Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

SamW98 because they are swiping yes aimlessly on almost every profile. I've had men I've dated like me...then when I point out, we already went on a date, they often unmatched me immediately. no thought whatsoever.

Another one just now

5-15 - hey hun how’s you?

5-45 - hellooooooo r u there hun?

6-05 - ignoring me hey hun

6-30 - ???????????!

6 -45 another time waster u ain’t all that anyway hun

Awwww shame he’s unmatched he sounded lovely 🤣

@SamW98 @onlinedating
I have noticed that as well with Bumble and Match, same guys, on match just now, my views are same guys everyday, I hate to think why ?

@SamW98
Yes, I did Badoo, a few yrs ago, it is awful as bad as POF, but in saying that I did date two nice guys, one I am still good friends with .

1st date last week went well, he went in for a kiss to say goodbye, he messaged to say thanks for a lovely evening etc and we suggested a 2nd date this week.....

But since the next day he's a lot quieter texting and now said he's away a few days this week with work and busy this weekend so how about next?

I'm not feeling there is any effort there but just feel like he's had a better over. Wish people would just be honest....

I doubt he's got any intention of a 2nd date but why the mixed signals?!

@Orchidlie22 I agree that if someone is interested then they will be intentional.
I think that people are under the mistaken belief that if they slow fade they are being kinder than just saying ‘thanks for a good time but I’m not interested in taking it further’ which imo is infinitely better and kinder but could illicit an angry reaction perhaps?

Morning everyone! I’ve been reading through your posts and catching up. I have returned to the apps recently but finding plenty of matches but they hardly ever reply! Mostly on bumble…
Hinge is better with replies less matches though.
I have tried tinder but I’ve been a bit put off after a few unsuccessful dates…
I’m thinking I need some more hobbies etc I have school age children so this can be tricky. Anyone got any tips? Met anyone in rl? Maybe I need to up my message game?
The apps are exhausting!!

Since I replaced one of my Bumble prompts with one which says I hope you are…
actually SINGLE
My matches drastically dried up or if I match(I guess they didn’t read the profile) they don’t reply 😩😡😂🤦‍♀️
Well I guess it saves me time though so difficult not to turn cynical.

Tillievanilly I'm getting around 50-100 likes per hour on Bumble (I'm in London, late 30s). Of those that I like back, and send a message to, around 50% will reply.

Has anyone dated a guy around 5/6/7 times, and then they come back at a later time?

Tillievanilly I've had two of my worst experiences with two men from Tinder. I joined as it's a larger pool, but I may go back to Bumble and Hinge only...

Date with Mr FWB confirmed for Friday! 🥳

He’s picked somewhere really cool and 100% ‘me’ and I have bought an outfit for the occasion, but having doubts as I want our first date to be casual (i.e. I won’t be sleeping with him), so I may save the outfit for a future date if this goes anywhere.

Back to the drawing board on what to wear. He’s so good looking from his photos and I’m having a wobble about being a few ‘leagues’ below him, but I’m trying not to worry about it and keep telling myself ‘confidence is key’!

Crushed23 it's just a first date - remember that. you may not like him in reality!

Ooh how exciting! Remember this is fwb so it's just for fun!

This is precisely why I’m nervous though - never been on a date with someone who is so clear about only wanting a FWB. It’ll be interesting to see where the conversation goes, he’s already so forward in messages ☺️, but I don’t plan on getting drunk so hopefully I can stick to my plan of not sleeping with him 😎

@Okigen how’s it going with Mr Modern?!

I know it’s quality over quantity but this is really impressive!

I’m mid-30s in London and on Hinge only (the free version) and get 1-2 likes per day. I don’t send likes I just go through my likes and match with the guys I immediately fancy. But I am dating casually, I would be more proactive (pay for a subscription, send likes, etc) if I was looking for something serious.

Any dates lined up? It must be great having your pick!

@Crushed23 I don't think you need to be so conscious about your look. If Mr FwB doesn't see something in you, he wouldn't have contacted. Plus I think there aren't many women who want a fwb so it must be HIM who has to be on his toes!

Mr Modern has come back from holiday and will meet me this weekend. He texts more often now, which I interpret as he's keen. It makes me feel a bit guilty that I'm now the less active person in texting, because I'm studying for a qualification and spend most evenings doing my homework😅 I think once my qualification is out of the way, perhaps we should discuss being more serious. But I'm also acutely aware that at my age, the boyfriend now will likely become the LT partner in couple of years time who will become the father of my child, so that's a big decision... It doesn't help that I was raised up by a single mum, so I have zero clue about men. What makes a man a good partner? Someone the opposite of my dad? 🤔

It’s actually shocking how many men are not single on seeing apps. I’d say it’s probably half of them! Possibly more depending on the app.

On my hinge profile I used the “ don’t date if you’re….” prompt to say don’t date me if you’re not single. I need them to be properly & legally single!

I think sadly it’s a sign of the times - I had exactly the same experience this time around. I wonder whether people are just really jaded! It’s hard. Hinge and bumble were both awful for me so switched to Match. I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months now.

I'm in exactly the same boat :(
I can't seem to get any conversations going, and those that do progress past "how you doing" are very much led by me.
It's just making me feel bad about myself, like why doesn't anyone want to talk 😅
Maybe I'm swiping on the wrong type of guys?
I'm absolutely not a chaser, so they're messing with the wrong girl 😅

@blacksocks33 when I joined the apps a year ago I was shocked but filtered out the guys who were to much. I have met a few decent guys. But recently the effort with the messaging is a lot!
I’ve had a guy who wouldn’t meet unless I sent photos, a potential fwb who wasn’t for me, a date who seemed normal then in meeting had a whole lot of issues.
Since then I can’t get a chat going or if I do they are miles away!

I’ve been chatting to a guy who stays in another part of the UK, he said he flies down south a lot and would be able to drive sometimes too. He was calculating the time it would take to reach me. In a way it’s good he seemed keen but sometimes men like that lose interest (ie get distracted by other matches) quickly. He wanted my number but I said we’d need to give it another couple of days. I’ll see if he remains consistent until then.

Also friend zoned another guy who seemed really sweet, who said he wanted something serious but didn’t want to “lead me on” as he wasn’t in a rush to get married . That’s often code for a man with zero plans to settle down anytime soon . I thanked him for his honesty though.

What do you when you have a conversation that you're mainly driving... I'm talking about men that give you proper answers but don't ask many questions back. I've just given up answering (after some "strikes"), but I don't know should I have written something to let them know why I stopped replying. (It may not be any use for me, but would it help other women they speak in the future)

@User990 I sometimes write “ I feel I have asked you quite a few questions, feel free to ask me back etc “ it seems to give them a kick!

Does anyone else get these really unhelpful comments off family and friends....
"I just have a feeling you'll meet someone in real life"........

I cannot explain HOW much those comments annoy me! When in the deep dark trenches of OLD, those comments are very unhelpful. Why are couples up family/friends so clueless 🙈

Currently having an extremely boring conversation with someone on bumble which was initially exciting but now meh 😖