Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

So I've been cancelled. Had arranged yesterday to meet this afternoon and he messaged this morning to say not feeling great. No idea why he had kept messaging/ saying he was up for meeting again. I guess maybe I was the back up. We were very different so not sure it would ever have been a thing but he was hot and at my age I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see anyone in real life and think 🫠 so it's disappointing from that perspective. Although I know I need to take this as a positive in there are some older men out there who can still catch my eye.

I am starting to wonder if I am too damaged by the end of my last relationship which was quite traumatic to be doing old. And maybe that's why I'm finding it so difficult.

@LuckyLinda3 I agree with @NervesOfCotton I would just message him about it sooner rather than later. I know if it were me it would weigh on my mind. It's a tricky situation, sounds like you are being strong in terms of making sure his stuff is away and thinking all this through.

@RosieAway you made me laugh, hoping he has a full set of dental work done before we meet had me 😆

Teeth aside I think he sounds lovely and definitely worth meeting, entirely possible his teeth won't be so bad in real life or that he has a plan to sort them or could be amenable to one 😂

@SamW98 how did the second date go with Mr Football?!

@onlinedating did you hear back from your date?

@blacksocks33 have you heard from Mr Questions?

Solidarity to all of you who are finding on line dating tricky and taking a break. I do think fundamentally I need to take a month or two off to recalibrate. But every time I try and do that I find myself drawn back in.

@Mckittens sorry to hear that. How long ago was the end of your last relationship? Be kind to yourself, these things aren't easy and we need to love ourselves first.
I'm not really being strong to be honest, we had talked and we were making progress but unfortunately i still think he was prioritising his own interests so we were in a loop of good then bad and ended things. I had returned most of his clothes while we were still seeing each other that helped.
It's so difficult because we had such chemistry and genuinely cared for each other but in the end we struggled to find time together but he always had time to socialise regardless of his work rota and I began to resent the time he spent socialising alone.
I really want to take the positives from the relationship forward and there were many. Ideally Id like to meet someone again in the future and bring the best version of me to that.
Hoping good things are coming our way.

Just back from my second date and another 4 hours but I just don’t fancy him. There’s nothing that makes me think about wanting to kiss him at all.

We really get on but I just don’t see it as anything more than mates.

@Mckittens sorry to hear about that. Such misleading behaviour. It's greed really, isn't it. People get greedy.

I know this isn't necessarily the best way but I got over two weeks of constant messaging and potential with Mr ENM by immediately starting another chat. With a ridiculously young man 20 years my junior, can't seem to set my paramètres right on Feeld. 🤦‍♀️ am feeling quite ashamed. But hey we're consenting adults and he's doing a great job of taking my mind off Mr ENM. Calling him Mr Young obvs.

@SamW98 sorry to hear that

@LuckyLinda3 , thank you, it was 4 years ago so I had thought enough time had passed but I think it was actually quite traumatic, don't want to use that word lightly, but he was really abusive at the end, controlling throughout and then when I started to raise concerns/ had had enough he was awful. I did try and have some counselling a couple of years ago but I just ended up feeling worse. But maybe I need to re visit that.

@Chocolatefreak I do actually have someone who has been super keen and messaging but he'd been really pushy in terms of trying to meet up which had put me off but think I'm going to at least try and chat with him as you never know!. And as you say it's a distraction!

@SamW98 ah man. Actually I’ve felt the same in the past until we DID kiss and it was like, whoa. But no, if you don’t feel it, you just don’t feel it. Next.

@Mckittens so sorry you were cancelled. There will be more. Have you tried younger?Andsnap with the traumatic, abusive relationship. Thing is, after a few years “recovery” after mine, I got into another one! Albeit with a totally different type. I really feel for you. And can only say therapy and truly going with my gut has helped.

Mr Teeth is currently getting pissed with his ex-wife 😳. I keep saying to him they should get back together, but he’s adamant it’s is over forever and they’re better as friends. Still wouldn’t be surprised if I get “that” message in the morning. I actually trust him but feel like a moody teen right now

@Mckittens sounds very difficult but you sound aware and that is so positive. I think I missed a few flags too...maybe not outright red flags but all the same by ignoring them I have made the situation more difficult for myself.
I want to be more aware and more selective going forward. Hearing other people's experiences and advice on here really helps.

Sorry to all those whose dates aren't going well, mine aren't either.

I'm irritated with it all at the moment as I've come across a run of men who try and arrange first dates at their/my house. It usually starts off with them being vague about where we meet for a date, then the nearer time gets it's "oh let's hang out..." err, how about no! I immediately refuse, but have had to block some as we're usually on WhatsApp because they get insistent, but it's so frustrating!

@Starseeking I’d immediately block anyone who invited themselves to my house (or invited me to theirs) for the first date even if they weren’t insistent . It’s just a massive red flag and a clear indication they’re just going to be sex pests, super cheap, and inconsiderate among other things!

It might also be a sign of infidelity too in the sense they might be avoid going out in public with you in case someone they know sees them.

