Dating Thread 248 - Spring is on it's way and so are outdoor dates

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
7. Know your wortH.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I think you have just nailed it there @LittleFloatingGhost..that sounds like my kind of relationship too

I agree with @LittleFloatingGhost - ridiculous chemistry is not a good sign! With my last relationship, I met two men at the same time, and decided to go with the one I didn't hugely fancy to start with. Right decision (until he dumped me that is).

So similar to my experience @HelenHywater I went with the nice, safe guy and it still didn’t work out!

I am always torn between the whole never settle/wait-for-the-real-thing and giving the no-spark men a chance because time is not on my side (I’m mid-30s). It’s a constant dilemma.

You are totally right @SamW98 and @blacksocks33, this is literally the only time my spidey senses have gone off. I also have to be careful with my son as he gets very attached and has already lost two girls from his life when my ex decided to be a cheating scumbag! I just need to learn to enjoy the moment and stop worrying about stuff. Any tips anyone?!

And good luck with getting back on it! Not forgetting “what are you looking for on here?” 😂

Well the man messaging first on Bumble is so successful

I’ve had a ‘morning’ and a 👋 today.

My prompt is What’s the next thing you’re looking forward to?’ And someone just replied ‘taking a dump’ - just why????

Magnificent

@Bestlife18 I think what I learnt from CBT is that you have to actively acknowledge and challenge those kind of thoughts when they come into your brain.
For example if you think "what if bla bal bla".... and then immediately tell yourself to stop thinking about that. It's not helpful. It's out of your control and force your mind to move on.

It's very hard, but I'm in a habit of doing it now and it does help!

Haha, well if a single person asks me how my weekend has been they're getting deleted 🤣

Yes I need to work on stuff like that, I am so bad for it.

haha yes good luck! My friend has had some classics this last week as well on match!

Where do you find them?! 🤯

They find me! He actually looked really normal and had a decent profile. It might be his idea of humour but it’s certainly not mine

@SamW98 not mine either!

My weekend update. Mr Teacher’s comms have down hill and I felt I was given the slow fade. He messaged today apologising and explaining why he had been crap. He had also been reflecting and whilst he wants to see me again, doesn’t want to leas me around and thinks he can’t give me the time he feels I need, especially as he has a busy few weekends ahead.

We have a call tomorrow and think that will be it. Have deleted the apps again. I am hoping my update on Monday is that I haven’t been back on them because I got bored one night! Lol

Think the universe is telling me to have a break.

I'm taking a little break, waiting all the conversations to die down 😂I have one date planned for later in the month. Due to scheduling issues, I wouldn't normally wait that long to meet. But he had one photo (even if it was an older picture) where he looked a bit like one actor I find quite 🔥 that's surely a good enough reason to wait... (not taking a break because of him though)

I texted to make clear with Mr Suit that I'm not looking to date him as there is age gap between us (well, I should have said that when he asked for my number but I was too flattered to say no 🙈). He replied that he actually didn't want to date either, just thought I was a nice person to know and wanted to have some coffee catch-up! Not very convinced but he's a nice enough - so I said yes sure why not. Perhaps this is the beginning of a friendship? We'll see.

@Crushed23 I'm also in mid-30s and feel the same dilemma. But recently I decided to sod it! We don't have control over our fate as we would like to think and it's useless to anguish over something that is influenced so much by luck. (On a side note, I'm now at a bar after work and it's quite funny to observe couples. Mr Suit look like he has 20 years over me, which is nothing compared to the 50-ish gap I've just seen 😂)

After 2 weeks of quite interesting conversation, the guy I’m messaging on Hinge has suggested “a walk” as a first meet.

Am I the only one who loathes walk dates?

We’ve been talking about our mutual love for beer gardens and rooftop bars. Why can’t he just pick one for us to meet at? Why suggest a walk?! It’s so low effort.

Sat here and thinking about it all.

When I was with my ex, I really thought that he was the one. But I had to deconstruct that, and start all over again. It's so bizarre.

But I do kinda of miss it. I like having male friends. Wondering how do we know if we're really ready to date again? Or does life grinds us down and weakens our defenses. Oh well, should have planned a date this weekend, but didn't!

Ive never had anyone suggest a walk as a date - I think I’d laugh tbh. That’s not a date imo.

Im happy with simple az first date but I’m talking coffee or a nice quiet pub.

Actuslly soneone once suggested walking his dogs as a first date and I told him I’m not much of a dog lover - well you would have thought I’d told him I strangle and drown puppies the way he reacted 🤣

The worst first date suggestion I had was when he said we could find a pub with Sky Spoets and watch the West Ham Chelsea match together - who said romance is dead

Just a walk is probably bit odd, but coffee and then a walk, especially in a nice weather and somewhere interesting (park, gardens etc) sounds good to me.

@Crushed23 I blame it on inflation! Nice bars seem to be reserved for the second dates these days. Re walking, is there something on your profile which suggests you like nature or suchlike? All of my first dates were coffee, which I thought was a bit odd, until I realised my profile mentioned I was such a coffee snob 🙈

@Okigen I love a coffee first date! I think that’s my favourite, as can keep it short and sweet if the date isn’t going too well.

You might be right r.e. inflation, but it’s worrying that single men in their 30s can’t spare a few pounds to have a drink with a potential future girlfriend. I guess I worry it’s a sign of general stinginess…

I went on a walking date last summer; never again. We walked through the woods at a National Trust type place, it was a nice day so it was absolutely heaving with people.

It's an extremely low effort date, although it is a good way of having relaxed conversation without being head-on, if you see what I mean.

If doing something low cost, I'd prefer a coffee/tea date over walking.

I love a walking date but I have that on my profile too.

cassiatwenty It's an interesting question isn't it! I often say that when I first joined OLD I wasn't ready at all... But what that actually means is that I wasn't thick skinned enough for all of the cruel comments, put-downs & general nastiness of OLD.

I feel like I'm ready to date because I have some time where a man could fit in (in a good way, not fit in because there's nothing else to do!) & I'd like to spend some time dating somebody & getting to know them. I'm exited about that. (What I'm not exited about is the OLD we have to do to get the dates)

Met Mr King again for lunch this week, which although he paid again (£18 bill), he seemed to have to transfer money from somewhere else to do so. This didn't hugely concern me at the time (I keep very little in my current account and move from savings as needed), although I did make a mental note.

Then I spent a morning where he is living (a relative's flat), which was great after my 3 year dry spell. Same evening his phone went off, turned out he hadn't paid the bill...he's 46! He called me from another phone to explain. We were due to go out for drinks last night, but he said he had no money, so he could come to mine instead. I'm not comfortable with him coming to my house, so said I'd stay in by myself.

Although I love that he is a tradie and all jobs hands on man, we have such different lifestyles, I can see it wouldn't work long-term, but the 3 week romance has been lots of fun!

I'm back to the drawing board, but strangely don't feel sad about it, but more confident that I will meet someone with a mutual attraction to have a relationship with.

I’ve said no to the walking date (using the fact that the route will be heaving with people as an excuse), and he has replied saying let’s meet at a spot on the route. 🤦‍♀️

How hard is it to pick a coffee shop or pub?!

The indecisiveness is not filling me with hope for the date.

Awww I'm going to through a spanner in the mix and say i love a walking date 🙈😂 but I like the idea of a nice wander and glass of wine at the end! Not just a walk... or hike as men seem to be obsessed with nowadays!