prioritise you.

@blacksocks33 so frustrating re the deleter, I feel your pain!

I've started chatting to someone new the last couple of days who sounds lovely but quirky but I'm figuring out that maybe I quite like quirky. So that's a couple of possibilities. I'm not actively looking any further just now as I can't cope with multiple chats and If none of these come to anything I am definitely going to take some time out but properly this time rather than just stumbling onto a different app.

I’ve come off the apps because I just don’t have time right now and also I’m just bored out of my mind with the tediousness of it all. It really isn’t worth the minimal effort just to keep wading through the same pool of low bar men that’s out there at my age.

Im off on holiday at the weekend and moving at the end of the month plus got a couple of festivals coming up and I’d rather spend fun times with my mates than more dates with unsuitable men.

The last guy I had a couple of dates with was as nice enough but the pink flags I noticed on the first date turned much closer to red ones on the second. As I said he would probably be a decent mate but he wasn’t relationship material for me.

@SamW98 you have a nice busy time ahead and that's great. You never know maybe when you're not really looking.....

I’ve just signed up to bumble.

I’m on Happn too and men do similar there, there’s no rhyme or reason as to why they go silent, delete a profile or unmatch you.

@SamW98 not surprised you’re off the apps!

I’ve had more luck when out and about sometimes too so good luck to you.

I'm back on the apps after a few years and it's pretty demoralising. Low level chat and very few men that I am attracted to. I've just tried Facebook dating as I've never done that before. Had one coffee date last week who said all the right things and suggested that we meet up again. He had blocked me by the time I got home 😂. I've got another coffee date arranged for this Saturday and he seems very keen. Lots of text messages and wants to have another phone chat one evening this week. The sad thing is that I'm not as keen as him.

I do have an active life with friends, the gym, voluntary work etc but I don't seem to meet anyone in my day-to-day life.

I swear lots of men seem to subscribe to the tosser school of dating.

So they’ll try cheeky bants about sex and say oh only joking. Ghosting, playing games etc all come easy to them.

The nice ones are as you say, ones you’re big really interested in.

I’ve dipped my toe back into dating after my three year relationship ended, have had 5 dates with one guy over about 6 weeks, we’re both busy with kids/work/hobbies so it’s just the way it has panned out when we’re both free but having a nice time together, text every day which is getting a bit boring when you only see each other once a week! Chat on the phone maybe twice a week and we are getting on well I would say. Met on Facebook dating, I’ve hidden my profile now because I can’t be bothered to chat to others whilst we’re casually seeing each other but went onto my messages last week and he had been online within the last two hours! Now I keep checking and he’s on it every day! Not sure how I feel about it to be honest, a bit hurt randomly but he doesn’t owe me anything but it makes me want to finish it - am I being weird?

At this stage unless you have “the conversation” about being exclusive and it’s maybe too early to do it, say after 2 to 3 months? Then I think it’s sort of normal to keep your options open or stay on the app.

I was on the app even when I was seeing someone for a year last year but I didn’t message anyone though they did me.

The fact he’s online only means he’s been on FB not necessarily the dating bit.

So maybe he’s just generally surfing his FB rather than looking for dates.

We definitely have not had the conversation and nowhere near to having it I would say, so I’ve surprised myself by being so bothered by it! Almost feels like I’m not good enough! Think I need to toughen up!

Is that true? I just assumed it meant he was on the dating bit!

Sorry, it appears I don’t know how to reply to a comment 🤣

Yes it’s true. All it shows is when he’s online not which section of FB he’s on

So, Facebook dating, someone who has liked me commented on a photo. Screenshot shows the comment and the bio bit is his profile - I highlighted the pertinent bit! What a hypocrite.

I can see why he is single! 😂

That’s me giving FB dating a wide berth after trying it twice. It’s crap.

I am coming to the end of my paid for access on Hinge and Bumble and will take a break again after that. Clearly I just didn’t want to waste what I had paid for.

After the summer holidays I’m going to try something different. There’s an app called TimeLeft where you are matched with 5 like-minded people for a blind dinner. It’s about connection's and community/friendship rather than dating, but you never know.