When you carry trauma how do you deal with those around you who don’t understand you?

[Rainbow03]

I carry trauma from my childhood through to a very abusive marriage. I’ve been free for about 5 years. I’ve triggers that I do my best to avoid. I don’t see the world like those around me who don’t carry trauma. How do you deal with people and comments from say family who simply can’t comprehend how you feel?

For an example a family member sort of belittles me when I jump at certain sounds. I can’t help it or stop it. He will continually say you’re jumpy aren’t you, what’s wrong with you? There is no point in explaining as they won’t understand and I don’t really want to talk about what I’ve suffered. I also for example need straight talking and information about things I’m going to do. Probably more so than others but I don’t feel safe until I’m happy what’s going on. Again people just judge me.

How do you deal with people who can’t understand. I mean no one would understand if they haven’t experienced it.

Part of a good life is self-management & self-understanding as well as being kind to other people. You’re not someone else’s entire responsibility, just as their needs aren’t yours.

Ptsd wears off, so start looking for things you might enjoy and make time to do them.

It’s fine to avoid people you don’t like. It’s more than fine to avoid unkind or stupid people, family or not.

In terms of disability, be careful
what you wish for. Ptsd isn’t permanent, luckily.

Don't think you understood the OP?

OP wasn't asking how to make them understand, she asked How do you deal with people who can’t understand

It's not up to the world to change to fit your needs; it's up to you to find a world that meets your needs.

PTSD is a mental health condition qualifying as a disability under the Equality Act 2010. The social model of disability underpinning the Act says that disabled people are mainly disabled by barriers in society rather than solely by their impairment or difference. Barriers can be physical or they can be caused by people's attitudes to difference. So your statement above is by definition exclusive, and the exact opposite of how any disability should be viewed by society.

I think acceptance is really important, they are not going to understand you and that’s ok. However, the issue here seems to be family members picking on you, so I would ask them to stop without any expectation that they will understand your trauma, simply say ‘yeah I am jumpy, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t keep mentioning it’, ‘yeah I do overpack but that’s just the way I am’.

Actually many elements of PTSD can be permanent, especially if left untreated, or if they are unresponsive to treatment. They manifest as mental health problems which can worsen over time with increased anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation. It depends on the individual and the level/type of trauma experienced.

Hi, thanks for all your replies. I have autism and apparently c-pfsd. It’s not something that will wear off, I will be autistic forever. The other has definitely got much better over the years. For me what triggers me is being brushed off and not understood. I don’t understand a lot of social situations. But I do know when people are being accommodating and when people are looking at me like god what’s wrong with this one. I do need accommodating at work and they are good to me. I think sometimes I’m my worst enemy because I mask so well I look like I’m lying. But I’ve had 40 years of making not knowing I was actually autistic.

Sorry c-ptsd

Yup - war and hostage trauma leave scars, but I don’t think OP’s posting from Gaza.

Most ptsd resolves. OP hasn’t got treatment-resistant ptsd, she’s only just been doing diagnosed.

Don’t up the drama with claims to victimhood that are in questionable taste.

You posted incorrect information about PTSD. And your assumption that all disabled people are capable of their own ‘responsibility and life management’ is ill informed. If that were the case, we wouldn’t need an Equality Act or disability support services would we ?

I think the questionable taste here is the terminology you are choosing to use to discuss disability.

@Rosscameasdoody Good morning to you Goady Gertie! 🙂

@Supersimkin2 ive been diagnosed very recently with autism. I was diagnosed with the c-ptsd about 4.5 years ago. It’s exactly like being in a war zone. I think maybe you don’t know what abuse is like on a person.

It’s taken me a long time to accept it was abuse. I thought me being me and being different I made him treat me badly because I was so hard to live with. I let him hurt me. I now know that was wrong but it’s led me to have a nervous breakdown when I left those years ago. I was a mess when I left. It’s taken a long time to feel safe again. I think the autism has made this more challenging to learn I deserve to be treated better.

Not goady at all. Just calling out what l see as an ill informed and patronising attitude to disability. Your comment about the OP not posting from Gaza illustrates this perfectly. Can we stop derailing the thread now ?

I’m much too ill informed and patronising to comment.

Besides, I’m due to work with newly arrived refugees in an hour.

I get strong vibes that you’re a man.

What an ignorant comment.

Abuse in childhood is one of the most damaging things a person can go through. Ptsd is not just related to war.

Where does she say she’s only recently diagnosed ? In an update she says diagnosis was over four years ago - and with c-ptsd, which is far more complex and can result in far reaching and long lasting mental health difficulties.

You seem to be adding yourself to the list of people OP has belittling and misunderstanding her - severe ptsd doesn’t always come from war zones and hostage situations. It can result in situations much closer to home, and sometimes from issues exclusive to women. You don’t appear to have much understanding of that. Are you a man by any chance ?

Try and see less of people who belittle you or preferably don't see them at all.

It’s exactly like being in a war zone. Except, it isn't. You are using a comparator, it is in no way 'exactly' the same.

I do think there have been reasonable points made, perhaps by the older and more battle scarred posters, that everyone is dealing with their own shit. We all 'carry trauma' if you are going to start comparing life to a war zone. You need to set bounderies to manage yours and understand other people may be acting out due to theirs. Relationships require give and take.

Ignore anyone on mumsnet dismissing your experience too. Not everyone on mumsnet will be helpful. Some will be people who belittle their own family members.

So, you’re taking the OP to task about likening what she’s experienced to being in a war zone, and yet you, yourself are using phrases like ‘battle scarred’. Given that OP is autistic and has been exposed to what is clearly serious and long term abuse, both in childhood and also in an abusive adult relationship, to her it may well feel exactly like being in what she perceives as a war zone. Splitting hairs about the language used both belittles her and attempts to diminish her very real experiences and the long term effects on her mental health.

Well, yes - that is my point. OP used the analogy of a war zone and I extended it to underline that we are not living in an actual battle zone, but that life itself leaves its scars on all of us and mutual sympathy and understanding is required as well as firm bounderies. To simplify: don't assume you are the only one who feels punched out by life sometimes.

@Rosscameasdoody have you any constructive advice for the OP?

You’ve offered none.

Are you only here to make personal attacks on posters?

You’ve gone for two.

Reported.