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Original poster

OLFD (On-line fucking dating)

164 replies

niadainud · 16/04/2024 22:24

Trying to forget about the guy who I really like and who I think likes me but who can't seem to commit to so much as a phone call, so am trying on-line dating - but my god it's hard work.

First weeding out all the ones you don't find attractive or who aren't remotely compatible and then seeing how they negotiate the first date (which I always think of as "Date Zero").

I'm suggesting meeting halfway between where we both live, but he's lobbying for me to travel to him (central London), saying he'll buy me cocktails. Red flag? I don't even know any more what is and what isn't.

Seems nice otherwise. Hasn't tried to turn the conversation sexual or mentioned going back to his.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 17/04/2024 16:19

niadainud · 17/04/2024 15:53

Also I told him I was staying with family until tomorrow evening but nevertheless he has tried phoning me twice and has sent me question marks today because I haven't replied to his message from this morning which I find a bit pushy.

Come on!
Please tell us you are sacking this off. It’s all so rude!! At best.

Block and move on.

RoachFish · 17/04/2024 16:41

niadainud · 17/04/2024 15:53

Also I told him I was staying with family until tomorrow evening but nevertheless he has tried phoning me twice and has sent me question marks today because I haven't replied to his message from this morning which I find a bit pushy.

Oh wow, that is pushy. I take it back, don't go into London and meet up with him. He is not a respectful person.

SamW98 · 17/04/2024 16:44

He sent you question marks when you did t reply? That’s the sort of thing teenagers do not grown men.

Nah he’s showing he’s a self centred arse before you’ve even started - chuck this one back.

ToastforTea · 17/04/2024 16:49

niadainud · 17/04/2024 15:53

Also I told him I was staying with family until tomorrow evening but nevertheless he has tried phoning me twice and has sent me question marks today because I haven't replied to his message from this morning which I find a bit pushy.

He sounds a bit rude so don't bother with him!

I reckon he is trying to confirm if you are going on this date & perhaps has backup plans if you don't

but he could have just texted 'Hi, how are you, are we still on for Thu' or similar.

As he can't communicate in a way you find appropriate, don't bother with him!!

WinterWhine · 17/04/2024 17:43

Hmmm...is he a doctor or City worker or banker or similar? Attractive profile?

(good job, arrogant and bad at communicating, but knows he can still attract women with his good job so why bother compromising?).

Agree I'd drop him. Manners maketh the man and ignoring first instincts never works.

If he was genuinely managing a "nice day out explore London" style date then fair enough but he's telling you he wants something super-convenient to him already ... And yes, drinks near his are pretty much a first step to a hook-up/sex set up.

I agree the first physical meet should be low investment for both. But then why not a coffee shop or bar halfway? Rather than near his?

FakeMiddleton · 17/04/2024 18:40

I'm over-invested in this now.

OP, please can you just go on the date? As a social experiment and report back?!

EarthSight · 17/04/2024 18:49

he's lobbying for me to travel to him (central London), saying he'll buy me cocktails. Red flag

Couldn't be bothered with that.

He wants the convenience of easily ordering sex as well as cocktails.

EarthSight · 17/04/2024 18:51

niadainud · 16/04/2024 23:26

Yes, like this one: 😣. I said I'd rather meet halfway and got 😣 as a response.

To be fair about the choice of day, I only get back from being away tomorrow and he didn't want to wait until the weekend.

Please please reply back and ask him if he wants a 🍭 to cheer him up (given that he behaves like a small child).

HaggisBurger · 17/04/2024 19:19

Is the OP currently on her way to zone 1?!? Update us if you do go @niadainud ….

Original poster
niadainud · 17/04/2024 19:44

HaggisBurger · 17/04/2024 19:19

Is the OP currently on her way to zone 1?!? Update us if you do go @niadainud ….

No, because apart from anything else it's not Thursday yet!

OP posts:
Original poster
niadainud · 17/04/2024 19:46

FakeMiddleton · 17/04/2024 18:40

I'm over-invested in this now.

OP, please can you just go on the date? As a social experiment and report back?!

Haha! I think you're more invested than I am...

OP posts:
Original poster
niadainud · 17/04/2024 19:51

EarthSight · 17/04/2024 18:51

Please please reply back and ask him if he wants a 🍭 to cheer him up (given that he behaves like a small child).

Show quote history

Well I did reply and said I also felt pained about the idea of traveling back from Zone one late on a weekday evening.

So he has responded, "I'll meet close to yours."

I might be a cynic and he might be trying to make an effort now, but my suspicion is that this is Plan B to get his leg over, otherwise why not accept my suggestion of meeting halfway?

I can think of at least four occasions when men have taken it upon themselves to travel to near where I live uninvited, wanted to come back to my flat and not willingly taken no for an answer.

OP posts:
Scrunshine · 17/04/2024 19:51

The desire to meet quickly, suggesting cocktails, wanting you to go to him- he wants to get you back to his for a shag.

Elieza · 17/04/2024 19:52

Just be careful.

He obviously wants to stay close to home (ie his bed) so he might try it on somewhere dark or quiet.

