I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

What they say now and what happens on their turf may be quite different. Keep hold of your own passport, cards, phone and tickets, do not be conned into letting the head man 'take care' of them. Be prepared for your non-religious partner to change radically when he's under the thumb of his family, you probably don't speak the language and won't know what's being said between them, even if you're allowed in the same room of any kind.

Bit surprised how many people think that religious marriage legally recognised in country where it is happening is just "meh, just nothing here in UK". Do some people think people married there get another wedding here or something? Countries have different rules that does not mean their weddings are not marriage recognised everywhere. Do you think muslim couples from countries where they marry under Sharia law, or any other system, have to have another wedding if they move to UK or something? Or Hindu because afaik Hindu ceremony is also not legally recognised when preformed in UK? This is not "for show" ceremony in AI resort by a hotel manager.. . These are actual marriages.

So while IF done in UK it wouldn't be legally recognised, alongside quite a few others, done in country where it is the system, it is an actual marriage. No matter where you go after.
Hence they can't actually have civil ceremony later anyway. They would be, if done in certain countries, married already.

Not really, she would probably be safer, as long as he was locked up!

Check with a solicitor about having the ceremony is the country or in the U.K. and the legal side / is you were to divorce or have children which one takes priority etc

Yep.
What are the family's expectations for how you should behave once married?
If you have kids, what are the family's expectations for your children, particularly when it comes to religious behaviour? If you go against this, and visit family, how do you intend to keep a small child from blabbing?
Are they likely to visit you in the UK? And if so, how do you plan to keep up the lie here?

Slightly troubling OP and if you were my daughter I would be losing my mind over what sounds like an elopement of sorts but where one family is heavily involved and calling the shots.

Not sure if you intend to return to this thread but I kindly suggest you take a step back and think about the implications of getting married in another country and culture, in the way you have laid out in your OP.

I don't believe there is ignorant hysteria on this thread. Just concerned voices.

I know you say it is to please his parents. But if he really doesn’t believe then why go through with a ceremony that is meaningless to both of you

If they and he are so keen for this religious ceremony then let them come to the UK and have it here.

A good friend of my husband's is a Muslim.
He was born in Iran in the 60s, but he's spent most of his life in London.

He is as secular, non observant, and relaxed a Muslim as you would expect to meet.
Except when it comes to his wives (yes, plural!).
He's currently on his 3rd wife, but they've been separated longer than they were actually married.
He wants 'good little Muslim wife'.

Some posters have alluded to red flags in this relationship from the OP’s previous postings. I think you’d get just as many posters urging caution in any other similar circumstances where the fiancé wanted this under handed arrangement.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain
I was watching a documentary about the lovely woman Fawziyah Javed who was pushed to her death at Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh by her husband.
Her devastated mother is involved with Karma Nirvana which is a national charity in the UK dedicated to supporting victims of Honour Based Abuse and Forced Marriage.
Perhaps your friend could contact them in relation to her Bangladeshi ndn ?

I think it is deeply offensive to co-opt something sacred just for show.

That's the same in Christian weddings, baptisms etc., our village church gets a lot of weddings from neighbouring Parishes because our church looks lovely in the photos and now of course on social media. Nothing annoys me quite as much as Godparents muttering through words they don't believe in or understand.

And a very significant number like to wear their rose tinted glasses for some subjects.

My only advice is to keep your passport and some money on your person at all times.

Which country? That's an important question, you need to be able to legally leave under any circumstances...

Aside from that, I really really would never do this..Just to appease his family? No. Stay here, be sure of your relationship for a while (pps allude to another thread which suggests you are not?), and then get married here if you wish.

Good luck x

And the phone numbers of local British representatives, Embassy, Consuls in case you do need help.

Don't do it

Tbh anyone travelling should have that

if your fiance isn religious why do it at all? sounds suss to me

This is what I'm thinking, too.

It isn't racist or anti Muslim to be aware that the position of women in some countries is decidedly not as free people with equal rights.

The people who are advising you to keep hold of passport, money, tickets, etc are right except that you may not be allowed to do so.
I am advising you not to go.

It’s grating when people ask these kinds of specific race-related or religion-related etc. questions on the general MN boards. Just consider the majority demographic of MN users - many will not be able to give you knowledgeable, objective, experience-based advice. Ask your question in a specific relevant board or on a different platform altogether. The responses here will just put you off based on users’ own ignorance or fear.

I believe a nikah done abroad is legal in uk. A nikah done in the UK carried no weight

Could you not do a nikah in the uk? You can take the certificate to your local registry office and have it legalised

I am very surprised they are ‘allowing’ you to be in the same bed the night before

What are you wearing?
Its normally hair completely covered and no bare arms or legs

Hmmm. We did a RC ceremony to keep M&FIL happy. Does that count?