I totally agree, I've not had the pleasure of anyone suggesting first meet at their or my place but it would be an instant block, massive red flag. So sorry that's been happening @Starseeking. Terrible behaviour.

Well i took your advice @Chocolatefreak, and actually had a lovely chat last night with the one who I felt had been too pushy. I explained that it would feel better to exchange a few messages and we could then arrange to meet and we did exactly that. And he seems nice and normal and after some of the more quirky characters I've been chatting with this is seeming quite appealing. Have said I'll meet him at the end of the week so will see what happens over the next few days. Don't want endless messaging now but a few would be good.

I get loads of them wanting a first date at theirs or mine. 'Ideal first date?' Is a good one to ask, as a lot of them say 'Netflix & Chill'. They sometimes add in 'It says on my profile that I like the simple things' or something. Like going for a walk or to a coffee shop is seen as 'To much hard work' for them.

I didn't date during covid but I stayed dipping in & out of my free dating site & must have had hundreds message me saying 'We aren't allowed to meet for a walk but come to mine for dinner'

I'm glad you had a good chat Mckittens, sounds positive!

Thank you but I’m ok with it.

This one didn’t work out but it’s shown me there are decent men out there not just after sex. He’ll make someone a really lovely bf - it’s just not me.

He seems keen though so that’s the hard bit. I need to tell him and that’s never nice

One of first men I ever matched with asked for my address and said he’d come round for a cuppa. I refused and said I want the first few dates to be in a public space as women can’t be too careful - he send me a ranty message back saying I was accusing him of being a rapist 🤷‍♀️

Hi @SamW98 exactly the way to look at it. I think we learn something from every interaction and its all helpful even if it's realising its not right.

I think the problem is men mindlessly swipe without really looking and it’s only when you send a message they actually look at your page.

Its not you I’ve had it happen countless times but I’ve also done it when men have messaged me - and I’ll be honest sometimes I’ve thought ‘I don’t even remember swiping on him’

@blacksocks33 no I haven't, I actually unmatched him 🙈
I loved the questions and it was an ice breaker I'll steal I think 🙈 But I got a bit of a weird vibe and I knew I didn't want to talk when he got back off his holiday so I unmatched! Maybe he was never going to message me back though... who knows!

So I've paused my tinder account. I mainly use tinder but I need a break from it. None of the guys even fill out their bio and it seems SO lack of effort! Keeping bumble alive for the time being but it's abit tumble weed for me. I've never had a date from bumble before..... but the profiles do seem more engaging so fingers crossed for some luck!

Has Mr Teeth been in touch today @RosieAway? I totally get that it wouldn't feel ideal to hear he was out with his ex wife but having met a few men now since doing this I have felt way happier with the ones who have spoken respectfully about their ex's. A couple have remained friends or just referred to them in a respectful manner versus three who have said their Ex's were narcissistic. Obviously not great if there is still some romantic interest going on but assuming all that is definitely buried I would see it as a positive that they are still pals.

@blacksocks33 what kind of questions was he asking? Could do with some new ideas for ice breakers!

The one who cancelled me yesterday messaged today 🤦‍♀️ just a nice how you doing message. I've actually moved on in my head so it's fine but I'm so over all the game playing/ not knowing where I stand.

Can I join? Used to be on this thread before under a different user name.

I’m currently on Happn, been on there for ooh maybe 2 years now. Actually ended up dating a guy from there for a year last year and he was nice there just wasn’t enough there for both of us.

So far this year I’ve had a date with a man who obviously expected a kiss (kept trying to touch my legs and me) and then spat back he thought there was no chemistry and then I had a date on Friday night with an Italian man which I sort of thought went well though he said a few things he’d like to do to me then we kissed (I was a bit tipsy). He then unmatched from me after the date and I texted to ask why and he said we’d swapped numbers but we both said thanks for the date and I asked re a date today and he’s just said good luck as I said good luck to him too.

I feel like just giving up. Yes I shouldn’t get invested but I’d like a nice relationship.

@Mckittens I’d just block or ignore someone who did this. If they cancel a date it’s common courtesy to try and reschedule

If they’re just continuing to text with small talk but no immediate attempt to set up another date, it’s quite disrespectful and sounds like they’re keeping you on the backburner.

@Tamigotxh we had said we'd meet later this week, after we met last week, so that was already agreed. On Friday we then made another arrangement for Saturday afternoon which he subsequently cancelled. I totally agree though, he isn't interested or not interested enough for me to be into him if that makes sense. I've already moved on in my mind.

ahh I see - so you are planning a date for later this week? Do you think you’ll go ahead with it? @Mckittens

but yeah his excuse for cancelling doesn’t sound very convincing so unlikely this one is worth giving any more time or attention.

My internet irons are:-

Mr gib - he’s got a flat in Gibraltar seems semi early retired and spends a bit of time in Europe.
mr becks - lives near me, has kids, very intermittently on and off the app as busy.
Mr French - French man living in London not really sure he’s my type.

only talking to these.