Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Crushed23 @RosieAway I like to know how they are in person first, then it takes me some time to think about how I feel, to see if the potential is there. Second date to confirm if the chemistry is there. Depending on what situation I'm in I could sleep with someone on the second date although it rarely happens due to circumstances (ie my son being there). And yes the phone number on the profile is kind of odd?!

The whole experience with Mr FWB has taught me a fair bit about players (who I normally avoid like the plague). They are SO charming and say all the right things and you feel incredible on the date (best date I’ve had in years). BUT this is what they’re good at and what they’re doing to lots of women every month, so you shouldn’t take anything from it at all.

I’m trying really hard not to go down the “he’s not interested because I’ve got no curves” line of thinking. We were surrounded by beautiful women at the bar and he was definitely looking in their direction once or twice. There was a lot of breast on show and none of it was mine. 😭

@Crushed23 that makes perfect sense and I’d think I’d have done similar to be honest.

He will come back. Or you can message him arranging something, dropping hints?

@Crushed23 just saw your message about players, and now worried the lovely guy I’m talking could be one too given the phone number thing!

He clearly found you attractive so I’d contact him and make a proposal if that’s what you want.

@RosieAway Well, Mr FWB is a self confessed player and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. Sounds like your guy is at least trying to come across as more serious with the messaging etc. When are you meeting him?

Does it not put you off when people call themselves a player though?

I mean it’s good they are being honest and all that but anyone calling themselves a player just makes me think what a berk. 😂

@Crushed23 well that’s actually refreshingly upfront, you don’t have to waste energy wondering and working something out.

Mine lives a fair way away, which doesn’t bother either of us at this stage. He’s planning to visit next week I think, get a hotel - for him. We both aren’t the type to sleep with someone right away. Or so he says!

He is markedly different from anyone before, I don’t know if I’ll be attracted IRL, or him, but the phone number thing has really really thrown me and my communication to him has become a bit reserved now as a result. He’ll no doubt sense it, but not sure what to say about it…

No, he never used the word “player”. That would have been cringeworthy, agreed! He was just upfront about not looking for a relationship and his tone was very flirty from the start. (It was the kind of chat that I’d ordinarily hate, but he’s so good looking he gets away with it, if you see what I mean.)

Oh also just remembered Mr Phone Number Added to Profile (Mr PNAP) had said he was desperate to delete the app! Just delete it then mate, don’t keep adding worms to your hook!

Ah I see! I do see what you mean and can understand why you like him 😊

Unfortunately I’ve heard people call themselves a “player” and it’s definitely cringe worthy 🤮😂

@RosieAway it’s funny you mention not being sure you’ll be attracted to Mr PNAP in real life. I have that worry with virtually every guy I match with. Unfortunately in most cases I am right to worry, but it’s nice when someone really surprises you. I went on a date earlier this year with someone I wasn’t sure about and I even pushed the date back a couple of times. But then IRL I was really attracted to him (still didn’t go anywhere though 😂). Is there anything that makes you think Mr PNAP won’t deliver IRL?

@RosieAway I would just ask him about the number on his profile as you’d noticed he had added it when you were “refreshing yourself ahead of the date”.

I have had a month off the apps and went back on a few days ago. Just started chatting to a few and will see how it goes. One seems to be a front runner and for the first time is younger by around five years! 😅

@RosieAway yes I agree with @LittleFloatingGhost, I think I'd just ask if there has been a lot of messages, when are due to meet him?

@SamW98 5 hour first date sounded so promising! What are your reservations about him?

I've had second 'date' with the knitter today, first second date I've had. Reckon I've been friend zoned again though. He is very easy on the eye but I don't think I'm what he would be looking for, we are very different. In the meantime I've been chatting to multiple others one of whom has been really persistent, in hindsight we moved to WhatsApp too quickly and he has since said he'd come off the app because he was only chatting to me. So that has freaked me out.

@Mckittens

Main reservations are that at 54 his longest ever relationship is 5 years plus his last gf was 22 years younger which I’ll be honest gives me the ick.

SamW98 I don’t understand these much younger women going for older men. I’ve never been into men super older. Ick.

I find it a bit creepy tbh. Doing the maths in my head when he met her he was 47 she was 25 - she’s Slovakian - it all seems a bit of a cliche if I’m honest.

Trying to put it to back of my mind and take him on face value at the moment though. He's told me straight away and been honest so that’s a positive.

@SamW98 definitely sounds a huge cliche so I'd throw him back

@SamW98 definitely worth a second date. I generally go for older men for loads of reasons, not a reason to chuck him back and you really can’t help who you fall for!

With regards to his longest relationship being five years shouldn’t suggest anything untoward. He has had one! Five years is a long time, my longest has been just over eight. Sort of tells me that you don’t stick it out just because… so many people have really long relationships and wish they’d have ended it years earlier.

Just take him at face value and see how you get on. The reservations you have aren’t really a thing IMO. Although, not sure what you’d do about the ick!

@SamW98 yep I totally agree, I can see why that the big age gap would be off putting but you must have got on well or you'd not stuck it out for 5 hours, Definitely worth a second date I'd say.

The knitter messaged last night & this morning so maybe I'm not friend zoned after all, who knows, 5 months on and I'm still no better at navigating OLD 🤦‍♀️

Morning, so I asked Mr PNOP about the number on his profile, he said it’s because he’s not paying for the app now so wouldn’t see if anyone liked him. Hmm. And went on to say he’s sure after meeting he’ll only like me etc. I said no expectations, and that’s that.

@SamW98 hmmm, mine has a few flags waving I’d normally shy away from, but life is messy and if they are great in every other way and you get on really well and it feels different to the usual dross, well worth investigating him further I’d say

Got the most hilarious message from Mr FWB this morning saying he’s not ready to date after his break-up (he briefly alluded to being in a relationship lasting a few months and ending lasting year) and doesn’t want to waste my time 😂😂
Gaslighting much?! I not once mentioned wanting to ‘date’.

I think completely ghosting me would have been better than that bollocks.

I haven’t replied and I’ve just deleted Hinge. Time for a break, I think. 👍

I can't seem to get a bloody coffee date 😂Do you guys make the first move, or wait for the guy to bring it up. Because I think I'm going to have to bring it up at this point!

@SamW98 I’d give it a go if I were you and you like him. He has been honest and it doesn’t seem untoward.

I’m generally attracted to older men and have been with men between a few years older than me and 20 years older than me…. It doesn’t mean he’s creepy at all, in my view if there’s a connection then age doesn’t matter.

Sorry to hear this, but will be a bullet dodged. Typical bullshit excuse. Like when they say 'life is crazy' or 'I'm not ready for a relationship' - whoever mentioned relationship?? The apps are full of men who just want to play around.

@newdater32 Both! Nothing wrong with asking rather than waiting to be asked - good luck!