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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i think im pregnant and its not dp's baby :(

166 replies

imintrouble · 31/03/2008 17:05

yep i know im a terrible person but without sounding like im making excuses i was very drunk and he gave me cocaine (never took the stuff before in my life and never will again) and cannibis. it happened 3 times in one night he didnt use anything and didnt pull out. i love my dp and this would break us as well as break his heart. feel free to shout at me i deserve it. but ive had a lot of discharge, tender breasts and headaches. same as my other 3 pregnancys.

OP posts:

Mamazon · 31/03/2008 23:22

Its not us that need to forgive you.
Your drug use was wrong and dangerous. But no rape isn't a strong word if what you have described is what happened.

it confuses me as to why he would give you both cocain and canabis. they are two opposite drugs.
the cocain would have made you alert and is known to heighten sexual desire.
canabis is more a chill out/come down drug.

I think he gave you a tiny amount of the cocain and then took it himself. he then gave you the canibis knowing that as you had already been drinking you would fall into a deep sleep.
his own cocain use meant he was very sexually aroused (hence the 3 times)

he has preyed on your naivety of drugs. he is clearly not a beginner and knew precisely how you were likely to react to what you were given.

This man is dangerous.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 31/03/2008 23:24

It's not a strong word to use at all.

Rape isnt about being dragged off the street by a stranger.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I echo all of mamazon's excellent advice. Do you think you could speak to your DP about it at all?

ara · 31/03/2008 23:24

I would agree with all that Mamazon.

SleepIsForTheWeak · 31/03/2008 23:24

everyone does things they regret, taking drugs as a one off does not make you a bad mother.
Being drunk does impair decisions (it is not an excuse, I know).
I honestly dont think the drugs thing is a big issue, but if he had sex without you being aware of it then that is serious stuff.
Don't let your guilt about taking drugs cloud the issue here. (by the way: the "3 times" thing could just be him saying that, it may not have happened?)
SO sorry you are going through this, don't be too hard on yourself.

PotPourri · 31/03/2008 23:30

Am pretty shocked by this thread, for lots of reasons. Firstly that you managed to get into the situation, taking drugs and the like, and secondly that this guy took such blatant advantage. Do not be too hard on yourself, but equally, you need to take responsibility for what you did and take the necessary actions to sort it.

What would you do if this hadn't happened, and you were pregnant with what had to be your DPs child. If you would keep the baby, then you might be best assuming the baby is his and talking about options with him.

How likely is your cousin and his twattish friend to keep quiet about this, forever is a long time?

I think it is very likely that a DP would leave on finding out about the drugs and 3 times in one night, not withdrawing etc - espec when that is what he has to do!! BUT, as you were taken advantage of, he might just feel sorry for you and want to help you get over the ordeal of it. Only you will be able to guess the likely outcome.

Hope you get things sorted suitably...

slim22 · 01/04/2008 00:11

What Mamazon said + Get tested for STD - Without delay - !!

Take care.

nappyaddict · 01/04/2008 00:13

would you want this baby if there was a chance it was DPs? cos there is a chance it could be and i think you need to think about that too.

that because she has a family she shouldn't be going out.

madamez · 01/04/2008 00:28

I second everyone who has said, go to a clinic and get tested for everything, but I would also recommend that you speak to some kind of rape counsellor as well, because I also think you were pretty much date-raped. It doesn't matter that you drank and took drugs, no decent man would then have sex with you while you were unconscious. Was he the one who instigated all the drugtaking in the first place? Because if so he is a real predator.

littlewoman · 01/04/2008 02:21

I was date raped. It took me a while to work out that it wasn't actually my fault (about a day and a half). After that, I went to the doctor and got the morning after pill, and went to the STD clinic. I actually told my doctor the name of the man who did it. I didn't want to go to the police because it is such an insidious 'crime' that you actually feel as though you are making a fuss over your own stupidity (I did anyway), but I wanted it registered somewhere that he had done that to me. Here you are feeling very guilty - okay, the drugs were a mistake, but the sex was not your fault. Not trying to hijack your thread, I'm just saying I empathise with you, and I hope you will be okay.

Mumcentreplus · 01/04/2008 02:57

I'm really struggling with the forced drug taking part of this...coke is snorted...(you have to do it yourself)...weed is smoked you have to inhale...I'm not saying you weren't encouraged ...but damn...I'm not completely convinced of your totaly innocence...and I'm being honest..

slim22 · 01/04/2008 06:29

Well that does not help one bit does it?

3NAB · 01/04/2008 08:15

If you believe you were assaulted then you have to go to the police and tell your husband. If you don't feel you can do that then you need to have a big think about what you can remember about the evening. Making out you were raped as an excuse for drug taking and being unfaithful is an awful thing to do - I am not saying that is what you are doing but you started this thread with no mention of being asleep while the sex was taking place.

