I’m a British female going abroad with fiance and will marry him Islamically- anything I need to consider?

[Greyrabbit24]

My fiance and I are in our 20s. We are planning a visit abroad to his home country, which is Arab. We’ll be spending a day in his family’s home before travelling around the country on our own.

My fiance is not religious but his family is. We will be having a nikah, the Islamic wedding, it will be a small family thing where the imam comes to the home to give a short ceremony.

My fiance is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

We will be arriving late at their home so they’ve said it’s ok if we sleep together for this night as it’s one night before the nikah. I’m also aware that I’ll have to be very covered and my fiance suggested I cover my hair during the ceremony.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience with this? I’m expecting it to be a small easy thing- is there anything else worth considering? I want to be respectful to them but at the same time I don’t want to lose myself trying to please them. Thanks all!

This is not about race.

But I guess making it about race means you don’t have to grapple with the fact that in many non-Western countries women are the man’s property, so there is a risk associated with entering into a marriage in one of these countries and being dependant on the groom’s family while there.

We don’t know which country so we don’t know how bad the worst scenario could be but the fact that OP is expected to perform to please conservative parents is a big red flag.

Perhaps you should get familiar with what Ayaan Hirsi Ali has to say on the subject.

LOL and it’s not ignorant that everyone here seems to have jumped the conclusions?!? She’s not said her partners nationality. Her partner could be British but his family could be rich oil tycoons who live in Dubai!

also @Greyrabbit24 his family is not remotely religous. no religous Muslim family would allow their child to sleep together with their fiancee.

the nikah is sacred ceremony.... and sex outside of marriage is considered a major sin (I am not judging you, but the religous values are what they are). so effectively after committing a major sin, then just waltzing into a sacred ceremony is majorly majorly offensive

Muslims believe that after committing any major sin - including drinking alcohol or taking drugs... we are not pure for a period of 40 days. so no religous parent would say anything like what they said.

This. There is a lot of Islamophobia on MN (as evidenced by a lot of the responses)

Didn't happen to me. We divorced for many reasons but zero of them were related to religion. He's as religious now 20 years after we met as he was then.

Don't do it op.
You gonna regret that.

Nobody is worried about their race it is the religious aspect that is concerning. The nationality of these people is significant because depending on what country this will take place a number of things could be affected according to the laws of said country!!! Think.

Are you fluent in the language both oral and written? If not-don’t do it.

@Greyrabbit24 please be careful. I don't know which arab country you are talking about but in Egypt Nikah is also called Orfi/Urfi commonly also known as fuck papers.
I would be amazed if a muslim family let you sleep with their son in their house the night before this ceremony.
These papers basically protect you from being accused of adultery in Egypt if you are caught sleeping together before marriage. mr a; but are absolutely not a legal recognised wedding.
To the posters advising you to stay on your own in a hotel please check beforehand the hotel will allow this and pre-book it if they do, keeping all communications. You cannot just walk into a hotel there as a single woman and get a room, the fuck papers will also not allow this.
And trust me your fiance is religious even if he says he isn't and he will be especially religious in his own country around his parents.
Arab men cannot tolerate being thought badly of and always need to be right and to be seen as being in control.
This is just my considerable experience.

There is a saying you are not marrying the man - you are really marrying his family.

I.e. he seems all westernised now but they can change when they have children and want those children to have the same upbringing or cultural experience. Not necessarily the case but if he is humouring them to do the nikkah in his home country - he may well fall in line with their wishes once children are on the scene.

Which is totally 100% fine IF you agree with this. Have you both discussed religion, will any children be muslim, with muslim names, what about Quran lessons and observing Ramadan? The parents may expect this. All good if you both agree to this and what you both want culturally, where you will live whether UK or his home country etc.

There is no reason to do the Nikkah in his home country. There are countless mosques in Britain who will do it for you. My parents got married one morning at a mosque in the UK - the Iman woke his son up to be the witness as they did not have a witness :) they got an Islamic wedding certificate too.

So if it is not a big wedding and just the Iman popping by their house to do the ceremony you can surely do it in UK at a mosque?

