Boyfriend always asking for money

[Banana1979]

In Jan this year I got on with a new partner who was working
we were talking on and off for quite awhile before that
unfortunately he had an accident at work in early Feb and has been on ssp ever since
he has no children.
he lives about 20 miles away, so not too close, and we see each other about once a week. I go to his when DD age 9 is at her dads or nans
lately he has been asking me for money money for his Internet bill money for his food money for cigarettes. I feel awful saying no, but there are times I have given him money. I’ve just looked in my bank account and I’ve counted so far £600 I’ve given in total since Feb
£50 here £100 there £30 here it all adds up. I have said to him today a fat no short on money myself. His Internet has run out because he didn’t pay the bill last month and he is messaging me saying he’s fucked. He has no cigarettes or Internet.
I am absolutely livid with myself for giving any money to begin with, as I felt bad he couldn’t work and it would be bad to dump someone for basically losing their job through an accident
and I am even more livid with myself for being with a man who could think it’s okay to ask his partner for money for cigarettes and Internet when he knows I have a child
I said to him today, I don’t feel fucked if I don’t have money for my Internet I just get on with my day however he saying he’s suicidal because he cannot smoke or watch the TV
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this. It sounds so ridiculous, but this is what I am being met with. I think I should dump him but i don’t want him doing something stupid
yesterday he asked if I could do a food shop for him via Amazon, fresh but I just don’t have the money. Both his parents died a few years ago and he has no siblings or extended family which is making me feel bad every time I say no
I have said to him today that I have a daughter, I need to think about and any more money I get in future I need to be going on her or in my savings account and not on him
he isn’t my responsibility
I refuse to answer the phone to him today, because I know he’s going to ask for money and I said to him I did not answer the phone because my mum came round which she did, and then he sent me a message replying that I am full of excuses
I don’t know what excuses he is talking about, but his finances are not my responsibility. I am going to dump him but is there a way of doing it gently . This is affecting my mental health

Totally agree 💯 per cent with ubove poster's to sell his Jacket to the highest bidder whatever bidding website that is...

I'd make it clear in a message that it was a loan and get him to somehow confirm that he will pay you back when he is earning again. Then when he does get a job, take him to small claims court to recoup it. For now, dump him and say you can't afford to maintain him anymore. Or, if you want to be kind, just be distant. Stop answering calls or calling him. If he asked for money, say you have none spare. His circumstances are sad but if he's not trying to change it, how does he expect it to change? You've only been with him since Jan! He shouldn't feel comfortable asking you for money like that!

Tell them to stick his head through a cereal box and make his own entertainment and smoke tea bsgs

There's no point beating yourself up. Manipulators and con artists are bloody good at what they do.

Stupid would have been staying with him.

Stupid would be getting back together with him.

You've learned a lesson here. A £600 lesson that will be invaluable in future relationships.

Consider it money well spent.

Don't beat yourself up- he has been an education (costing £600).

Clearly he is quite good at his con (and you almost didn't realise how much he was taking).

You were naive ... but only because you are a good normal human with little experience of his mean manipulative ways.

You are now armed a little better and mostly unharmed. 💪

Use this experience to give yourself a firm wake up as to making better choices. He was using you from the very beginning. Do not ever allow anyone to treat you like this. That money was for your dd and now you will never get it back. Also be kind to yourself because you made a mistake but you had sense enough to end it and realise what he was up to. Just block him and never fall into this situation again.

I agree with all of this. You met in January, and he started sponging off you in February. Wake up, OP.

Thank you all he is still begging me back but I’m not having any of it. I did block him and he managed to get hold of another Sim card to message me!

Has he paid you back?

He is absolutely revolting. I beg you, do not let him back.

Well he got good money off you, he's not going to give up without a fight

Your best bet is to reply asking him for money.

He'll vanish off the face of the earth then.

Tell him you’ll talk to him when he’s paid your £600 back.

You'll never hear from him again - twat

Well if he has managed to buy another SIM and have credit to call then he is not skint.

I agree with a PP - ask him for the money back and you won't hear from him again.

Sweetie, you're not useless or stupid. He's a scam artist. That's what they do.

I'd work on your boundaries so you don't repeat this - though it sounds like you won't!

£600 since January is a lot of cash.

Take care of yourself x

Report him for harassment he sounds vile

i imagine him a Mr Twit lookalike

Whilst I appreciate he may have had an injury and been incapacitated it is SERIOUSLY not your job to support him.

I'd send him some details about managing on reduced income, say he has to look into it but your priority is your daughter and you're finding it income draining. Sayonara.

He seems to be expecting quite a lot but you've gone off him anyway. It's not your child anyway and a short term relationship.

Stand firm op.

I agree ask him for the money back, you'll never hear from him again

Nope !

He's not skint then. Keep blocking but before you do send him your banking details and request your money back. Every single time.

Good luck, you are doing great so far

@Banana1979 I was idiotic enough to loan a boyfriend ( I was 18) two week’s pay.
I never got it back .

Utter user.

Toss this useless Scrote.

Invest in your child instead.

@Banana1979 Well done, you are doing so well not allowing yourself to bankroll this waster.

Yes, he's probably using weed or some other drug- in the distant past cigarettes were broken up to make spliffs with - so you are funding his weed habit?

Into the bin with him.

Sorry you've been through this OP. He sounds like one of the worst I've read about on Mumsnet and just be glad you've realised now

We all do silly things when lonely so don't beat yourself up

Love that you have realised and have put you and your daughter first. You won't be the first person or the last person he has done this too xx keep strong

Doesn't sound like a boyfriend, sounds like a romance scammer to me. Did you meet online?

How convenient he had an accident and couldn't work just after he started seeing you.

He probably has several 'girlfriends' paying for his champagne lifestyle.