Whatever, you need to sort this out today and go and get a test done and then the Morning after pill. While you could be stopping the development of your partners baby that might be a better price than a termination and there is no guarantee you will be pregnant with anyones baby until you do a test.

funlovingcriminal · 01/04/2008 08:57

umm..this girl has come here for advice.

she knows very well what she's done is wrong.

she doesn't need to be told what's right and wrong here.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 01/04/2008 09:53

Imintrouble, do I know you? If you are who I think you might be, you can email/text me to talk if you want. So sorry this has happened to you, I really, really hope you're ok!

Youcannotbeserious · 01/04/2008 10:15

imintrouble........

I don't have any advice, I'm afraid.

I hope that you are able to get this over with quickly. Please put your own wellbeing first and fo not get caught up with others. If an abortion is right for you, then do not feel you need to add to your guilt because of that. It's not a decision I believe any woman takes lightly.

Is your DP the father of your DC? If so, I think you have to talk to him. If you have been with him for a long period of time, then it's likely he knows that this was totally out of character for you.

You know you made a mistake, but you did not go out to have sex 3 times (if indeed you did do it 3 times)...... Regardless of what you want to do about involving the police, the man has to take a degree of responsibility.

Anyway, I just hope you get things sorted.

YCBS x

Original poster

imintrouble · 01/04/2008 10:52

im sorry im not making myself clear i did take the drugs at my own will and dont think i was raped i started this thred as im worried about being pregnant thats it along with feeling guilty about cheating on dp i have never instigated that ive been raped or that im innocent in this im just worried about being pregnant with someone elses baby.

OP posts:

Original poster

imintrouble · 01/04/2008 10:56

james-theres no getting past you hope you dont think any differently of me. i know its shocking of me....

OP posts:

Original poster

imintrouble · 01/04/2008 11:06

if i am pregnant i will get rid of the baby and tell dp that i cheated on him and took drugs as i know thats what i done and im not trying to make out that im innocent in this. i know im not. i got carried away and have felt guilty about it ever since so please stop saying that im not taking responsability for my actions because really i am. if were going to start pointing the finger i would point it to myself first as im the one with the family out taking drugs and sleeping with a random stranger.

OP posts:

ara · 01/04/2008 11:12

i think everyone got worried when you posted that you had been asleep for most of the sex - it does sound pretty dubious whether you willingly took the drugs or not....

i really feel for you, you must feel very anxious.

fwiw i don't think you should be shouldering all the responsibility -from what you have posted it sounds to me as though this guy has behaved pretty predatory as mamazon posted earlier.

ara · 01/04/2008 11:13

has been pretty predatory, rather

Youcannotbeserious · 01/04/2008 11:23

Agree with Ara...

You are taking responsibility and I really hope that your DP is able to see that this is a one off that you feel really bad about and won't happen again..

Just that you shouldn't shoulder ALL the blame....

I hope you are OK.... I'm assuming that you either think or know you are PG?

ScoobyDoo · 01/04/2008 11:25

Before you go into this whole situation, why don't you find out first if you are pregnant instead of doing guess work, it will help you & you can also move things along the way you want them to go alot quicker instead of lingering on IYKWIM?

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 01/04/2008 11:26

imintrouble you poor thing, I can't believe this has happened to you after everything that's happened in your past too. To anyone else reading, don't judge too harshly, this lady has been through a lot.

Of course I don't think badly of you! I'm your friend you didn't mean for it to happen. You're a great mother, but you're also young and god knows we all want to get smashed out of our brains and forget about our day now and then, and you've had such a hard time lately, I'm not surprised you wanted to feel as un-motherlike as possible for one night only (if that makes sense)

Personally I think you're taking on too much responsibility for this. If you were out of it, he shouldn't have slept with you. I know you don't want a fuss but personally I think he did take advantage of you. It's a decision you need to make for yourself but don't feel too guilty, love, I don't believe for a second it was all your fault or that you invited it to happen. But anyway, enough of that part of it.

Have you done a test yet? If not you need to do one asap as you might not be pregnant at all, and this situation won't be as bad as you first thought. Try to do one today if possible, I know it'll be hard but text me if I can be of any help, if only a virtual hand to hold.

Again, so sorry this has happened, you really really didn't deserve this.

morningpaper · 01/04/2008 11:30

Have you been tested yet? I don't know if anyone's mentioned this, but the discharge could be an infection, the headaches could be stress and the sore breasts might just be tender because you are pre-menstrual. Are you actually late? Have you tested yet?

Original poster

imintrouble · 01/04/2008 11:35

yeh ill get a test today think im putting it off because im affraid of the outcome. i was so bloody stupid.

OP posts:

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