Boyfriend always asking for money

[Banana1979]

In Jan this year I got on with a new partner who was working
we were talking on and off for quite awhile before that
unfortunately he had an accident at work in early Feb and has been on ssp ever since
he has no children.
he lives about 20 miles away, so not too close, and we see each other about once a week. I go to his when DD age 9 is at her dads or nans
lately he has been asking me for money money for his Internet bill money for his food money for cigarettes. I feel awful saying no, but there are times I have given him money. I’ve just looked in my bank account and I’ve counted so far £600 I’ve given in total since Feb
£50 here £100 there £30 here it all adds up. I have said to him today a fat no short on money myself. His Internet has run out because he didn’t pay the bill last month and he is messaging me saying he’s fucked. He has no cigarettes or Internet.
I am absolutely livid with myself for giving any money to begin with, as I felt bad he couldn’t work and it would be bad to dump someone for basically losing their job through an accident
and I am even more livid with myself for being with a man who could think it’s okay to ask his partner for money for cigarettes and Internet when he knows I have a child
I said to him today, I don’t feel fucked if I don’t have money for my Internet I just get on with my day however he saying he’s suicidal because he cannot smoke or watch the TV
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this. It sounds so ridiculous, but this is what I am being met with. I think I should dump him but i don’t want him doing something stupid
yesterday he asked if I could do a food shop for him via Amazon, fresh but I just don’t have the money. Both his parents died a few years ago and he has no siblings or extended family which is making me feel bad every time I say no
I have said to him today that I have a daughter, I need to think about and any more money I get in future I need to be going on her or in my savings account and not on him
he isn’t my responsibility
I refuse to answer the phone to him today, because I know he’s going to ask for money and I said to him I did not answer the phone because my mum came round which she did, and then he sent me a message replying that I am full of excuses
I don’t know what excuses he is talking about, but his finances are not my responsibility. I am going to dump him but is there a way of doing it gently . This is affecting my mental health

This.

Funding his fag habit? Cheeky fucker. Why do you want to dump him gently - he doesn't deserve it.

He really is taking the p1ss.

£600 I’ve given in total since Feb
Write it off. Call it a lesson learned. What you pay for the benefit of dumping him, tonight, forever. And block. That money belonged to you and your child.

I think I should dump him
Clearly a woman of sound mind and reasonable judgement. Do it. Now.

i don’t want him doing something stupid
Without wishing to sound completely heartless (but I'll say it anyway), if he did, he'd just be saving other women from being leeched off in the future, other children from going without because mam gave the money away for sex... (no disrespect to you, there, it's just some men are manipulative cocklodging bastards).
Obviously, no-one wants him to kill himself. But he can go to his family, his friends, and lots of services if he needs help. He can do that. You don't have to do it for him.

Free yourself, and your child. Dump him now, if you haven't already.

And with respect OP he’s not your partner - he’s a freeloading scrounging scammer.

Really ask yourself if you’re that desperate to have a man that you facilitate cocklodging

I think I should dump him but i don’t want him doing something stupid
If he threatens to harm himself call the police and ask for a welfare check. He is NOT your responsibility.

You won't see that money back so this is going to be an expensive lesson for you. Don't lend/gift money you can't afford to lose.

Makes me wonder if he even had an accident in January or if that was crap as well … 🤔

So, what are Sir Sponge-a-Lots good points?

Dump him. He has no future or prospects and no respect for you and stinks of fags!

Next!

I thought same. It’s probably his standard line he trolls out to get the latest victims sympathy

Thank you for all your replies. I was feeling really bad. I am a nice person inside and I don’t want to hurt people, but I think you are right I’m being used and made to feel shit because I can’t finance him
i will just tell him that I cannot afford him and don’t want to be used as a cash point, especially when I haven’t got much myself and am 600 down because of him
if he threatens suicide I’ll tell him to speak to his doctor

This is a bf of 3/4 months? And he’s already had £600 out of you…. AND he didn’t even pay his internet bill. Sounds like a sponger, get rid. The fact he has no shame in asking a new partner for money just shows you what sort of person he is

Dump and block

i don’t want him doing something stupid

Which is what he's relying on. I'd be kicking him into touch for the 'full of excuses' comment alone after three months of freeloading.

You just need to be clear & a bit blunt with him OP for example just say:

You cannot afford to fund his life, you have your own life & child to fund.

You are sorry he is struggling, but internet & cigarettes are not essentials.

If he is struggling for food then point to local community fridge/kitchen/food bank, he can self refer the first time.

You are sorry his mental health is suffering, point him towards GP for that.

You really have to just deal in facts rather than emotions in situations like that because with people like that if you give an inch they take a mile and STILL want more. Don’t let him play on your emotions.

Don’t give him that much of an explanation - he’ll try and talk you round and he doesn’t deserve any reason.

Just tell him it’s over and block him - it’s that simple

Dump then block immediately. That way he can’t start sending sob stories,suicide threats or other manipulative shit designed purely to get his own way

You are being too nice and taken advantage of, he's new to your life and not your responsibility, I wouldn't think twic

If it was an injury at work, then he should be getting SSP and UC. He hasn't lost his brain, so he's still responsible for looking after himself.

Tell him to sort himself out, and then block him.

Tell us a bit more about the accident he had at work which means he can't work? Surely an accident so serious as to incapacitate you would mean a big payout. It's also very suspicious that he met you in January and had his accident in February.

With regard to the suicide threats - do you think he really means it or do you think he's just saying that to get you to give him more money? What's your gut instinct here?

You owe him nothing. I think at this stage in the relationship, it’s fine to break up by text. Don’t waste your petrol money on him.

Just dumb him and block him so he cannot contact you. Don't let him blackmail you into being with him, giving him money etc.

Definitely block him!

His using you. Dump!

You remind me of me.

I’m a recovering people pleaser.

When I left my abusive ex I felt guilty. And, I still feel kind of guilty. He did the whole suicide threat thing too. It’s their pattern.

You can do better than this guy.

However much he’s asked for today, spend on yourself. Look after yourself. You and your child are depending on you. He’s a grown-arse man, he can look after himself.

@Banana1979 please please listen to what everyone is say because they are right.

It is blatantly obvious he is using you.

Think of your child, get rid of this guy seriously.

He is definitely not your Mr Right my lovely