Am i losing my mind?

[Imsorrywhat]

I've just had a really horrible shock. My dp and father of my dc had a female friend over in his den/office, has a TV, sofa, guest bed etc in. I've just watched him in lying bed reach out for her and she sat on the bed while he pulled her to him hugging him. Am I in a parallel universe or is that a really weird and inappropriate thing to do?

You're not married? This could make things easier or harder depending on a few things.
Who owns the house OP? Or is it rented, and if so in whose name?

I'm so sorry you must be absolutely reeling, but practicalities are going to matter especially if you want him to leave soon/ASAP, it's important for you and the children's (how many and ages?) future security that you understand your rights.

However I apologise if I'm bringing this up too soon. Genuinely out of a spirit of helpfulness because it would be awful if you have extra unnecessary suffering and difficulty on top of the shit that's already happening.

I'm so sorry. What a turd he is, really. Take care of yourself and remember to breathe, and cry too, it won't feel like it yet but crying freely is helping you process it.

OP this is heartbreaking you however sound strong at your core tho you might not feel it just now. You will still be in shock, stay dignified- unlike both pieces of selfish entitled trash that were in your life. This is so unfair for you but considering getting out now as it won't get better no matter how he tries to spin it. Just think of yourself & your children thats the priority. Sending a massive hug and look after yourself x

Sending hugs, what a piece of shit he is. She is too, she got pregnant by a man in a long term relationship with children, then pops round your house to continue it in your spare room. Don’t waste your sympathy on this woman.

Sending you strength OP.

What an awful man. I am so genuinely sorry this is happening to you OP. Please don't give this man another chance to hurt you again. The OW will never be out of your life x

How are doing today OP? X

Thinking of you @Imsorrywhat

Really hope you’re ok. Please don’t expend any emotional energy on feeling sorry for his affair partner.

YOU MATTER most!

I'm not alright or up to responding properly. But wanted to say thank you for the support

Thinking of you xx

@Imsorrywhat I’m not surprised you’re not ok. What you are processing here is horrific. Please know that even though it feels as though you’ll never survive this YOU WILL. So many of us have been where you are and we’re through the other side.

Right now it is all about self care. Take it moment by moment. Try to do things that make you smile.

I know you don’t want advice right now, you want to lick your wounds but when you’re ready please get yourself on Surviving Infidelity website. The posters and moderators there are amazing and so knowledgeable. They were a constant source of support to me and I couldn’t have got through the first few weeks without them.

Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry Op. I've been thinking of you. What a horrible shock. You're not alone, so many women discover that their husband is not who he pretended to be.

What a bastard he is to both of you actually.

Obviously it's much worse for you but God knows what he's been telling that woman.

I could not get past a pregnancy and such deception particularly as he's carrying on with her in your own house.

I'm really sorry. You must be in terrible shock.

Who cares what he told her, she’s got eyes, and presumably a brain of her own. Coming round OP’s house -where her children live.
She’s scum.

💐x

Thinking of you, take every hour as it comes. Don't think of the future yet just look after yourself & your children. Breathe and self care. Try to talk to someone in real life. You have right on your side unfortunately you married scum (it's the company he keeps). Take care sending you a hug x

Also thinking of you, OP. One day at a time. You can do this.

@Beefcurtains79 I agree it takes a special kind of cunt to sleep with your husband and still show up at your home.

Absolutely. I’ve seen so many posts on MN saying it’s only on the attached one and the OW has nothing to feel guilty about but this one is an absolute vile POS who knew exactly what she was doing.

They're both scum OP. I would never condone violence usually but I think I’d struggle not to punch the pair of them in the face. Disgusting people who I hope both get their karma.

In my case (married man, no children) he told me they were still living together as friends - that she was seeing other people too and they hadn’t slept together for 3 years. That they were just living together for financial reasons.

He didnt actually have me round to his house whilst she was there but in the OP’s case - if he’s fed his OW a line like the above and has had her in front of his family I can understand why she might think “well if he was lying he wouldn’t be openly flaunting me in front of his wife”.

She may just be a deceitful cow yes and not give a shit that he’s shagging both of them. But unless you’ve come across one of these characters you will never understand how convincing they are in their web of lies.

I suspect the op will find there’s a lot more he’s lied about.

Hope you’re holding up ok op x

I know it's meant well but reading any insults to her isn't helping me. I don't care about her, as I said, if he's lied to me so massively I have no idea what he has told her and I have no doubt convincingly. I don't see it as her betraying me or the c word or anything. I just need to focus on myself

Does he have form for lying op? Even silly lies? Is he always the victim? Did he lovebomb you in the beginning of your relationship and then after time start making criticisms? Does he come across to everyone else like a lovely kind person who’d do anything for anyone?

Does everything have to revolve around him? Needs constant attention?

If so and you don’t know already, look up covert narcissists. It’s a personality disorder and they usually also cheat and are pathological liars. It just might help you understand things when you’re looking for answers.

It helped me have an “aha! That’s what he is” moment when I was trying to unravel everything. When you are a genuine and honest person it’s inconceivable that someone can tell so many lies and lead a double life. But it’s almost like they can’t help it - they’re rotten to the core, the nice guy act is just a mask. And it always slips eventually.

Just wanted to say I've been thinking of you all weekend and sending strength your way virtually xx

Just seen your most recent update and I completely agree with you. That's a really positive approach, you could waste hours, days or weeks being angry about her but much better to focus on yourself and get your head straight (wish I had done this).

I hope that you have spoken to a trusted friend or family member and are getting support to work this through

I've been thinking about you and your children. I hope you're able to eat a little, even if it's just toast.

Sorry, posted without seeing the update x