However, WHY they may want you to marry in his home country is so the marriage is recognised - important if you have children so he can get them passports from his home country and also if you break up and he wants to take custody of the children.

So think carefully.

My parents are very happily married despite everyone being against it at the start (1970s). They proved them wrong BUT they agreed on everything in advance - language, religion etc.

Wishing you all the best OP

Mumsnet is NOT the place to come to for legal advice. You need to contact an actual, real-life lawyer who specialises in international marriage and divorce law.

The fact you think some randoms on the internet will be able to give you accurate legal advice without even knowing what country you are going to makes me doubt your ability to make rational decisions. Please, please don't go through with this until you have some actual legal advice.

"Will you be having an additional civil ceremony in the UK?. If not why not?. A Nikah ceremony carries NO legal weight in English civil law because it’s only recognised as a religious ceremony."

You are totally mistaken.

If this type of wedding is accepted as a legal wedding in that country and no further steps or ceremonies are required then it IS a legal marriage in the UK as well.

Can you get the Nikah done in the UK?

@Greyrabbit24 whats your fiancés legal status in the uk?

have you ever been in his country with him before?

guessing not. But you wrote this:
My fiancé is not religious at all and this is more of a thing done to please his family.

its very likely that he’ll get a shit load more religious when he’s at home, and you may see a side of him you don’t know.

what advice were you looking for? Legal? There’s no reason for this marriage in the UK, you could have done it already.

how long have you known him? Guessing not that long either.

do you WANT the marriage to be legally binding in the Uk? What are the benefits for you

do not get hung up on the romanticism here, it’s a contract. It gives him a way to get nationality etc and that in turn means he can marry others and bring them here etc.

If you really want to be respectful ask his parents directly if you can sleep apart before the ceremony please. It’s one night - just do it even if it was a week - still do it. I would also make sure you have a legal ceremony and any children are born in the U.K.

There are also muslims on this thread who have said she can have a Nikkah in this country and either the fiance or his family are lying about allowing them to stay in the same room before the ceremony. Why are they so desperate for her to go over there to have a legally binding marriage that they would promise her this? Why is her fiance going along with this if he is not religious? There are very serious consequences to doing this that the OP doesnt understand and presumably doesnt want to hear. It sounds like the family disapprove of their son marrying her and they want some kind of control over the children in case they split.

"I am aware that the nikah bares no legal value"

That isn't necessarily true. It all depends which country you get married in.

If your Islamic wedding takes place overseas in a country that accepts a Sharia marriage as a legal wedding then you are classed as legally married under English law and don't need to get an English civil wedding.

The validity of a Nikah conducted overseas is proved in England and Wales by the production of a marriage certificate or similar document issued under the law in force in that country.

Where a Nikah contract is not in English it must be accompanied by a translation, certified by a notary public or authenticated by a statement of truth.

.. oh and that’s from experience, not from the wretched Daily Mail.

Actually getting married in the U.K. after you have spent time in his country is a good idea. My ex was Jewish - all very non religious and didn’t go to the synagogue etc but then we visited his religious parents and they were foul to me and I saw a side of him that if I had seen it before I would not of married him.

There are exceptions. Like my DH. But he didn't ask for Nikkah!

this. no way get married to him before meeting his parents/family

This ☝️

This ☝️

There are so many unknowns here. If his family are super religious I would worry about what this could mean for my future husband. Also what about kids and how he saw my role in the relationship. Personally, as a white woman I wouldn't want to marry a man who is Muslim owing to a lot of issues in terms of how I would be expected to behave as a woman, future wife and mum.

I think I'd rather preserve my moral integrity rather than appropriate someone elses religious beliefs in order to kiss my in-laws asses.

Partners are supposed to help us become the best version of ourselves. Not encourage us to be fake.

'I love your son. But I respect myself and you, too much to pretend to share your faith. Surely if I did, your maker would consider it blasphemous, would he not? I hope to marry your son one day and so, whether you approve or not, I hope we can be civil moving forwards as I have nothing but warm feelings for you, the people who raised John to be such a wonderful human being'.

Solved it.