i think im pregnant and its not dp's baby :(

[imintrouble]

yep i know im a terrible person but without sounding like im making excuses i was very drunk and he gave me cocaine (never took the stuff before in my life and never will again) and cannibis. it happened 3 times in one night he didnt use anything and didnt pull out. i love my dp and this would break us as well as break his heart. feel free to shout at me i deserve it. but ive had a lot of discharge, tender breasts and headaches. same as my other 3 pregnancys.

She sounds as though she is blaming herself for it when she shouldn't be, that's what it seems like to me anyway.

If she was asleep how does she know he didn't use anything or pull out and know it happened 3 times?

He told her cousin, whose house she was at, the next day. Him and her cousin are very good friends she said.

Whatever the truth of the situation, I miagine it's probably quite hazy in memory if she was that off her face and maybe she was aware what was going on but not able to consent iyswim, who knows.

Either way you must tell DP. It may be his baby, it may not, but you must tell him. I can't understand how so many people think a relationship can continue with this kind of secret.

This thread has brought back painful memories for me but couldn't not post.

I went out one night with a few friends, was hammered drunk now I have been drunk before but I was falling down drunk had to be carried from the nightclub and put to bed. I briefly woke up to find someone on top of me apparently having or trying to have sex with me and my friend yelling at him to stop and get out which he wasn't doing apparently. To me it is all like a dream, if he walked in the room right now I wouldn't recognise him.

A few days later I found out I was pregnant. Now DH and I were trying for a baby and I had had sex with him the night before this happened, I had no visible signs of sex taking place, no bruising or semen although I did have bruising on my arms but that could have been caused by me falling.

I had a decision to make, unfortunately I took the weak way out I decided the baby probably was DH's went on to have it and luckily it looks very much like her Dad. I know I should have reported the assault to the police but I was drunk couldn't remember and I have thoughts that I was drugged too and the blokes knew we were going back to my friends and followed us. I didn't want it all dragged up and give him access to my life and ruin what should have been the happiest time of my life.

I made my choice and have buried it in my head.

I cannot give advice to you as it's your choice to make only but I hope you make the right one for you, I really feel for you x

I'm with beetroot. Be strong and take care of iton the quiet. Telling your DP now will tear your marriage apart and what about the three kids you have now. Life will not improve for them.

Consider confessing to DP at a later date. If he finds out and confronts you tell him you were raped. Okay, your choice to take drugs. But sex that you are not of sound mind to consent to is not consentual. Tell him you didn't want to burden him with the consequences of your stupid decision to take drugs.

Keeping an unwanted baby is not a kind deed, in my opinion.

By the way, I commend you for taking responsibility for your actions. But, you can't be responsible for other people's actions.

If I were you, I would go immediate to the GP and get the abortion pill. I think at this stage it just forces you to have your period and is not too traumatic.

I feel compelled to say that the op went through a couple of similar instances when she was younger, so while she is bravely shouldering the responsibility for this, I personally feel that even if she were conscious at the time she probably wouldn't have been able to move for fear.

iit I really hope you don't mind me saying what I've said BUT I feel it's important that people don't see this as you making excuses for getting a bit too tipsy and falling into bed with someone else, because the more it plays on my mind the more I think it wasn't your fault and it probably wasn't consensual at all.

I know you don't want to call it rape and it's no surprise considering what you've been through, but you are shouldering something and being made to deal with something REALLY BLOODY HARD all alone when it seems like you really shouldn't have to.

This is such a grey area I can't give advice on what you should do. Sometimes the right thing to do isn't the BEST thing to do for you. If you are getting/due to be getting help with other issues you have going on, can you speak to that professional person about this situation first? as it's more pressing.

If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. But please don't be too hard on yourself, and don't be pressured into any decision. I hope you have someone you can confide in in real life, who can give you a real hug, but for now from me.

What if the baby is her dp's as is likely as they don't use contraception?

It is just as likely to be her DP's as this other guys IMO

Whatever you decide to do, please seek counselling. Don't let guilt and regret eat you up. We all make mistakes

HEr posts don't sound like she wants to take the risk of it not eing her DP's. I wouldn't suggest termination to someone who doesn't want one or believe in it. But she has already clearly stated that is what she will do.

So I think talk of her keeping a baby that is at best 50% chance of being her DP's is only making her feel bad.

And I want to say something else. This man who took advantage of you whether you want to call it rape or not is not a nice man. And your cousin is not particularly nice either if he/she continues to associate with some who has put you through this.

You did NOT do this alone.

no shouting from me imintrouble- just so sad that you have been abused and manipulated. your judgement impaired by illicit drugs

act quickly

GP pg test STI screening counselling

Consider involving police if you feel strong enough

avoid this dreadful man

How can the OP be cruel to tell her dp?
It happened. She got pizzed off her feet, drugged, and had sex. She is now pregnant, the baby can be either her dps or her abusers. It is a fact. How can you advise OP that telling her partner the truth is cruel?

Few relationships can handle such a secret. Coming clean and telling him herself is vital before this man does. Or somebody else. How will her dp judge her if he hears it from somebody else? Will he believe that she was not consenting? Doubtful. He will most likely think her a deceiptful cheat! Her relationship is LESS likely to survive him doubting her on top of what already happened.

You are a grown up girl. Talk to your dh. Talk to the police if you want to. Maybe you can just ask their advice, and not report it to start with. AVOID this man, and your cousin for now at all costs, and DO NOT tell anybody you dont trust you are pregnant.
Being drunk does not equal consenting to sex. She did not know until her cousin told her. For all she know, this man could be bragging, maybe he tried it on, maybe he could not get it up, we dont know, she doesnt know.

I haven't got the impression that IIT has been making excuses at all. She said right at the start it was her own fault. And she wasn't the one who started the 'rape' issue. She just said she was asleep through most of it, which set off alarm bells in everyone else. I think she's been unduly harsh on herself actually, although she seems to think her DP might be too. Hope not.

when exactly did you get drunk/high and have sex?

how long ago are we talking about here?

It might not be physically possible for you pg to be by another man.

Withdrawal method is notoriously ineffective.

James do you think you could ask her when the event took place before she sees anyone?

she could well terminate unnecessarily should that be her decision.

Squack I will ask but she'll probably see this thread today and answer you herself.

iit sorry my phone was in the changingbag under the nappies all day I didn't hear it beep, I hope you're ok, I just texted you back. If you need help let me know.

thanks for that James, hope she's ok?

She has texted me and she is ok although understandably a bit in shock still. I think given the sensitive nature of the discussion I will leave her to speak (or not speak) for herself as I don't want to be a bad friend.

Oh dear,
what a horrible situation, I really can't work out the issues regarding consent from your posts, whether you wanted to sleep with the guy or were raped. he sounds like a scumbag anyway
I think if it were me I would tell my partner the truth rather than spending my life worrying every day that this would be the day he found out what had happened. If you are definate you want a termination as others have said the sooner the better so you have the option of medical abortion if you would prefer this to surgical.

How are you imintrouble? I feel very for you.

If you are sure that you don't wish to continue with the pregnancy, either see your GP ASAP or go to your nearest FPC. You can also self-refer to BPAS/Marie Stopes clinics if you have one near you. Whichever you chose, rest assured that it will be kept confidential.

Please get yourself tested for STIs too. Your dp may find out that you have been unfaithful eventually if you have picked up an infection and pass it onto him.

She texted me to say her pc has broken down from some kind of virus at the moment so she'll be offline a few days, but she's ok and deciding what to do. x