Thinking about breakibg up with my BF because of this

[stripypillowcase]

We are both in London but 45m to 1h a part travelling by tube - on a good day. We don’t have cars. Together nearly 1 year.

I’m a single parent of a teen with some MH issues meaning I don’t ever receive any visitors except from family sometimes. So BF never came to mine.

So the deal is that I go to him either straight to mine or after dates when we meet somewhere. Obviously sometimes we do an activity and each go to their own places but if we want to be in, I go there.

Thing is - When I go to his, I end up coming back home very late, on public transport and it is rare I get home before midnight. Because of that we see each other 1x a week which is perfectly fine for me but next day I’m always exhausted - I think the stress and hypervigilance of travelling alone late at night insidiously takes it toll on me even though I was never a victm of any incidents or violence.
But when there are delays it is tough.
Drunk people at stations and tube are super annoying too.

Another thing - in nearly 12 months we have never spent the night together. Isn’t that weird? If we spent the night together at least I would travel following day during the day.
He never asked for me to stay.
At the begining it was fine as we were getting to know each other and I wanted to come home to my teen but teen is capable to stay overnight. Nevertheless the fact that he has never asked or even expressed desire of me staying the night is bothering me.

In other areas everything is great. He is responsible and emotionally intelligent, has all the qualities of a good partner so far but now I’m thinking maybe not fully emotionally available. I also don’t think he is grasping how the travelling could be dangerous for me.

Time to let go?

But you've told him you can't stay, so why would he ask only to be disappointed and told no all the time?

Good lord, just TALK TO HIM!!!!!!!
Honestly it seems you'd rather dump a decent man than have an actual conversation with him!

But that impression is coming from a man who knows you can't / won't stay!

If I know that my girlfriend can't stay the night with me because she has to look after her daughter, then me saying "Oh I wish you didn't have to go" just creates undue pressure on my girlfriend. It's objectively a shitty thing to do.

If your circumstances have now changed and you want to stay over, it's on you to communicate that to him. He cannot read your mind.

Alternatively, if this relationship isn't working for you, then by all means end it. But if the only reason you're ending it is because "Man who knows I can't stay doesn't ask me to stay", then that's a bloody stupid reason.

He's probably started a thread on Dadsnet saying should I break over this - my DP has been coming over for 12 months and leaving at midnight and hasn't once expressed the desire to stay over or even an "I wish you didn't have to go".

I don't want to be the one to bring it up as if she really cared it really should come from her.

Yes I think you should end your relationship because you are not capable of having a basic communication expressing your needs and expectations.

You are disappointed that this man can't read your mind. And you think you can read his and you've decided it says he's the one with issues.

I definitely think you should end your relationship and look for a new man who has telepathy and a car.

Why would he talk to her about staying over when she has told him she can’t?

He sees her at his place because that’s the boundary Op put in place.

When Op told him he couldn’t come to hers and only go to his she set up the situation that they would be at his. This situation has developed entirely through the Ops design. He hasn’t enforced this. Op set the stage for their relationship. She wants a change so it’s up to her to suggest it.

Pay for an Uber once a month? Why doesn’t op pay for her own Uber once a month?

Plus she wants to be at home in her own bed.

Maybe that's true. Maybe it isn't. But if even you don't know what you want and why, what on earth makes you think that he should?

My gut would say he doesn't want to progress the relationship and he wants to keep it more like a FWB relationship, because he likes his own space.

It's a natural progression in a close relationship to want to spend the whole night together.

It's his house, he's the man, and it should definitely come from him. The other way round to me would feel very awkward as if I was begging.

How does making it clear you felt your daughter was ok to be left alone equate to begging?

Op set a boundary It’s 100% not ‘the mans’ job to change that boundary. It’s Op.