I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

This happened in the 1980s.....in Iran...which isn't an Arab country.

I'm thinking of going to Germany next month and I am of Jewish heritage.....should I worry about the Nuremberg Laws whilst I'm there?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Islamic_Republic_of_Iran

😂

Fascinating article about a fascinating country, but not where the OP is going and so not relevant to this debate.

Not read entire thread but which country is he from?
this doesn’t sound good I’d be very cautious

Have you met your DP’s family OP?

I assume if he’s been able to hide that you live together over here, that you haven’t met them here and you haven’t been over there yet hence the Nikah so you can stay under the same roof at his parents and while travelling in his country?

Bit odd that you’re only staying at his parent’s for one day then before you go off travelling. Surely they’d want to get to know their son’s wife? Sounds very dodgy I have to say.

You do realise under Sharia law that you can’t go out without your husband’s permission and I assume you’d be subject to Sharia law in that country if you have an Islamic marriage in it?

I’d be very concerned that you might get trapped into doing something or being controlled into doing something you don’t want to do.

Having married a non practicing Muslim who I met and married in the UK (UK wedding, we never had an Islamic ceremony), I was pretty shocked by how he reverted to type when we finally visited his country 10 years after we met, after being married for 6 years and having had 3DC! He was like a completely different person and his family are not particularly strict Muslims so I’d be forewarned about that.

The point is it was an example of an Islamic country that was run by Islamic/Sharia principles.

^^ All of this.

This could be part of his and his family's plan. They know you are going to get legally married in the UK and there will probably be children. They want to make sure if the marriage ever goes wrong, he can take the children back to his home country which won't be signed up to the Geneva Convention, and he will be fully protected in law to prevent you from taking the children back home.

Even if he doesn't stay and live in his home country, he can leave your children with his relatives there, and will be fully supported in the laws of his country to do so.

Just don't to it. It's meaningless to you, pointless and benefits you not one jot.

I would have no part in this plan.

It won't. I did this ceremony in the uk and it wasn't recognised legally

It can.... Because it wouldn't be in UK

I did this op it's a short ceremony and not legally binding so I wouldn't worry too much about it x

it isn't recognise if it's done in the uk. however if it is done in a country where it IS legally recognised, then it is also legally binding in the uk.

Bit odd that you’re only staying at his parent’s for one day then before you go off travelling. Surely they’d want to get to know their son’s wife? Sounds very dodgy I have to say.

I suspect that they are not actually going travelling at all and this is just another he has told.

TBH, the op is asking if there is anything she should take into consideration when taking part in the ceremony. Not asking whether she should go through with it, which is what a lot of the answers on here are directed at. I’m sure she knows what the ceremony represents, and any consequences.

I’m sure she knows what the ceremony represents, and any consequences.

I doubt that very much. Which is why we're trying to warn her.

This can’t be real, are people really that naive?

OP I am concerned about your position. What country is your DH from and where is the Nikkah taking place? Have you discussed children and where you might live in the future? Is it a country where your children will get citizenship through their father and you will have few rights?

Seeing your previous threads I don’t get a sense that you trust your fiancé that much anyway.

I have been married to a North African Muslim for over 20 years and he never suggested a Nikkah because I am not Muslim. We married in the U.K. He is practicing and our DC are Muslim (this was all discussed long before we married). I have visited his home country many times and his family have never been concerned about my religion nor the lack of an Islamic marriage.

I went into the situation having agreed with DH how we would manage the cultural aspects. I am proof it can work if both parties are realistic and fair but don’t underestimate the need for open communication and honesty in a cross cultural relationship.

Yes, they are. This is why these disasters keep happening. Some people, especially young women when it comes to red flag relationships, simply insist on learning the hard way.

how can you be sure of that?

I would bet a sizeable chunk that OP is clueless about this whole situation

She also didn't seem to consider that she may not have civil here, because she will be potentially already married, simply because nikkah made in uk is not recognised. Some advice here is good for her. Some... As one married into muslim family I am bit... Times have changed, bit fine.

I also think that people asking whether they discussed futire - children, religion etc are absolute right. So many people do not. Many people marry someone from different coumtry or religion and it enda up disaster because they did not discuss basics beforehand. Languages, religion, place to live-plans and wants and wishes, working with having part of family abroad so visits etc.
It's really important.

I wouldn’t get legally married in a foreign country unless I knew for 100% certain that I would have the right to a divorce if the marriage failed AND I was fully aware of any legal obligations that the marriage might place upon me eg my husband having a legal right to all my assets.

If the OP has a Muslim wedding that is valid in the country where it takes place, it will be valid in the UK also.

Surely this means that she can't have a UK civil wedding as well, several months afterwards, as she plans (see her second post)? She will already be married, and her relations - legal, financial, child residence etc etc - with her husband will be governed by Sharia law as interpreted in the state where she got married.

She surely can't have a UK-style marriage governed by UK legal rules as well??

On the other hand, a quick UK civil wedding before she goes to her fiance's home country will give her share of any matrimonial property/money they jointly have in the UK some protection under UK law. In theory, it should also give her some (shared) rights over any children, though there are sad stories about what happens when children are abducted overseas by one parent or another. She can have a Muslim Nikah ceremony in the UK as well as a civil wedding, if she/her fiance/his family want it.

Ugh. It's terrifying how naive some people are. Just casually getting married abroad as if it is nothing, thinking you can come home and get married again later. As others have pointed out, you will be married. Religiously and legally. This small family, quick ceremony thing will be your official wedding. Unless your family is travelling out for that day, they will not see you get married, even if you hold a party when you get home. Make sure that is what you want.