Boyfriend always asking for money

[Banana1979]

In Jan this year I got on with a new partner who was working
we were talking on and off for quite awhile before that
unfortunately he had an accident at work in early Feb and has been on ssp ever since
he has no children.
he lives about 20 miles away, so not too close, and we see each other about once a week. I go to his when DD age 9 is at her dads or nans
lately he has been asking me for money money for his Internet bill money for his food money for cigarettes. I feel awful saying no, but there are times I have given him money. I’ve just looked in my bank account and I’ve counted so far £600 I’ve given in total since Feb
£50 here £100 there £30 here it all adds up. I have said to him today a fat no short on money myself. His Internet has run out because he didn’t pay the bill last month and he is messaging me saying he’s fucked. He has no cigarettes or Internet.
I am absolutely livid with myself for giving any money to begin with, as I felt bad he couldn’t work and it would be bad to dump someone for basically losing their job through an accident
and I am even more livid with myself for being with a man who could think it’s okay to ask his partner for money for cigarettes and Internet when he knows I have a child
I said to him today, I don’t feel fucked if I don’t have money for my Internet I just get on with my day however he saying he’s suicidal because he cannot smoke or watch the TV
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this. It sounds so ridiculous, but this is what I am being met with. I think I should dump him but i don’t want him doing something stupid
yesterday he asked if I could do a food shop for him via Amazon, fresh but I just don’t have the money. Both his parents died a few years ago and he has no siblings or extended family which is making me feel bad every time I say no
I have said to him today that I have a daughter, I need to think about and any more money I get in future I need to be going on her or in my savings account and not on him
he isn’t my responsibility
I refuse to answer the phone to him today, because I know he’s going to ask for money and I said to him I did not answer the phone because my mum came round which she did, and then he sent me a message replying that I am full of excuses
I don’t know what excuses he is talking about, but his finances are not my responsibility. I am going to dump him but is there a way of doing it gently . This is affecting my mental health

He’s doing what worked in the past. Sob story = getting what he wants, same for suicide etc.

I doubt you are the only partner he has. Men like him like to keep a few on the go.

Lesson learnt.

OP. You need to dump this man. He will find help elsewhere so don’t worry about that. Like you said, you have a daughter. So you need to make sure that YOUR money is either being spent or saved in YOUR or HER best interests. Not on some feckless, demanding, gaslighting twat. It’s not about his injury, it’s about how he is behaving towards you. One to block and move on from.

You don’t need to do it gently - people like that need to know that you are done with them, no confusion.

Forget about sending the jacket back, don't waste anymore money on him. If he wants it he can collect it himself.

He probably asking other women too

Well done for breaking up with him.

Op, so glad you have blocked him..I once knew someone like this, his name doesn't begin with D does it?

Wanker

@Banana1979

He is not your partner

He is a grifter who is master manipulative at pulling you into his world deeper into his maladaptive psyche snare,

playing on the currency of potential sympathiser's who he targets will have the potential to fall for this kind of 💩 Crap..

Financially Emotional abusive Grifter hat trick 🎩 ✨️

If the jacket is worth anything sell it if not give it to charity or dump it, just dont send it back. Totally wash your hands of him.
you will meet someone nice one day.

I reckon he said "same here" as he wanted the last word and to imply he's also been thinking the relationship hasn't been working out. Except he's not really thought it through as it reads/implies he agreed "same here" to you saying he's using you for money. Nice of him to confirm it!

Why not follow it up with "oh, glad you agree, so when can I expect my £600 back?". Although if you do, don't expect a reply. Or the money.

Don't send his jacket back - sell it to get some of your money back.

Don't send the jacket back. Keep it and sell it on Vinted.

Please learn from this OP. No good man will ask you to hand over cash. The first time anyone dos, walk away and don’t look back. Hes no different to the online catfish - only interest in bleeding you dry

For gods sake dump him. And find your self esteem.

Don't beat yourself up about having been a bit daft. Look at all the thousands of Mumsnet threads where people have done dumb stuff! It's life!!! As long as you learn from it then just chaulk it up to experience.

Op I'd definitely ask him for the money back. You'll probably never see it but ask the question. I'll send your jacket when you repay the money you've borrowed.

Circa 25 years ago I did very similar, £10 here, £20 there, and before I knew it I was £200 down. Never saw that money again.

Goodness I can’t believe what I’m reading, you’ve known him literally weeks! It’s been since Jan! And you’ve given him 600 quid and are allowing him to hassle you for money.

bin him off, just say it isn’t working for you and block him.

well done for ending it and don’t give him or the jacket another thought. However do consider doing some work around boundaries before your next relationship as you sound quite vulnerable.

Utterly vile man
Don't feel too bad op , look at all those people who have lost their life savings to Romance scams
Chalk it up as a life lesson and have your boundaries firmly set next time you date
Join Meetup or FROLO or something for something to do when you're child free

Well done for dumping him!

His next move would have been moving in by stealth then one day you'd have realised you were saddled with a total cocklodger.

He will probably give manipulating you another shot so be aware of that.

You owe him nothing.
You are responsible for nothing for him.
Don't believe his pleas or threats.

I wouldn't send back the jacket or respond to him in any way. He just wanted the last word. Keep him blocked and move it. You know he is a manipulator, so don't give him another shot at it.

"however he saying he’s suicidal because he cannot smoke or watch the TV"

😂😂😂

I don't even have the words 😂

Genuine question OP - did you ever go on dates with this cocklodger or was it always visiting each other at home?

Well done, OP. Dodged a bullet there. Consider the £600 money well spent to get rid of this loser. Keep the coat - sell it if it’s worth anything. Don't do anything that requires further contact with him.

Mil to be.. always love your straight talking comments !!! Well said as always!