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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner wearing my fishnets

181 replies

Needsupportad · 06/04/2024 12:18

Me and my boyfriend have had lots of trust issues over the past four months. Out baby is five months old and in that time lots of lies about his past has come out. Silly things, but it’s broken the trust none the less. He’s gone back to his mums four times and the last time he went he seemed different. Much more angry, much more sure he wanted to leave us.

We spoke, he came back and things seemed to be better. My trust issues were still there but I was trying to keep them under wraps for everyone’s sake and so we could move on.

Last night I found photos of him in his deleted folder, wearing my fishnets, he was bent over, grabbing his private parts and one full frontal of his penis. It was while he was at his mums.

I confronted him and he’s told me he likes the feel of them. It turns him on. He’s not gay and he loves me. He said the photos were to get him off. He said he’s done it for years but not since we’ve been together. He said it’s only started up over the last two months.

I am in shock, I feel sick and in so upset. I do think he loves me. I really do. What is this? Is it my fault because I’ve not been trusting him lately and questioning him daily. Is he Gay? Please help me. I’m not being a good mum to my baby girl, because I’m so heartbroken.

OP posts:
Needsupportad · 09/04/2024 09:10

I’m not happy with it. He’s going to be moving out.

OP posts:
Honeybunzz · 09/04/2024 09:16

@Needsupportad

well done on prioritising your values and happiness. Good riddance to him

TheSandgroper · 09/04/2024 09:31

Gawd, I’ve just caught up.

So sorry, everyone, about all the repeated posts.

Lion400 · 09/04/2024 10:45

Needsupportad · 09/04/2024 09:10

I’m not happy with it. He’s going to be moving out.

Well done. It must be so so tough, and heart breaking. But you’ve listened to your gut and done the right thing for you.

Xenoi24 · 09/04/2024 11:00

He said why did I look because if I hadn’t found out it would have never hurt me.

Yeah the problem is that you looked/found out.

Ridiculous.

I think I heard similar about cheaters or prostitute users being caught on here ... It's your fault you looked/snooped and found out.

No, it's your fault for not being honest about your behaviour.

Your partner has a right to know if you're a transvestite/have a fetish. And if you're using her intimate clothing for it, to boot.

Then there's the question of what he's doing with those photos and the weird coincidental.sti test.

But, how dare you find out about anything. You should stay in your box and let him do whatever he wants behind your back, using your stuff.

Xenoi24 · 09/04/2024 11:03

I'm not surprised you find it ugly and repulsive op; I would too.

I don't know how any woman would continue to find a man they saw doing that attractive, sexually or emotionally.

Then there's the fact that he hid it and you feel like you don't know him. He's not who you got into a relationship with. And it's entirely natural to wonder what else you don't know/what else will crop up.

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