I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

Would you have to convert to Islam beforehand?

Op MN is the wrong place to put this post, you’re gonna get inundated with islamaphobic nonsense.

i did this with my dh, it’s no big deal but I did the nikah in the UK

what country of origin is he from as this will alter the traditions slightly. It may have no bearing here but in his country of origin it might.

im sure you know, but as a Christian or Jewish religiously there is no pressure to convert. Nor do you have to pick a name or anything. Re the veil, I see no difference here to a bridal veil.

for the most part Arab people are very very very welcoming!

if they are gulf Arabs and you’re invited to their home, don’t point out the things you like as a compliment, they’ll likely give it you 😅 made that mistake, pointed out a very lovely ornements and rug that probably was thousands, and they were packing it up to give it me lol, very very generous people.

No

@Greyrabbit24
I hope you are still reading even if you aren't posting. Can I just add to the facts that others have pointed out - despite your partner saying his parents will let you sleep together the night before the Nikkah, this absolutely WILL NOT be tolerated. Also, despite him saying he is non-religious, I can almost guarantee that once you are with his parents, you will see a remarkable change in his behaviour, towards his religion and towards you. It is also not good that he is lying to them about you living together and expecting you to lie to them too.

And no, I'm not Muslim nor a Daily Mail reader but I have lived in an Arabic country for quite some years and have a lot of Muslim friends. I have a friend who married a "very-non-religious" Muslim, who even drank and smoked at the start. Within a few years she is wearing a hijab, their son is learning to pray, she has given up Christmas, alcohol and pork, fasted during Ramadan and her tween daughter from a previous relationship is also being "encouraged" to dress more modestly. All things that he absolutely and catagorically "wasn't into". Until he was. And now she is stuck and deeply unhappy.

I genuinely hope that you partner is different, but to varying degrees, I know several similar stories to the above although fortunately not as extreme. But to be fair, I also am acquainted with a Scottish lady who married a Muslim who genuinely is relaxed and they celebrate both Eid and Christmas. She does cover up when they visit his parents house out of genuine respect, but she doesn't when the parents come to visit them. They have been married many years and have grown up children, so it absolutely CAN work but there does seem to be more stories of it not working than there are that do. Please be careful.

Don't.

He's lying to his family about his life with you.🚩

If he's lying about his living arrangements what else will he lie about and you have to to adjust or also lie about?🚩

How are you going to raise children when your in-laws will be told that they will be strict Moslem? Then you're the bad guy who loses her children. Sharia places the children with the husband.🚩

You will not be sleeping together the night before UNLESS this small ceremony is a temporary marriage which prostitutes use.🚩

This man is not husband material.

I wouldn't do this..and you have already had a shedload of reasons why not. I wouldn't undertake any religious ceremonies in a religion that was not mine to please the parents of my fiance. I'd be especially careful given that your fiance is saying oh it means nothing I am not religious, its just to please my parents...who btw don't know that we live together in London and please don't tell them. So many red flags, I have no idea where to start.

Don't do anything to please other people. Red flags galore, absolute madness!

You are both not religious so it would be a stupid lie. What a farce. Don't do it if you have any integrity.

I've not read the full thread, but what's your input to your rights? Custody of children, divorce, inheritance etc.

The nikah may not be binding here, but it sure as hell is over there.

You can do a lot worse than book a chat with your local Iman and ask him about what could be involved. Non religious men have a habit of getting very religious. This would be very bad for you. It may be best to wait until you're legally married here. He'll happily help you as he's seen this play out all too often.

If DP won't discuss or postpone the date, stick a spoon in your bra before heading out to the airport. It's what Customs advise.

Fair enough to everyone being cautious on behalf of the OP, but there are some breathtakingly ignorant posts on this thread.

You need proper advice on the implications of agreeing to this ceremony. It suggests willingness to adhere to Islamic law and Islamic courts. In Islamic divorce women have no rights over their children and do not get half of the marital assets. When widowed they do not inherit much. If I were you I would want a legal marriage first and I would also ask how he felt about it happening in a church (if that was traditional in your family).

So many bordering on Islamophobic comments here. I also didn't tell my parents about my boyfriend. We're now happily married and have 2 children. My parents didn't try to kill him or kidnap him they just wanted things done by the book.

It was your wedding, you should have done what you wanted. Your M&FIL shouldn't have even come into it!

its MN after all, it’s a swamp of islamaphobia

Many of us either have personal experience, or have a close family member, friend or associate that has that experience. It's not ignorance or fear, just your naivette.

Keep a paper record of the marriage. In case you need it in the future.

Confirm with your fiance or his family how much of a dowry you will be receiving. Get all that confirmed so you know 100% what you are entitled to.

How will the nikkah work without a male presence from your family? I know there’s way to bypass this but make sure you have covered this with your fiance.

Good luck!

Will the family expect you to cover your hair and wear particular clothes all the time you are with them? Check the legal position both in the UK and overseas of this ceremony. Will you have to 'declare' it before your UK civil ceremony?

If you were my daughter I would do anything in my power to stop you going. I know nothing about marriage in those countries but we have all heard stories of these men taking children away, marrying someone local. And sleeping together? OP, that stinks to high heaven. PLEASE in the name of all women in the world who have fought for independence, emancipation and equality stop and think. Give yourself a couple of years, you're so young

I agree with this and I'm a Muslim.

You would probably be better off posting on the Muslim Board rather than here op, as most MNers are generally Islamophobic.

One thing you should know for your Nikah is who your witness will be. It should really be someone from your side (family or friend etc) rather than his.

Will the ceremony be translated? I think in many Muslim countries they insist if one of the couple isn't fluent in Arabic to ensure understanding and consent.

I think this might be the better advice here…

Or read the biography by Betty Mahmoodi:

https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=6a102af87d5bf95e&rlz=1C9BKJA_enGB841GB841&hl=en-GB&q=Not+Without+My+Daughter:+The+Harrowing+True+Story+of+a+Mother%27s+Courage&si=AKbGX_rO4P19IF_yO85wYpkEaz-W_oZWd5JUOOVnUVftf2aeoVSXavIfJVruTEpeUGyILVxfXvpyLxI-w8qSVFahxoKgOY7iToRwCcNuY_c8A3gA1Gvb4mgtWOLBAHxgQHdXGBdx6fxyvKM9s6l6V_-e0nsJ0pT-_Oyyn0Y-ETqH9ZNfYQSy00M3VLSo5tpV19yiljLWhJZwTNe9McksreQL6QgMgOVotqizoqF4XE06JrCMocdwSyMxM6RUI9VHgvAASkdsx7ce7oSRhblGF-l1asUu87K4e55wf6fiIvIRYdouYmET64tD7mM2Wl_npWKLya0ccIa7ZrPriVzCS5ZtLJ2oKgigPArhJZwRgKAlBussltKlutSriKv4NqlXh4KMvSFlAhAw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjR8YbHquWFAxXTYEEAHYi9DEMQgOQBegQIUBAM&biw=1024&bih=1322&dpr=2

What's ignorant about it? You've thrown a grown up word out there, but haven't explained at all why what I've written is- according to you- ignorant.
That to me seems rather.......ignorant.

And quite a few of us will have lived in Islamic countries too, so will have seen how such situations play out. If you are marrying into a family who all live in a big city in the Islamic world, that will be worlds away from a rural village in Baluchistan. If a) then probably a possibility but b) run.

That's for trafficked and forced. Unless he threatens OP if she doesn't go, she shouldn't need it or use it. She shouldn't even be at that airport in this situation. There is no indication she is under danger if she refuses to go. Ao ahe can simply refuse