Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh no it's mostly awful men! Hinge is very, very slow going. All the same guys on Hinge are on Bumble which is faster paced. Suggest you move over to Bumble!

So glad I've found this thread! Will be following.

Just wanted to ask what have other in their early 30's set their age limits to.

Also how long would you wait for someone to respond before unmatching?

I have this message saved in my notes and cut and paste:

' I hope you take this in the spirit its intended, I genuinely want everyone to do well on here and find someone....
We are 6 messages in and you haven't yet asked me a question.
Its hard to have a decent conversation when the other person isn't asking questions.
Some women would just unmatch and not tell you why, I prefer to tell people why so they know and can either improve for the next chat or not change their ways and hope some women don't care about that.'

I then wait and generally they unmatch, they don't try to ask questions or even apologise....but hopefully they'll know for the next person.

@newdater32 I'm 33 and I have ages 29-39 selected.
I also give people 24 hours to reply in the early days before I unmatch. If we have some rapport or have been on a date then I would proerbably send a chaser message :)

24 hours absolute max. No one who is interested in you even slightly is too busy to drop a quick line in 24 hours. Waiting days for a response is setting the tone from the start that you’re ok with poor communication imo.

@User990 I hate being the only one driving messages through asking questions. After 3 or 4 messages of me asking him questions where he has answered mine but he hasn't asked me one, I tend to stop asking and leave it hanging for him to double message. If he doesn't get the hint and isn't prompted into action, I just unmatch and move on.

@newdater32 I do like the man to message first to show his interest, although I do occasionally message first. When waiting, I tend to leave it a couple of days before unmatching if I don't hear anything.

I follow a dating coach on insta who said that you should ask 2 questions and if no input back then you should walk away!
I think it's a good rule to go by... so maybe it's just about setting your own boundaries. If there's no interest to begin with then it's not going to go anywhere!

I allow 3 questions (if their answers are good. If they are one worded, then not even that) before I stop replying, but thanks @SortingItOut for the template... maybe it would help the next woman!

@newdater32 I use mainly bumble so for the first message it gives 24 hours to message back. After that it depends, but I don't normally like to chat too long as prefer to meet in person sooner than later.

I like that things are as slow or as fast as you want on Hinge. Likes you receive don’t expire, which lets you manage how many guys you’re chatting to. I match with someone when I’ve got the bandwidth to actual chat to them.

newdater32

Also how long would you wait for someone to respond before unmatching?

A couple of days. People can be very busy with work, life, family etc. I know I am.

Hello, found my thread! Am into wk 3 on bumble, has been quite the learning curve. I was getting hundreds of likes to start with but now lucky for 20 or so per day and mostly waste of time, is that normal or is it up and down?

I use the “hide” function on Hinge after two days.

Very rarely do they go on to message after 2 days.

Help! I should know better by now, but the guy I’ve met online whom is lovely and we’ve really hit it off (he seems so normal and intentional) keeps updating his dating profile when I look at it. We’re in WhatsApp and planning to meet for the first time this weekend. I know it’s nothing until you meet in person, but clearly if he keeps tweaking his profile he’s still out “fishing”? I mean, so am I but not so blatantly!

@RosieAway Not necessarily. I tweaked my profile too, as I wasn't sure whether the first date will lead to anything and wanted to make the best use of my subscription. Also remember that men face rejection much more often than women so they are more jaded.

I have no problem with this if I’m just chatting to someone and we haven’t met yet.

I haven’t updated my profile in ages, I might give it a refresh for summer.

Does anyone else have old photos on their profile? One of my photos is from 2019 (!) but I think overall my profile is representative of what I look like IRL.

@RosieAway i think dating apps/what’s app can give a false sense of friendship etc. I know I’ve video called people and been keen. But then it’s completely changed when it’s face to face. So no it wouldn’t worry me as it’s best to leave your options open I think.

I wouldn’t worry about someone I’ve not met yet updating their profile

Ive changed things on mine while chatting - mostly to get rise of people rather than encourage others

Thanks all. Good takes on it all. And yes the updates do seem to be making things more specific ie politics etc

I know about the not getting invested, I’m not. He lives miles away but doesn’t seem to care (I don’t really either). Not sure how attracted I’ll be in person so kind of regretting the “false” friendliness of it all!

My pics are all last 6 months, apart from a full-length one, it’s a bit older, as u haven’t many if those!

I'd like to join in here please. I've been OLD on and off since the new year. I'm trying my hardest not to get jaded with it all. But it's hard not to. I'm tired of spending a lot of time swiping, sending messages etc and getting nowhere.

Although I'm meant to be phoning someone tonight. I feel so meh about it all!

Can I ask does OLD make anyone else feel like a soulless monster?

I started it in all honesty as an attempt to dull down my feelings because I think I’m generally too sensitive and love anyone.

But doing the OLD thing I just don’t feel anything at all … nothing ..: zero

Had some nice chats and been on a couple of dates with one person who is probably the nicest ideal guy for someone … he did everything right … still felt nothing.

So in one way yay to me I’ve achieved my aim … in another just feel vacuous as if I won’t feel anything ever again.

The trouble is that there is no certainty that someone has seen your message.
I like a few profiles and they disappear into the ether....then a couple of weeks later they might like me back.
Before that...I have grown despondent and given up on it for a couple of weeks.
Your message to me might not be seen for a few days or a couple of weeks.

Different if it is a message in a conversation that is not responded to, but an opening message......?

FFS been chatting to bloke for a week or so and seems quite positive. We said about meeting tomorrow and that we’d set more definite plans today.

His suggestion as a first date - watching the cup final together in a pub. Every girls ideal first date - ffs where do I keep finding them?

If there are any guys on this thread PLEASE you can spread the word to male OLD that we do NOT need to know your dentistry history. "I have my own teeth".... absolutely fan-fking-tastic. Good for you.

This is how I feel about it just now. I have absolutely no excitement about dating anymore. When I first started I was so excited to be chatting with people and going on dates. Now it just feels like too much hard work. My phone call tonight just felt so flat. I felt like I was being interviewed for a job.

I did the whole focusing on myself thing and now have a busy social life. I'm wondering if perhaps I've realised I don't need a relationship to have a social life. But I miss sex and physical intimacy so much.