Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Tamigotxh Oh yes, I noticed a lot of this (silent treatment/stonewalling) goes on even if it's still early days. Even if one is trying to find some sort of middle-ground, it's just off when that other person just stops communicating.

It's totally normal and okay to say "I'm not okay with X, but can we try Y instead?"

I did feel like a lot of guys operated with "Say yes or communication stops altogether" mentality, that's a deal-breaker, nothing even started and it's already some sort of weird power-struggle? no, thank you

@Tamigotxh Most men I chatted with wanted to exchange numbers and arrange the first date fairly quickly - after around 2 days of chatting. I have never had any pic request; I think these guys are simply very busy and don't have time chatting for too long (late 30s/early 40s professionals). I'm quite busy too so it worked well. However I do ignore those who asked me out too quickly eg. after just several texts.

It strikes me odd that I've only known Mr Modern for only 2 weeks and yet have managed to mention him to my close friend AND my therapist (in CBT for insomnia!). On the other hand, he has disappeared (on holiday) so I suddenly have a free weekend with no date lined up - freedom! 🙈

I did feel like a lot of guys operated with "Say yes or communication stops altogether" mentality, that's a deal-breaker, nothing even started and it's already some sort of weird power-struggle? no, thank you

@cassiatwenty yes, this. It’s such a bad sign of what they’re going to be like in a relationship. There’s all these stats about how most men on OLD supposedly find it hard to get a date, and they try to link it to looks/income/height. But I wonder if they factor in how many of these men are effectively knocking themselves out of the game by showing such bad traits early on. I’ve cancelled first dates on attractive and high earning men when they’ve shown entitlement. Good thing is those men are doing us a favour showing their true colours early on! They say you really get to find out a man’s character when he hears NO. How he responds tells you a lot.

@Okigen yeah it’s reasonable if a date is planned alongside the exchange of numbers! I’ve came across men like that too - busy and keen to set up the date and I’ve been ok exchanging numbers in those situations. My issue is more with the ones who aren’t even discussing the idea of meeting up while asking for my number.

LuckyLinda I'm glad that you are in a good place.

I'm nodding along with all the 'Pushing to swap numbers' chat. I'm another one who is cautious of swapping no's too quickly, (due to previous bad experiences, dick pics etc) but very occasionally, I feel comfortable early on & I will suggest it.

I also like to arrange a date fairly on but have had dates where we never came off the App & just carried on communicating on there.

And yes, the old 'If you don't want to swap no's then I will just stop communicating'. Happens often. Had one just the other week, I said 'Not just yet' to swapping no's & he basically went instantly to one word answers, so when I said 'Ok, this isn't going anywhere now' he said 'Well I'd be happy to chat properly if you want to swap no's'. Nope.

Had one just the other week, I said 'Not just yet' to swapping no's & he basically went instantly to one word answers, so when I said 'Ok, this isn't going anywhere now' he said 'Well I'd be happy to chat properly if you want to swap no's'. Nope.

@NervesOfCotton Wow he wasn’t even trying to hide it. He’s quite clearly saying if we don’t swap numbers I won’t give you proper answers. It’s like he’s punishing you for your boundaries. Hope you unmatched him!

Tamigotxh Absolutely! I said something like... 'So you've stopped communicating with me properly in the hope that I will then be that desperate to carry the chat on, so I will give you my number? Well that worked well didn't it'.

I've been doing this for far too long for this game playing nonsense.

One guy just asked me again what I do in my free time. We‘ve been talking for just over a day, he could’ve easily scrolled up to check that and it doesn’t bode well he couldn’t remember that we’d already been through this. He’s either not paying attention and/or talking to too many women.

I unmatched him as well as the other one who was asking to swap numbers.

Back to zero and have now paused Hinge. I need a break 😂

Hope you all have better luck this week with your matches!

Nicely done @NervesOfCotton maybe he’ll think twice before he pulls a stunt like that again.

There seems to be a running theme of little options available for OLD.

Last year it felt that the majority of us on here had potential quite a few times, but so far this year it’s been the opposite.

Mr Teacher messaged mw apologising for being crappy at communicating with me but had been analysing/reflecting. He wants to keep seeing me but has a lot going on and “don’t think I I can see you as much as you would like.” So I agreed but responded that it’s not unreasonable to see someone regularly when you’re trying to figure out potential. Also said we had seen each other twice in a month, would have been more at his request, not mine!

I can also proudly say that I haven’t engaged on the apps all weekend - whoop! Lol.

Have a lot of family stuff that happened this weekend, so the break was good.

Hope everyone’s options get better soon!

A friend just had an interesting experience on POF. She matched with someone but politely declined to pursue and then found her profile was removed? She was perplexed but was able to reinstate it then was inundated with messages from men saying how gorgeous she is… I was suspicious that these were bots generated by the refreshing of the profile, but she is convinced they are real people. Odd since it was a desert before? All in her age range -she is 69..?????

