Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hello haven’t been here for a while. Nothing was happening. But matched with a very nice guy, he seems so normal! Divorced amicably with children. However - I missed his “sexuality” on his profile. Pansexual?! From what I’ve just read, is this basically bi-sexual? Or can it just mean emotionally-attracted to people rather than physical etc? I’ll have to ask I think. If it’s the former I don’t think I’m that open minded!

@RosieAway pansexual means that you are potentially attracted to men, women, trans people - generally it means that you are attracted to the person over and above what gender they are.
Can I ask why that would put you off? I am pan, it doesn’t mean that I am going to be flirting with everyone and anyone, or unfaithful or anything like that, and people generally have been fine with it.

Thank you so much for the explanation. To me, it’s blatant double standards I guess. It seems a status more common with females and I guess every man I’ve known who has been attracted to both sexes has ended up being out and out gay. I don’t feel comfortable having a sexual relationship with man who is or has had sex with a man. Sorry if that comes across bigoted, it’s just how I feel - even be it conditioning etc. and I think a lot of women would feel the same way

I am too, like @Mountainormolehills says it just means they are attracted to the person & that's not dependent on their sex or gender. I don't think it's a red flag at all, the opposite but then I guess I would think that 😂

There is a really good scene in Schitt's creek where David described it as being about the wine ( any type of wine) not the label.

Sorry x post with you @RosieAway

I totally get where you are coming from. Are you going to ask him about it or do you think it's a definite deal breaker and un match

I’m with you. It would bother me too - we feel what we feel and it’s not wrong or bigoted to choose what works for you as regards a potential sexual partner.

I wouldn’t date a bisexual man either. And being ancient, pansexual is a new one for me

@RosieAway I guess it’s just a preference, when I was younger I would prefer people to have a strong preference for my gender, these days I want them to have a strong preference for me specifically 😂
I don’t have a strong bias towards any gender, I have been open to dating trans people although it’s never happened, and I absolutely have dated/know men who are fully bi/pan, I don’t think they need to pretend these days, you’re more likely to see men who say they’re straight and actually be bi/pan/gay.
You don’t need to justify why you don’t want to date someone, if you’re uncomfortable about them for whatever reason then that’s good enough.

@mckittens he’s lovely so I’ll ask him about it. Guess I’d need to hear from him about it and meet him before it’s a dealbreaker… but probably

Yeah I think it's worth a conversation but @SamW98 is right, absolutely got to go with what you feel comfortable with.

Does anyone else get really triggered by matches sending just a 👋 Had another 3 today.

How difficult is it to type actual words? It probably irritates me irrationally but I feel my shoulders go up to my ears when I get an alert that I’ve got a message and all I see is 👋

I assume the men who put phone number on their profile have either a burner phone or are "technologically challenged" , there is no way you should be giving out your phone number like that.

Agree the whole 👋 is super low energy but then sometimes I think maybe they used to write in whole sentences and have got sick of getting nothing back so they are now going low effort. But I suspect that I'm being too kind.

I’ve matched with Mr FWB because I was curious to see what he was like instead of wasting time wondering whether or not he would be another dating disappointment.

He messaged first (quite quickly) the chat is okay so far. Not too sexual, which is nice.

Anyone got any advice for fwb type relationships if that’s the right description. Rules you have etc??

I had a date with Mr T. I would say he was having a few issues in life l so I won’t see him again. But I felt for him and he was completely hilarious! I needed a giggle so that was a bonus!

Yes I totally agree with you! Having been on the apps a while now I get so annoyed with the opening message. Nobody ever messaged first and I get ignored more then I get replies so I think it's reasonable to think that most people just cba putting the effort in... although thag attitude isn't going to resolve the issue 😅

I just matched with someone in tinder. I matched with him a few months ago on bumble and had a nice convo but then he didn't reply and that was that! He's just sent me a message saying "hayooo"... I don't even know how to reply! He's very good looking mind 😍

@Crushed23 I guess that means the rooftop date didn't go well? It's good the fwb guy is quick to respond but doesn't push you into a date straight away. How do you feel about his looks?

This week I've been drown in a pile of work - working until 10 every day. It's good that Mr Modern is away as I'm not sure I would have any energy left to see him!

@Okigen The rooftop date is this weekend! But the chat on Hinge dried up (after being really good for a few days), so I guess I matched with Mr FWB out of boredom! He hasn’t pushed me into a date but I’m keen to meet him to see if he’s as good looking as his profile which is… oh my goodness 😅

I should add that I’ve never had a FWB ever so this all very much new territory! I would love to hear people’s ground rules etc too @Tillievanilly 🙂

I’m assuming one can have a normal first date with a potential FWB and sex is not expected?

I would want to make sure I was getting into that kind of relationship with someone decent, so I would want one or two nice dates that end with a peck on the cheek before getting more involved (this might be wishful thinking 😂).

I've developed a bit of a crush on someone at work who joined about 8 months ago. He's not in my team, though is 2 levels below me. Haven't yet worked out whether he's single, dating or gay lol

Not sure if it's a true attraction, or just because there's no-one else on the horizon, so I'll watch and see if anything develops as we've been having friendly conversations lately.

I'll call him Mr Temperley 😍😍😍

I've just had a weird experience and I need your collective advice. Nice date with decent sounding guy. But he's just told me that when he was about 20 he had sex with a girl who later told him she was only 14. He said she didn't look young, and seemed experienced. He has also just said he was shocked and always asked to see ID cards if girls seemed young after that.

What would your reaction be? I'm a bit taken aback to be honest. He seems kind and open, do I accept this was a genuine mistake? Or something more sleazy?

Also friend that went away with Mr Local has just sent some stunning photos of where they are right now, it looks amazing and so romantic! If nothing happens between then it will be a miracle!

What kind of rules do you mean? For me with mine we see each other once a month for the benefits bit, and sporadically for friend type activities too. If the arrangement isn't working for one of us at any point then we've agreed to communicate this. Main rule is just to have some non commital fun!

The fact that he's told you about it, and that he didn't know at the time how young she was, indicates to me that this isn't a red flag. It's not as if he's told you that he's attracted to underage girls now, so don't sweat it. 6 years isn't a massive age gap- girls mature faster than boys, physically as well as emotionally, so I can totally see how he'd have thought she was older.
If it was me, I wouldn't think this was sleazy, just honest. I had sex at 15 and also used to lie about my age- it does happen, and it's not the guys fault x

Thanks for sharing! I think keeping it fun seems to be key.

Mr FWB (my potential first FWB) is busy all weekend so we’re not meeting till next weekend.

I’ve got my date with Mr Pilot on Sunday at the rooftop bar which I’m looking forward to, even if the messaging has dried up somewhat - hopefully he’s more chatty IRL!

I’ve also got a second date tonight, pretty last minute, with a guy I met two weeks ago and didn’t fancy but he was good company so I’ve agreed to see him again. He’s the one who’s in the exact same profession as me and we know a lot of the same people which is a bit too close for comfort, if I’m honest 😅

I would be questioning why he’s told me this tbh. Was he prosecuted and is a registered sex offender? Its a strange thing to confess to so early and I have to admit I’d be suspicious