Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Chocolatefreak I get how that could’ve happened, some teenage girls can look and act older and some 20 year olds can look super young. I was mistaken for a school kids until I was mid 20s.

However yeah I’m wondering why he raised it so early. He could be testing your boundaries. Today it’s the “accidentally” sleeping with a minor, tomorrow it may be something else. How did it come up in conversation?

Has anyone else checked out the Instagram of their datee and found that they’re following literally thousands of models and female sport stars and female body builders?

He seems really genuine but this has massively creeped me out

@RosieAway one of the perks of leaving all social media is not having the option to do this, BUT - that is a useful insight into the guy, is he a fantasist? Or just a bit creepy? I’d find that off putting if I saw my date doing that yes.
Just returning to this as been following the thread, makes me feel less alone with the conundrums of dating someone I’ve only just met. Still feels strange to date people when I know no one who knows them, a lot more thinking required to decipher who they really are.

I have a fourth date with the teacher tonight (I mentioned before but didn’t give him a name), who is a lot of fun, but also a fair bit more extrovert than me. We’re going dancing, so that’s going to be interesting / awkward depending on the mood! But probably memorable whatever happens.

@Tamigotxh @SamW98 I wondered why he was telling me so early too. We live in a European country where you can buy/drink alcohol at 16, so it would be easy for someone younger but looking older to blend in at bars etc. However, he's been very open about sharing details about his house, his sport in which he has a responsible national position, and his business, so he doesn't seem to have anything to hide. He was at pains to point out he doesn't find young girls attractive, he's attracted to women his own age etc (I am 5 years younger than him). I don't see any other red flags, he is on good terms with his ex wife, involved in his kids' lives etc. But I will be on alert for anything suspicious. Thanks for the input!

@DippingAToeIn also thanks for your perspective!

Your fwb set up sounds ideal!

Yes a guy I had a couple of dates with last year came up on my ‘people you might know’ on FB and obviously I had a nose 🤣

Honestly if I’d seen his FB before I would have run a mile. He follows 100’s of amateur ‘glamour models’ half his age, posted a lot of football hooligan type stuff and also made posts about wanting to ‘smash the f**king faces in’ of anyone not sticking rigidly to Covid rules.

His FB actually gave me the creeps - he had seemed really nice so just goes to show.

Hi and good luck to anyone going on dates this weekend and for those who aren't I hope you all have a nice weekend

@ForWildCoralUser yes it’s the Wild West! I don’t know if I should have looked or not. Can’t take him on face value now but forewarned? It IS a conundrum trying to work out people who are absolute strangers indeed. Good perspective.

@SamW98 oh yuck!! Yes I’m worried about the nice front as have been suckered in before. His aren’t young amateurs but there’s 1000s and no men. Hmmmm

I started a convo with someone yesterday and it was great! Lots of banter, quick replies, not mundane boring chat also I ACTUALLY fancied him!!!! Anyway... he's not replied now and it's been 24 hours (give or take!). Feeling disappointing and I've literally had no sparks at all in ageesssss!!!!

I did exchange numbers with someone last week in the hope it may develop. He asked me what I was looking for, to which I replied and asked him. He then replied saying something serious etc and then he said "a sexy best friend". Major ick incoming! I haven't been able to bring myself to reply 🙈

blacksocks33 Oh I hate it when that happens! It's so mean isn't it, when they can't just send a quick message to say they aren't interested or whatever.
It's always worse when you actually fancy them a bit as well isn't it

Did you reply to the 'Sexy best friend' one?

Re Instagram etc, I've never found anybody on there as I don't use them myself & don't think to look really!
But I have clicked on the attached Instagram's on Bumble & I decided not to match one who had 99% naked chest gym photos or 99% selfies (not even in interesting places, just against a plain wall!)

RosieAway I wouldn't like that at all tbh.

What a douchewad. Piece of shit. Poor wife.

Tbh it was me that suggested Whatsapp to guys and quite a few accused me of being a scammer lol.