I'm feeling despondent after what felt like a positive meet up last week. I thought it had gone well, positive messages afterwards, though my daughter having read me back says I had been friend zoned. He said at the end lets meet again and in following messages. But now radio silence. My self esteem is taking a hit from it. He was older by a few years and had lived a life and that showed, but he was interesting so I thought I'd definitely give it a chance but he has obviously ruled me out 🤦‍♀️

Anyway I've gone back to Match after freaking out at seeing my ex on Hinge and have got a right old selection of chats going on. Some of whom I just need to block and delete for sure.

@VanillaSox that sounds really suspicious.

I had an opening message recently which was along the lines of ‘my number is 07xxxxxxxx give me a call saves wasting time’

Does that approach really work? It was an instant delete for me

@LittleFloatingGhost well done for staying away from the apps! It's definitely good to have a break but I also find it compulsive and hard to stay away for long!
Mr Teacher sounds v avoidant, not good!

SamW98 I get loads of those on the free site.

'Fred (phone no)'

I always wonder if anybody actually messages them back.

LittleFloatingGhost That's frustrating & annoying! But I suppose at least you know sooner rather than later.

Tamigotxh Enjoy your break! It really is bleak out there right now.

@Okigen you must really like Mr Modern! Also, I think we’re swimming in the same pool and no doubt are matching with the same men on Hinge 😁 I can relate to your experiences e.g. men not asking for a photo etc. Fingers crossed we both find our person in the rather flakey 30something London professional pool!

I was hoping things would fizzle out with Mr Indecisive but he messaged asking me out on a second date! I have let him down gently (I said there was no spark but it was nice to meet him).

I have a date on Sunday with Mr Pilot. He seems nice, although his working hours seem a lot longer than mine. He has booked a rooftop bar for this weekend (without needing any hints) which is a green flag 🙏

Separately I have matched with a profile of a very good looking man who is clear he just wants a FWB. It’s probably because of my rather long dry spell (and the fact I’m ovulating rn 😂), but I’m kind of interested! Maybe if this weekend’s date goes nowhere, I’ll consider… ‘taking a lover’ 😅

@NervesOfCotton Thank you for sharing that experience. I thought it was just me! Yes it's totally weird, it's like some men try to assert their dominance before you even meet (which is not entirely bad news because you can bin them straight away).

It's so creepy tbh. I'm not looking for a manager, I'm looking for a partner/bf.

Definitely @Tamigotxh I did feel some of men out there were punishing you for having boundaries. It doesn't even make sense to blindly trust a stranger and say yes to all of their demands.

Back when I first started OLD I was so naive and I was so disappointed when bad men were doing this sort of emotional blackmail. Now when they start, I block instantly and move on.

@Crushed23 I do feel we are fishing in the same pool 😂But my matches are way more serious (because I filtered out everyone who are "unsure" in anything). Hopefully it means we will not come here moaning about the same man! Be careful about "taking a lover" though. Isn't there a warning not to have sex too soon after egg freezing due to some hormonal issue? (I can't remember the reason for that though!)

I am thinking of responding to the FWB match in a few weeks after I’ve recovered (last time it took 2 full weeks after the procedure before I felt like myself again). One thing I love about Hinge is that matches don’t expire. Fingers crossed he’s still interested then.

I guess I do ultimately want a serious relationship, but I am probably looking for something casual while so much stuff is going on in my life and I’m not long out of my last relationship. However, as discussed previously on this thread, men seem to either want casual sex or a serious relationship - and not a casual relationship (where you date properly but it’s short-term).

I mentioned mr t yesterday and it looks like we may be heading to fwb due to his job. Which to be honest I wouldn’t say no to. I also have an option with someone else as a fwb but I will see how mr t goes first on our date. Part of me wants more, part of me doesn’t.

I noticed other ladies mention Mr. T (I also named my iron Mr. T) I hope it's not the same guy 😅

@cassiatwenty his name doesn’t begin with T it was a nickname! Although I wonder how many of us have dated the same person 😬

cassiatwenty Definitely not just you!

I don't think I've ever had a Mr T. How do other people choose their men's nicknames? (Just out of interest!)

T as in tea, or T as in the A team or T as in golf T? I'd probably use any of those

@NervesOfCotton I usually pick mine by a defining feature/something they've told me.... irl I use "the...." rather than "Mr". The wrestler, The Italian, The Vicar, The Laird.

Ok so the one that I thought was a positive date last week has sent a message, just a friendly txt but as if we are pals. I'm so confused by this whole process at times. I've not replied. I'm not sure if it's a generational thing but I find it so hard to read what's happening with each situation. I don't find everyday stuff hard to read or understand but this is on another level of confusing.