Dont get too drunk. Watch he doesn't spike your drink to 'help you' home to his pad.

I don't like the sound of any of this tbh.

Scrunshine · 17/04/2024 19:55

niadainud · 17/04/2024 19:51

Well I did reply and said I also felt pained about the idea of traveling back from Zone one late on a weekday evening.

So he has responded, "I'll meet close to yours."

I might be a cynic and he might be trying to make an effort now, but my suspicion is that this is Plan B to get his leg over, otherwise why not accept my suggestion of meeting halfway?

I can think of at least four occasions when men have taken it upon themselves to travel to near where I live uninvited, wanted to come back to my flat and not willingly taken no for an answer.

Show quote history

OP hearing that this kind of behaviour has happened to you before is worrying. I did a lot of online dating and would run a mile at the first sniff of this kind of pushy behaviour- yet you seem to be up for giving him a chance. Why? Red flags before you have even met! Run!

WinterWhine · 17/04/2024 20:24

Scrunshine · 17/04/2024 19:55

OP hearing that this kind of behaviour has happened to you before is worrying. I did a lot of online dating and would run a mile at the first sniff of this kind of pushy behaviour- yet you seem to be up for giving him a chance. Why? Red flags before you have even met! Run!

Show quote history

Generally a big fan of organising a meet sooner rather than later, but agree this guy is red flag central.

Like pp says he doesn't sound keen because he's a romantic who sees OP as a high value woman to be won over so they can have a relationship. You shouldn't have to argue someone into being considerate.

he's acting like a used car salesman trying to confuse matters and change the goalposts so he eventually wears OP down.

"Can't wait till the weekend" sounds like he ring fences the weekend for himself and his actual social circle and women he values.

I don't even live in London.

It would take me about 5 minutes to find a decent civilised evening venue that was half way.

A lot of guys on online dating (especially if they have good jobs and high incomes) have an absolutely arrogant, "sex is expected as first test, she may eventually win me over if I feel like it" vibe.

Summerhillsquare · 17/04/2024 20:32

Christ on a bike, the game playing advocated on this thread. Oh no, 35 minutes, the horror 😱

EarthSight · 17/04/2024 20:34

niadainud · 17/04/2024 19:51

Well I did reply and said I also felt pained about the idea of traveling back from Zone one late on a weekday evening.

So he has responded, "I'll meet close to yours."

I might be a cynic and he might be trying to make an effort now, but my suspicion is that this is Plan B to get his leg over, otherwise why not accept my suggestion of meeting halfway?

I can think of at least four occasions when men have taken it upon themselves to travel to near where I live uninvited, wanted to come back to my flat and not willingly taken no for an answer.

Show quote history

Fuck it. I think you'll probably have a nicer time doing what you usually enjoy doing. It's not great that you've felt compelled to do a post on him before you've even met.

Original poster
niadainud · 17/04/2024 20:36

EarthSight · 17/04/2024 20:34

Fuck it. I think you'll probably have a nicer time doing what you usually enjoy doing. It's not great that you've felt compelled to do a post on him before you've even met.

Show quote history

No, you're absolutely right. And now he's called me again, even though he knows I've just got back this evening from being away. It doesn't feel keen, it just feels a bit like I'm being hounded now.

OP posts:
BigAnne · 17/04/2024 20:37

niadainud · 17/04/2024 19:51

Well I did reply and said I also felt pained about the idea of traveling back from Zone one late on a weekday evening.

So he has responded, "I'll meet close to yours."

I might be a cynic and he might be trying to make an effort now, but my suspicion is that this is Plan B to get his leg over, otherwise why not accept my suggestion of meeting halfway?

I can think of at least four occasions when men have taken it upon themselves to travel to near where I live uninvited, wanted to come back to my flat and not willingly taken no for an answer.

Show quote history

Be careful

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/04/2024 20:41

Really dodgy.

EarthSight · 17/04/2024 20:41

Tell him you're no longer interested, and the block him on everything.

HaggisBurger · 17/04/2024 21:00

niadainud · 17/04/2024 19:44

No, because apart from anything else it's not Thursday yet!

Show quote history

My bad! Doh!

Shitlord · 17/04/2024 22:18

Honestly he's a non starter. If he was serious he would be happy to meet you in Brixton or Hammersmith or wherever is halfway. There are nice bars in every London neighbourhood that I know. It doesn't have to be spectacular.

If it was about finding love he would listen to the fact you're comfortable meeting half way and just go with that for the sake of one date. I hear what PP is saying about scouting out central venues on your train/tube line when meeting those from other parts of London but on this occasion you'd already specified meeting halfway and it really wasn't a big deal.

He wouldn't be ringing you nonstop when you've said you're busy and are not answering because he would care about not bothering you or looking desperate. As it stands he isn't listening to you at all.

He is being pushy looking for sex, whatever his profile says. Don't waste your time on a shagger just because his profile probably makes him Iook like a great prospect.

danitheastrologer · 17/04/2024 22:21

Central London makes sense - easy for everyone to get there. Easy for everyone to get home. Lots to do. I don't see what the issue is?