@Chocolatefreak walk away very fast and block. Either he’s pushing your boundaries or he’s lining up to tell you something serious about that incident. That’s horrific and I would have been freaked right out too

No but had I done so with my ex who turned out to be an utter cheating shit, it would have exposed all this kind of stuff!

@blacksocks33 have you replied to sexy best friend man? I'd be tempted to let it slide if the rest of the messages/ communication had been good. It is easy to type something without really thinking how it might land.

@RosieAway that would put me right off.

@Chocolatefreak I would think there is likely to be more to that story and not in a positive way. Seems suspicious in terms of why he is choosing to tell you so early on.

Well I finally seem to have found a good communicator! We have been messaging back and forth for a few days and planning to meet next week and then yesterday he sent a 'some things you should know about me' before we meet type message. I was like oh ok here we go, just when things were looking quite positive. But actually it was nothing worrying or off putting, the opposite really. We probably are quite different though so unlikely to work out but it's really good to know there are people out there who can write in whole sentences and who are thoughtful with it.

I’ve been chatting to a guy for just over a week. Timing not great as he’s in Spain for a week until tomorrow so not had any opportunity to arrange a meet up. He’s messaged every day from his holiday which is a positive. Hes a good communicator writes whole sentences, asks questions etc.

We were just chatting about stuff and I said I was giving my parents a lift to the theatre tonight and he said last time he went there was to see his favourite comedian- Jim Davidson and that’s really made me go ‘eugh’ as I hate the racist misogynistic old dinosaur. It might sound a daft thing to get the ick over after chats been going well so maybe I need to get past it but it’s definitely made me think.

@SamW98 I don't think it's a daft thing to get the ick by at all. I can't abide him either so would put me right off for sure.

@SamW98 Would definitely give me the ick as well!

My last minute second date with Mr… I haven’t even given him a nickname, was a disaster. I would tell you all about it but he’s almost certainly on Mumsnet so I’d better not.

Looking forward to my date with Mr Pilot (not an actual pilot btw) tomorrow.

Mr FWB sending me messages still, completely vanilla / quite sweet (talking about family). I think he’s just trying to win me over after I was less than forthcoming with the spicier chat when we first matched. 😅

@SamW98 If he shares the same views as JD then yes, that might be quite difficult to get past.

I start talking about my environmental concerns, gay sibling, and political position fairly early on in my chats, that quickly raises the alarm if they just can't tolerate any of that 'woke nonsense' 😆

@Mckittens is your upcoming date the knitter?

Hello all, I got behind on the chat and managed to get a bit heartbroken and disappointed in the meantime and deleted Bumble for a month but now back on it…will try to write an update later but had a steep learning curve, am fed up with celibacy and have no dates lined up 😄

@Crushed23 not good re disaster date and the idea that they may possibly be lurking! Hope your date with Mr Pilot is much more positive and good that the FWB sounds like there might be potential there too!

@Chocolatefreak yes with the knitter, hopefully meeting him mid week. I really like the sound of him from his messages so fingers crossed. I have been thinking about the last date I had though, can't really get him out of my head. The one who seemed to have friend zoned me. I keep thinking about him. I've deleted his number which is probably wise but keep thinking maybe he thought I wasn't interested in him. Find it all very confusing this on line dating thing!

@Mckittens knitter sounds cool. And he might help distract you from Mr Friend Zone!

Finally got a date 😀
Meeting up with Mr BDT
It's been a few weeks chatting on n off
But let him set the pace as he has had lot on his plate with work and caring for an elderly sibling, who has now sadly passed away.
But he has asked to meet , so have arranged to meet up tomorrow lunchtime .

@NervesOfCotton It's just disappointing isn't it! He was like a fresh of breath air whislt in the trenches if "hi are you ok". But eh never replied! Odd! I just wish people would unmatch I stead of ghost... at least then I know they're not returning. Anyone else feel like that? Obviously this is only in the early chatting days...

@Mckittens haha, no I have not returned to Me sexy best friend! I guess I wasn't really feeling it and that just made me feel weird. He felt very serious and I wasn't getting any flirty banter which I obviously like so I've just left him at that!

So back to no chats 🙈 gotta keep going right?!