Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

i think im pregnant and its not dp's baby :(

166 replies

imintrouble · 31/03/2008 17:05

yep i know im a terrible person but without sounding like im making excuses i was very drunk and he gave me cocaine (never took the stuff before in my life and never will again) and cannibis. it happened 3 times in one night he didnt use anything and didnt pull out. i love my dp and this would break us as well as break his heart. feel free to shout at me i deserve it. but ive had a lot of discharge, tender breasts and headaches. same as my other 3 pregnancys.

OP posts:

ara · 31/03/2008 22:46

-if you were actually asleep for most of it then that doesn't equal consensual sex in my opinion.

BetteNoir · 31/03/2008 22:47

"the reason i even know about it is because he told my cousin the next day who he is very good friends with"

That's appalling.
Did you consent to sex with this man?

MissPaulaYates · 31/03/2008 22:50

cant you BUY the M AP now otc?

ara · 31/03/2008 22:50

If somebody has sex with you while you are asleep surely they are assaulting you??

Mamazon · 31/03/2008 22:51

are you saying that he had sex with you without you knowing?

if so that is rape. not being able to say no doesn't mean you say yes.

though, unless he forced the coke up your nose and the spliff in your mouth you really must take some responsibility.

either way, this is a side issue.

take a test to confirm. there is little point worrying over something and nothing

Alexa808 · 31/03/2008 22:51

taking coke and being asleep?

how many people know about this?

is that guy in your circle of friends IIT? If yes, then you can kiss your relationship goodbye.

Mamazon · 31/03/2008 22:51

and yes i do mean RAPE.
in legal terms not just moral.

ara · 31/03/2008 22:52

mamazon, i don't know that the drugs make a difference - if the op was asleep for most of it, the guy raped her...i think this applies even if she didn't object to begin with

ara · 31/03/2008 22:53

sorry - xposts, i agree

Piffle · 31/03/2008 22:57

not objecting does not imply consent, so yes, but also in CPS terms, being so drunk you canont remember also means you cannot remember consent, he says she say, Tis vicious system
But OP states she does not want this child, regardless if she is pregnant then she needs to see a medical person sharpish
Pretty hard to go through a termination on your own if living with a partner.
Also if your family knows, then sooner or later your dp will find out.
Good luck

Mamazon · 31/03/2008 22:57

no sorry, what i mean is that asleep through tiredness or drug use is irrelevant. it is still rape unless you were able to consent.

what i meant about the responsibility is the fact that OP went out, got drunk with a man, used drugs with him...i don't imagine she thought they wouod be playing chess that night.

BibiThree · 31/03/2008 22:58

There are lots of people on here who will tell you they've had children with a partner who pulls out - always possible!

sorry to hear your predicament, but do keep up informed and come back here for support/advice.

ara · 31/03/2008 23:02

yes, sorry, i see what you're saying. although wasn't he part of a group of people she was with?

not my cup of tea, but i can see that people get carried away etc..

if i was in the op's shoes i'm afraid i would tell dp (it sounds as though the news will reach him at some point as the guy couldn't keep his mouth shut beyond the following morning) and try and explain. she has said she wasn't having wild sex with him as she was asleep for most of it - i find that really really worrying and i would feel pretty violated i think.

Mamazon · 31/03/2008 23:03

You have 3 options as far as i can see it (assuming you are pg).

you visit the family planning clinic and organise a termination. you lie to your Dp again. you say your going shopping for the day/visiting someone/have a hospital appointment for something else.
get the termination and then pray so hard your arse turns blue, that whoever knows keeps their mouths shut.
you tell your partner your pregnant. withdrawla is probably one of the least effective methods of contraception going. you discuss your options with him, him obviously assuming it is his.
you tell your partner the truth. you went out and took drugs. you were taken advantage of because you were in no fit state to deny sex.
you beg him to forgive your idiocy and hope he doesn't A) leave you for teh drug use let alone the sex. B) go round and beats hell of of this other guy for raping his GF

Alexa808 · 31/03/2008 23:07

I thought they had sex 3 times. Being asleep on coke is something I've never heard of, but then again, mixed with drink and cannabis...

If she was unconscious or not in control of herself, then yes I'd classify this as sexual assault.

ara · 31/03/2008 23:08

Succinctly put Mamazon - I suppose it all depends on whether the op thinks this person will keep quiet about it or not.....

i wouldn't find the fact that he told her cousin very encouraging -particularly given that he recounted the number of times -sounds more like boasting than confiding.

Mamazon · 31/03/2008 23:08

coke may have been a small amount and low grade. the alcohol and canniabis probably canceled out the coke.

Mamazon · 31/03/2008 23:10

yes - he does sound like a lovely gent doesn't he ara.

Alexa808 · 31/03/2008 23:11

Mamazon is right.

Original poster

imintrouble · 31/03/2008 23:14

i had been awake for a number of hours before going to sleep. i think rape is a strong word to use. i am taking full responsibility for my actions i know i shouldnt have taken drugs being that im a mother of 3 and a good mother at that and i just let myself down. i dont know what else to say but that i wish i could just turn back the clock and ive been feeling so crap ever since. can you unserstand that it really was a one off and i am completely against drugs. i will get a termination and checked thanks for your messages x

OP posts:

BBBee · 31/03/2008 23:19

what mamazon said.

FWIW from what you said I think you were raped

ara · 31/03/2008 23:20

Another thing - is the op sure about the drugs she took/was given?

I was given a spiked drink a number of years ago and after going to bed woke up in the morning with bizarre flashbacks (as though I had been dreaming or deeply asleep) of this guy climbing on top of me -luckily my (quite feisty) sister was in the room and i remember saying her name over and over again for help and then her shouting f**k off repeatedly... Her memories were pretty patchy too but from what we could piece together we basically somehow kicked the guys ass out of our room and don't think he did what he was obviously planning.

He was the barman at our hotel when we were on holiday in Greece years ago and the holiday rep didn't believe us because he had a wife and young child . Looking back on it now he nust have drugged us but we just didn't realise this at the time or have enough guts to force the issue.

BBBee · 31/03/2008 23:20

rape is a strong word but i think you are taking too much responsibility for this and for your own mental health you should dtalk to someoen in RL about it.

controlfreakyagain · 31/03/2008 23:21

why oh why didnt you get the morning after pill from a chemist and spare yourself all this additional grief (on top of the drugs / infidelity / risk of std's.
if you have caught a sexually transmitted disease from this bloke and you and dp use withdrawal as contraception you will likely infect dp too. then you may have some explaining to do whatever happens about the pregnancy....
hope you get some help.

ara · 31/03/2008 23:21

you poor thing -hope you have someone in rl you can depend on to confide in.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread