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Original poster

Am i losing my mind?

176 replies

Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 16:40

I've just had a really horrible shock. My dp and father of my dc had a female friend over in his den/office, has a TV, sofa, guest bed etc in. I've just watched him in lying bed reach out for her and she sat on the bed while he pulled her to him hugging him. Am I in a parallel universe or is that a really weird and inappropriate thing to do?

OP posts:
Notamum12345577 · 03/04/2024 21:29

Maybe he was taking to his good female friend, he was tired due to being up with the child, so he said he was going to bed. I’m not saying it was appropriate to hug her 4 times and hug her while he was in bed (or to go to bed while she was in the room!), but it doesn’t mean he was sleeping with her or trying to.

Curlyblondefemale · 03/04/2024 21:31

His behaviour is completely unacceptable, probably better off waiting and collecting more evidence if you can.. I wouldn't be able to do this and would go apeshit though.
For what it's worth it sounds like she pulled back by moving to the sofa but if he has some weird crush on her I can't imagine she wouldn't know and is probably encouraging it.
All of this is just massively disrespectful to you though.

KiwiLondoner · 03/04/2024 21:42

Keep us posted OP. Feel like I won't sleep until I know what he said - it's super weird. I'm sorry you're in this position. Definitely feels inappropriate and flirty at BEST and pretty dodgy.

rainbowlou · 03/04/2024 22:06

I would be tempted to let him know I’m going out for the day and see what, and if anything happens.
But I say that as someone who reacted far too quickly to a cheating husband which enabled him to delete stuff and hide things.

PeaPalRIDriots · 03/04/2024 22:21

WHY do you have security cameras inside your house?
Why does he have a duvet in his office?
Why was she there?
How did he not hear you come home?

SargentSuperFan · 03/04/2024 22:27

Catoo · 03/04/2024 19:06

It’s an odd one OP. A few too many hugs for my liking!
Maybe he was just being silly and showing off and said he was tired and going to bed and could he get tucked in and a goodnight hug.
Depending on their friendship who knows if this is an odd thing to do? Maybe they’ve had this joke before?
It certainly seems flirty from the outside looking in. But could just be silliness.
If there is no kissing etc for the hour they were there I would think he’s just being daft. But like you, I wouldn’t like it!

💐

Edited

Yeah, how many men would laugh off catching their wife on camera repeatedly hugging a work colleague and trying to coax him into bed? There's no "silliness" here, it's pretty plain what's going on.

kayla12345 · 03/04/2024 22:32

I would be absolutely furious OP. I hope you're okay

Noseybookworm · 03/04/2024 22:49

It sounds like he fancies her and was trying to get her into bed 🤨 did she come over to work or just hang out with him as a friend? I'd be very suspicious.

Having cameras inside your home is a bit creepy though 😳

Pinkie89 · 03/04/2024 23:14

He’s up to no good, this is out of order. He's either already cheating or he’s putting the feelers out to this other woman. Either way he can’t be trusted.

Copperoliverbear · 03/04/2024 23:19

Maybe they'd already done something and were both dressed at this point, either way he'd be out if he was mine.

Copperoliverbear · 03/04/2024 23:25

I think they've been doing stuff elsewhere and he could not persuade her to do I there incase you came in. It was an extra thrill for him the danger.

Duh · 04/04/2024 12:21

I hope you are ok OP.

BigAnne · 04/04/2024 13:24

Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 16:40

I've just had a really horrible shock. My dp and father of my dc had a female friend over in his den/office, has a TV, sofa, guest bed etc in. I've just watched him in lying bed reach out for her and she sat on the bed while he pulled her to him hugging him. Am I in a parallel universe or is that a really weird and inappropriate thing to do?

LTB

AGirlWithAHandOnHerArm · 04/04/2024 13:30

Hope you are ok OP. Have you decided how to take this forward?

Helabel1 · 04/04/2024 13:45

What you have described would be enough for me. Have you spoken to him?

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 16:18

Sorry. I did what pp suggested and asked him if he had any thing to tell me and he looked confused so I said I'd seen the cameras of them together and he looked like a deer in headlights and stutter and I just let him. He said nothing happened and seemed confused so I played the clip and he said he just hugged her and didn't seem to get how unacceptable it was that it was in bed.... It was baffling

OP posts:
AGirlWithAHandOnHerArm · 04/04/2024 16:25

Have you ever felt in your gut that something dodgey could be going on, before you even saw this video? Are there lots of dots to join up here?

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 16:43

No, not really. He talked about her a lot at first. I've told him I want a proper conversation with him later and if he's not completely honest, I don't know what the future holds

OP posts:
ScottishShortie · 04/04/2024 16:51

Dear me.
Dont let him tell you you’re over reacting.

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 16:56

I've come in to a letter and him not here. He's said he's sorry, something had happened between them a few years ago but he tried to get rid of his feelings for her and make it work with us as a family. I'm not going to go into detail as it's too personal for posting but wtaf. He's kept her around all this time, I've seen her in our house around our children. No wonder she never looked completely comfortable wtf. Wtf wtf. How can he say hes sorry but keep this woman who he obviously still has feelings for around us?! If he actually cared about risking us compared to prioritising her?!

OP posts:
Catoo · 04/04/2024 17:34

I’m sorry OP.
He should not have kept in touch with her as you say.
Does he say if he’s coming back?
Can you get a friend to come over and stay with you?
💐

Azandme · 04/04/2024 17:38

I'm so sorry OP.

MsDogLady · 04/04/2024 17:46

This is terrible, @Imsorrywhat.

He cheated with this OW and has continued to make a fool of you (and the children) by keeping her around and indulging his feelings via an EA. The infidelity never ended.

His betrayal is massive and it would be game over for me.

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 17:47

Catoo · 04/04/2024 17:34

I’m sorry OP.
He should not have kept in touch with her as you say.
Does he say if he’s coming back?
Can you get a friend to come over and stay with you?
💐

It almost makes yesterday worse... That's genuine intimate affection as a pp said. No he just said he was giving me space to read it. I think he's too scared to be here while I read it tbh not for my benefit. As if he's doing me a favour staying with us to keep a family together?!

OP posts:
MissHarrietBede · 04/04/2024 17:51

Has he gone to her?