OLFD (On-line fucking dating)

[niadainud]

Trying to forget about the guy who I really like and who I think likes me but who can't seem to commit to so much as a phone call, so am trying on-line dating - but my god it's hard work.

First weeding out all the ones you don't find attractive or who aren't remotely compatible and then seeing how they negotiate the first date (which I always think of as "Date Zero").

I'm suggesting meeting halfway between where we both live, but he's lobbying for me to travel to him (central London), saying he'll buy me cocktails. Red flag? I don't even know any more what is and what isn't.

Seems nice otherwise. Hasn't tried to turn the conversation sexual or mentioned going back to his.

Any thoughts?

Well I have tentatively and without much enthusiasm given him another chance and I am very surprised to say he has come up trumps so far.

Without any objection he has agreed to meet early evening (my preference) in Zone 2 (my preference) not near where either of us lives.

I'm still a bit sceptical, but I guess there's not much to lose in having one or two drinks.

Excellent. Have fun op!

I hear you. Horrible minefield. I'm single after 24 years married. I'm told I'm not too shabby, so attempting to date men in their 50's. Been on awful dates with no follow-ups including: severe alcoholic who shook violently and told me not to talk about anything personal, man who's pics were 25 years old, it was like meeting his elderly father, another with OCD who turned up for our walk in white suede trainers then couldn't move because of 'the mud'. Then there was the guy who hated his ex so much he couldn't talk about anything else (I should have left sooner), another who actually asked me what I did (wow an actual question), he listened for 15 secs then interrupted to tell me about how he'd just installed his own bathroom complete with lots of photographic evidence of drain-channels dug etc for many loooong minutes until he had to leave - yada yada.

I also enquired about a matching service hoping an alternative approach would work, fine if you've got a spare £10k (I kid you not)!

Now hoping to meet IRL; perhaps a man will accost me on the street declaring his admiration and asking if I'd like to pop to cafe for coffee. We'd enjoy shared conversation and ask each other questions and listen to the each witty observations and truthful admissions. He'd be funny and kind. We'd laugh a lot and then he'd actually ring me - lol.

Sh!tshow.

We don't need "lots to do". We need somewhere to have a quiet drink or two to see whether there's any chemistry. I don't want to do all the travelling (90 mins round trip) to meet someone I might not have any chemistry with.

If we have a first proper date at the weekend then perhaps somewhere central makes sense.

This thread exemplifies overthinking. He wants you to travel so he can meet you promptly after finishing work, rather than traveling halfway after finishing late.

I'm not surprised some mumsnetters struggle to date, you all make it all so hard for yourselves.

So, for his convenience? But then she has to then do the whole journey back home later on. If they split it, it's only 20-30 mins so not a huge amount of travel time after work. It was genuinely not worth quibbling over from his side and would have shown quite a bit of consideration.

Yeah, it's easy enough to be accommodating all the time when dating but it doesn't exactly help discern the good uns who are looking for a genuine relationship.

There is no benefit in creating hypothetical situations in one's mind. The best approach to determine compatibility is to go on dates and not let any preconceived notions create obstacles. It seems like the person who posted this is merely using this guy as a means to distract themselves from the one they actually like.

Live update: I am on the date. He seems lovely. He is not at all pushy or creepy. No sex talk at all, lots of interesting intelligent chat.

I'm not sure whether I'm really into him, but I'm having a very nice time and he seems to think I'm great.

Subscribing to this live Tweet 😆

Ooh - what a nice update! I must admit to feeling slightly vindicated (I had him pegged as a Lpndonista rather than a creep). So glad you’re having a good time - let us know the verdict when you’ve had time to mull it over!

Excellent news!

If if goes well give him another shot for date 2? I wasn't sure about my last first date but I went for a second and we're almost five months in now...

Still not sure how I feel - it was a bit intense - but not pushy at the end of the date. Wants to see me tomorrow afternoon but is busy Saturday and Sunday evenings. Otherwise probably another weekday date next week.

He's quite... narrow, which is my main reservation at the moment.

Narrow…minded?

No, literally narrow. Physically. I think his waist is smaller than mine, and I'm a size 8.

Dud you kiss? Usually find that helps decide it one way or another.

Yes, we did.

It sounds like a lovely date actually, I’m pleased for you - have just read the whole thread.
I have to say, my DP is slim-and-strong and whilst occasionally I feel like an elephant he’s very attractive to me and he always makes me feel beautiful.
Are you going to have another date do you think?

He had a lot of good qualities so I think I'd be daft not to at least go on one more date.

He asked if he could kiss me first and we only had one drink each (although we both took ages drinking it) so he clearly wasn't trying to get me drunk.

He also waited with me for my tube.

@niadainud it just goes to show, being cautious is sensible but life can sparkle when also being open to possibilities.

(The sensible Mum-of-adult-daughters in me was shaking my head whilst reading at first, but he actually sounds mannerly.)

This is a good update OP , I am pleased to hear it went well.

Decent guys on online dating are few and far between (IME anyway) It sounds like he has some good qualities , try not to be too shallow and focus on the narrow waist, can you look past that? You are a size 8 so you will never look "big" next to him. If I was you I'd go for a second date.

Oh and by the way, my partner was a 32" waist when we met about 9 years ago (through OLD) and as he's so tall he looked very slim build. A few years later he's a 36" waist now and I much prefer how he is now. He may well bulk up if this progresses into a relationship haha .

good for you OP

On my way to Date One. He's made himself available this afternoon as I said I didn't want to be out late tonight (working tomorrow).

Terrified about every possible eventuality, including the ostensibly positive ones.

Oh that's exciting! Where are you going? Two dates within 24 hours can't be bad!

try not to be too shallow and focus on the narrow waist, can you look past that?

Made me howl, imagining the date turning up corseted and crinolined 😆

Any update after the second date?