Deleted wassap

[Sleepless865]

Help needed. I'm sure my DH is up to something and I need proof.
I can see he's on wassap constantly when I'm at the office, like every 10 minutes.
Every he comes back I can see him in the car on his phone before he comes in so he's probably deleted messages because when I check his phone there's nothing from those times, if they are deleted then there's no getting then back right?

Thing is , wouldn't he be making it a bit obvious if he is talking to someone he shouldn't be so often and leaving his last seen on for you to see ?

You can put WhatsApp on an iPad so you could see in real time what and who he is talking to. If you get his phone and go to settings and linked devices. Then click link device and it will give you a QR code to put on the iPad. I caught an ex out this way. I couldn’t believe actually watching him type things to OW and her type back. I screenshotted it all on the iPad because he obviously deleted it all.

We don't have an iPad...

Wassap?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP your best bet is to get into his phone when he least expects it. Does he ever leave his phone around? Does he take it into the loo with him?

My ex husband started with lots of suspicious behaviour including working away more, trying to look better & being very secretive with his phone. I was sure messages were being deleted but it was hard to prove it. I found proof of an affair from bank statements which he left out eg transactions for restaurants, hotels & cinema that I didn’t know about.
I hope that there is an innocent explanation for your sake but in my experience you should trust your judgement. I was completely correct in my suspicions including who it was. We are now quite a few years down the line and he’s still with her. In hindsight I am best rid of him as he’s a nightmare (and is rude to her in front of me & our kids exactly as he was with me). There was a lot of hurdles to get through though & I’m still damaged by all the lies and sneaking around. Good luck with your quest and big hugs.

No never the loo!

Keep us posted…

Not to the loo? Then that's when you grab it. Do not give any suspicions away!!

I’d be expecting him to keep his phone with him all the time if he was expecting messages from an OW. Maybe that’s a positive sign. It could be that they know they can only message at certain times.
I definitely think you are right to not let on you have suspicions. My ex denied everything but I already knew and had proof. He continued to deny certain elements for months whilst we were trying to make it work. They only came out when I decided it was time to find out the truth and got in touch with the OW.

Hope you’re ok OP,

Make sure they aren't hidden in his "locked chats" this is a new feature. Sorry if it's already been mentioned.

I am starting to think that is is actually happening in your mind only. You can only check so many things, and if nothing untoward has surfaced then you need to reconsider what is going on.

So I've established a few things thanks to some helpful people on here.

1. You can't see deleted messages in WhatsApp (yes I know I spelt it wrong!!)
2. He has no archived messages
3. In order to see this in detail I need to obtain a QR code and use a laptop - not sure if I can do this.
4. I have no concerns about the top 3 people he messages.

I think right now, I just bide my time in case he slips up, if there's nothing to see I have no evidence. Maybe there is none, maybe I'm paranoid?
I thank you all for your helpful messages so far, I will post further if and when I find something tangible.

OP I'm logged into my WhatsApp on my laptop and mobile so can view all messages on both devices. I never receive a notification on my phone if I'm using it via my laptop.

Just download WhatsApp. Go on his phone, use the QR code then you'll have access to his WhatsApp.

I havent read all the replies so sorry if this has been said, you can mark messages as unread by selecting the chat then the three dots in the top right

I’m very sorry you are going through this OP. Not to sound harsh here but there is everything to suggest he’s cheating and planning to leave you, so I’m not 100% sure any “proof” you find is going to make you feel any better. I think you should be spending your time getting documents together, finding a solicitor and mentally preparing yourself for your marriage to end, not obsessing over “evidence” that makes zero difference in a no-fault divorce anyway.
When I get up in the morning the sun is there. I do not need to stay up all night to watch the sunrise to convince myself that the sun has risen. It’s clear before my eyes. You are in this situation. It’s clear before your eyes what’s happening. You do not need to read messages you can never unread to know the truth.
To find out who the OW is you just need to wait and see who he has “suddenly” started dating soon after moving out.
When he comes to tell you he’s leaving- at which point he’ll admit there’s someone else, or continue to pretend there’s not and you’ve just been a terrible wife forever (see the script for full details)- you don’t scream at him, you don’t beg him not to leave you, you don’t throw any accusations at him. You just say that you couldn’t agree more that the marriage is over, and you are so pleased you’re on the same page to make this whole thing easier. Then present him with a separation agreement that you’ll have pre-drafted with your solicitor specifying details of contact with children and maintenance payments etc.

He won’t expect this. He can even try to feebly get angry, but ultimately he’s got what he wanted so he’ll look stupid to make a fuss, especially when you are being so practical about it all. So he’s got what he wanted, but on YOUR terms, not his. That’s how you take back your control here.

I think if anyone posted saying they'd found out that their partner had been doing what you were doing literally everyone would be telling the person to get out of the relationship right now as it's abusive.

I think some posters who are trying to be helpful are missing the point that they could be helping someone to orchestrate abuse on their partner, to affectively control / trap their partner, none of us know what the OP is saying about the rest of their relationship is correct.

You can hide locked chats even from this list.

You seem to have a lot of access to his phone - wouldn't he make sure he didn't leave it lying about if he was cheating? Or are you waiting till he's asleep/showering?

My ex archived the messages so they never showed as a new notification when the woman messaged him. He then deleted them.

Put the phone I’m on airplane mode first. Then You won’t call or message anyone accidentally.

but honestly if you’re this suspicious, just leave. As your gut is telling you something is up and the trust is completely gone.

The fact there's nothing dodgy in his 3 most contacted is a good sign. Obviously he could still be contacting someone but it doesn't add up with how regularly you see him online......weird!!

If you're able to get his phone and read messages you can log in to his WhatsApp on the computer.

Go to WhatsApp on the computer. It'll show a qr code to link a phone to
Open WhatsApp on his phone
In phone WhatsApp, click Top right 3 dots
Click 'linked devices'
Click 'link a device'
Click 'okay'
Now you'll see the phone WhatsApp has a camera. Point the camera at the qr code on the computer WhatsApp page.
Bingo

I use WhatsApp on a variety of computers and never had a notification, even if you did...you're right there on his phone to dismiss any notification.

This and doesn't even take it to the loo apparently