Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

newdater32 I generally just ask because if the excuses start then you know not to waste any more time.

Crushed23 Aah, what an idiot! I thought that you were going to say you sent him a thumbs up

@Crushed23 ah man. Are you sure it’s not crossed wires, that he may have wrongly assumed you were wanting to date rather than be FWB? I’d be tempted to reply that I wasn’t wanting to date either and was just giving it another date before going in!

That’s why as much as I don’t want anything heavy I don’t think I could go the FWB thing as I can’t imagine having sex with someone first time I meet them. I’ve never done casual sex or had a ONS even in my young days. I never fancy anyone straight away, it takes time to grow for me

Shortest time I’ve dated anyone before having sex is a month.

Mr PNOP is still being heart achingly lovely. BUT I’ve noticed on videos he has shockingly bad teeth. Does that sound shallow? I’m talking really black between each one 😭. There’s loads I can look beyond as I’m not looks driven really, but I can’t really imagine locking lips with those. Will have to suss IRL I guess…

@RosieAway not at all. I was getting on great with someone, had a few calls and then we had a FaceTime. His teeth were brown from too much coffee and I have a huge thing about teeth.
I sent a message afterwards to say I wouldn’t be able to go on a date as I couldn’t see us being romantically involved.

@RosieAway I swear you are seeing my ex lol but we are in Ireland so possibly not but everything from the misery of not wanting to pay for another month etc andthe bad teeth...

@RosieAway I'm the same with teeth. Really don't mind if they are all over the place. But they need to be clean.

Terrible teeth would definitely put me off but also I can’t stand it when a man got ridiculously obvious Turkish Teeth.
A nice bit of cosmetic dental work looks good but when they’ve got the full set of glow in the dark pearly white tombstones in a 50 year old mouth it just looks dreadful

Rotten teeth are a dealbreaker for me, it makes me want to vomit when I think of kissing a mouth fuIl.

I don't find cosmetic veneers attractive either.

i immediately swipe left for both, as I'm quite particular about teeth hygiene.

No that’s not shallow, I totally understand the teeth concerns. In my early 20s I once dated a very handsome guy (that I’m still mates with!) who had a lot of plaque on his teeth, it did put me off when I noticed.

most of the other men I’ve been with had good teeth - ie, clean, well looked after and not massively discoloured.

@Psychoticbreak haha. Not Ireland, but I’d so love to speak to his ex wife to get the lowdown. And also ask her how the hell she used to snog him.

He is just so good in other ways… but it’s gonna be awkward if we clearly get on IRL and that’s the dealbreaker.

My teeth look ok but I’m actually missing some at the back! However they are not brown and I don’t think they’d be an issue to most people…

Thanks all. I think maybe he’s not had the money to sort them? Still, could def stump up for a hygienist 🤢😭

I couldn't deal with bad teeth.
It's not just a vanity thing though for me... bad teeth means bad hygiene and most likely lack of self care. I need to be with someone who cares about keeping themself healthy, because that's a value of mine.
I don't think you should feel bad in any way of it puts you off. We all have different tastes/values.

Things have been VERY quiet for me. I have had lots of dead end boring chats. It feels SO mundane it's unbelievable. I don't want to talk about my day or week... I want to talk to someone about our interested and have banter etc!

Saying that someone matched with me last week and he basically said all of the above and said let's ask eachother quick fire questions and it's been fun! He hasn't once asked me what I've been up to, and I am so glad I don't have to make my boring day sound interesting!
I don't think I fancy him from his pictures, but I am definitely open to not just looking for attraction in pictures! I keep reading people say, be open minded... so I'm trying my best!

Anyway don't know if it's work for others... but the quick fire questions are great!

Also... @2anddone sorry not sure if I've missed this... but how did you get on with Mr in the wild? I haven't caught up on all the messages on here since I last checked in!

Totally agree about teeth -basic hygiene!

So how long would you message back and forth on the app before numbers are exchanged?

newdater32 I only exchange numbers when a date has been arranged.

@newdater32 totally depends on the person involved - a couple of men I’ve swapped numbers with within a couple of days as the chat is flowing nicely and I can’t access the app whilst at work. Others longer and then I’ve deleted if they change tack - although tbh I’ve only had one that’s done that.

I tend to move to WhatsApp after a couple of days of chatting as I find it easier aside to chat from there than going on and out of the app.

Any nonsense and I block

Same, I’m another one who only exchanges numbers when a date has been arranged.

I saw this today on instagram threads and it basically explains my sentiment : One of the best things I ever did was stop letting men treat me like a pen pal. This behavior is farrrr too common. They do this because they’re bored and they love an ego boost.

I think I mentioned upthread about some matches wasting my time after they asked for my number.

The amount of times I have told someone friend vibes or similar because of their teeth makes me wonder if I should start being truthful?! I know it will be a resounding “no!”, and I don’t think I would, but it would be so much simpler as I hate lying 😂

When I was much younger I had a lovely boyfriend in every way other than his teeth and in a moment of feeling honesty was the best policy I did tell him his teeth were the problem. I still remember the look on the poor guys face 25 years on.

So I've got a third 'date' set up for next week but I am fairly sure I've been friend zoned but not sure how to have that conversation. Tried to construct a message last night to ask but it just sounded cringe. So just deleted it. I also noticed on the app that he had changed his profile photo since we met earlier this week so he is obviously still looking which to be fair I am as well so I've not got an issue with that.

Other than it indicates he isn't really interested in me or at the very least is keeping his options open. I did then delete him so he can't see me anymore but we had moved to WhatsApp a good while ago anyway.
Minimal texting going on between meeting but it's always been that way rather than a decline but it makes me feel disconnected & like he just isn't bothered but not sure why he would ask to catch up again.

Then last night got chatting to someone else who lives nearby who has a dog with the same name as my dog. Have arranged to meet Saturday for a dog walk. Hopefully will be better than the last dog walk date I went on which was awful!

@Mckittens re the profile photo change, I do believe that there’s a setting on some of the apps that automatically changes the first profile pic to the most popular one ie the one people spend the longest looking at? Know how you feel though. It’s mind boggling, so hopefully you’ll get some clarity / otherwise the same-name dog guy sounds promising!

Re BAD TEETH: good to know I’m not the only one. Haven’t seen them IRL but it’s pretty clear… also means that other things that I’m on the fence about (location, living conditions, etc) are weighing more heavily. He is so lovely and open and smart otherwise… what is it about teeth? This isn’t my country of birth but I’ve been here a good 20 years and never seen so many people with scary teeth!

I’ve deleted Hinge now but if/when I go back on it, I am going to be militant about pen pals and if a date is not arranged within a few days I am going to unmatch.

I wasted SO much time just chatting to guys who had no intention of taking the conversation off the app to WhatsApp let alone to real life.

I stepped away from a conversation that was going nowhere earlier this year, but I fell back into the habit of continuing to reply to men who were not interested in actually meeting in person.

Totally agree that it’s just an ego boost for them, and I suspect they’re married/have a gf too.

Thanks @RosieAway, it was a brand new photo, so had been added since we last met but he has messaged this morning so I have no clue. Have you got a definite plan to actually meet up with the one with bad teeth?