Partner wearing my fishnets

[Needsupportad]

Me and my boyfriend have had lots of trust issues over the past four months. Out baby is five months old and in that time lots of lies about his past has come out. Silly things, but it’s broken the trust none the less. He’s gone back to his mums four times and the last time he went he seemed different. Much more angry, much more sure he wanted to leave us.

We spoke, he came back and things seemed to be better. My trust issues were still there but I was trying to keep them under wraps for everyone’s sake and so we could move on.

Last night I found photos of him in his deleted folder, wearing my fishnets, he was bent over, grabbing his private parts and one full frontal of his penis. It was while he was at his mums.

I confronted him and he’s told me he likes the feel of them. It turns him on. He’s not gay and he loves me. He said the photos were to get him off. He said he’s done it for years but not since we’ve been together. He said it’s only started up over the last two months.

I am in shock, I feel sick and in so upset. I do think he loves me. I really do. What is this? Is it my fault because I’ve not been trusting him lately and questioning him daily. Is he Gay? Please help me. I’m not being a good mum to my baby girl, because I’m so heartbroken.

I can't imagine being turned on, by looking at a photo of myself. I mean, really? Are you sure he hasn't sent that to someone? You were split up at the time though, so I guess even if he did, it's not really cheating. I'd be combing through his phone tbh.

I couldn't continue a sexual relationship with someone after that.

Google "autogynophile" because that is what you've got there.

I'm so sorry 😞

It's never a hoodie and jeans is it, it is always the sluttiest, most sexually explicit "womens" clothing.

How do you feel about this OP?

How on earth could you be with him god only knows what he has been up to or with who or what sex like who was he even sending those photos to, sorry but he obviously has something going on he won't admit to weather it's he is gay or trans or whatever but he clearly doesn't want to be there it doesn't seem like it now but in the long run you will be better off.

AGP is a paraphilia and clusters with others - so he will probably get worse. I am sorry OP. This is nothing to do with sexuality - it is predominantly a straight man fetish. He will probably be watching sissification porn which is where is tends to start. I am so sorry, I would leave now. Have a look at the TransWindow threads.

I think some people are jumping way ahead here - it doesn't inevitably mean he's trans or will escalate.

Some men have fetishes about tights or stockings and that's as far as it goes for them.

Agree.

Jesus Christ.

No one is suggesting he is trans gendered. Trans people have dysphoria regarding their body and are vulnerable.
Men with AGP take on trans identities to allow them to act their fetish out in public - often 'at women' in what should be single sex spaces. A trans woman would not be taking photographs of their penis, they would be very distressed by it's existence. This is of course the older definition of trans before what used to be called transvestites were included.

The women on the trans widow's threads are an invaluable source of info as they are one of the few places where this fetish and the harm it does to women and families is discussed.

It's autogynephila. These things (paraphilias) that men can have tend to come in clusters. The secrecy and the photos are disturbing. I'm not sure anyone uses their own photos to masturbate to either; you may well find he's been participating in porn sites.
Aside from that, you say you are scared of him. That's enough. I would take my baby and leave.

It may mean he wishes he was.

You’ve just had a baby and he’s bringing you nothing but stress. I honestly could not be arsed.

is he leaving or are you kicking him out? Perhaps you both need to tackle issues rather than him storming out? If DP left once I’d question if I wanted to let him back. Twice and it’s a pattern I haven’t got time for. We’re either together working through things, or you’re leaving, I haven’t got time to fuck around and play silly childish games.

why did you think not dealing with your trust issues was the best way to move forward?
you’re clearly going through his phone so you’re not really suppressing them are you. If you’re going to stay together you need to both be honest and work through it. You’re badly hiding trust issues and he’s badly hiding fetishes, what kindof partnership is this?

ive also no idea how you’ve come to the conclusion that your trust issues would cause him to have a fetish - do you typically take the blame for other people’s behaviour?
why don’t you believe his explanation? Is it because of a gut feeling? Or because he normally isn’t trustworthy? Or something else?

you say you’re scared of him? Is that not enough to tell you to leave.
I know you said you can’t do this alone, but he keeps leaving, you literally are already.

FFS!
He was wearing stockings.

It’s not my thing OP and I can’t claim to know anything about it, but if you are scared of him, then it’s time to leave

This extracted from a previous poster:

“I would be concerned that he might be uploading such pictures to fetish websites with a view to meeting people.”

I can see I'm going against the grain, but this doesnt have to be a huge deal. Could be just a bit kinky or a fetish. I had a boyfriend for ages, not say, or bi or trans, but he liked wearing women's silk nightwear, fishnets etc. I actually enjoyed it. I don't see thus as a huge deal.

Men always wait until you've had the baby to start this shit. It's textbook.

Im so sorry OP. Awful time when your baby is so young. Sending love x

It's a massive turn off.

It would be for most women.

You're odd.

Stop trying to make out other people are or should be like you.

Seeing that and knowing he does that; would be the end of all desire on my part to kiss, suck.or fuck him. I don't think that's unusual in heterosexual women.

I actually enjoyed it

What did you enjoy about a hairy bloke with a dick and testicles wearing silk nighties and fish net hosiery exactly?.

And that’s fine for you but the OP doesn’t like it and she’s got every right to feel the way she does.

We've all got our own likes and dislikes and we’re entitled to find someone else’s kink a turn off

Personally seeing a man in fishnets with his cock and balls out would make my vagina clamp shut permanently but each to their own.

Good point.

The voice of experience there.

Every thread on MN in the years I've been a user asking what attracted posters to their partner, or what they are attracted to in their partner - alongside some character traits - is a list of things like his strong, hairy forearms, his stubble, his jawline, his shoulders, his arms, the way he reverses a car, his deep.voive etc etc etc.

I have yet, once, to see someone saying "I love how he minces around in stockings and heels".

The posters who pop up on every thread like this to cheer lead for tolerance of men who have autogynaephilia or a sissification fetish need to recognise they're in a tiny minority.

OP what did you mean you aren’t being a good mother to DC?

It sounds like this relationship was a mess before the photos. What else has he been doing to hurt you?

The people mentioning AGP on here are correct. Often AGP men get bolder after their partners have babies. I guess because the partner is more vulnerable and more likely to stay. Before too long a lot of family money is going on women’s clothing etc for the AGP.

I would leave now. The relationship isn’t making you happy and this fetish is very very likely to escalate.
💐