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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am i losing my mind?

176 replies

Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 16:40

I've just had a really horrible shock. My dp and father of my dc had a female friend over in his den/office, has a TV, sofa, guest bed etc in. I've just watched him in lying bed reach out for her and she sat on the bed while he pulled her to him hugging him. Am I in a parallel universe or is that a really weird and inappropriate thing to do?

OP posts:
25thCenturyQuaker · 03/04/2024 17:25

Hang on... They were both fully dressed, yet he was under the duvet and she tucked him after they'd hugged?

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 17:27

25thCenturyQuaker · 03/04/2024 17:25

Hang on... They were both fully dressed, yet he was under the duvet and she tucked him after they'd hugged?

Yes that's why I was wtf. The tucking in she was laughing and looked playful not like youd do to a child

OP posts:
Change2banon · 03/04/2024 17:28

Sorry OP, but definitely having an affair.

Fizzadora · 03/04/2024 17:29

How long were you out OP?
I'm thinking they had sex in the bed. She got dressed and he pulled her down to say goodbye. You just caught the last bit.
There is no other reason for him to be in the bed.

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 17:32

Fizzadora · 03/04/2024 17:29

How long were you out OP?
I'm thinking they had sex in the bed. She got dressed and he pulled her down to say goodbye. You just caught the last bit.
There is no other reason for him to be in the bed.

I was out about 2 hours but I'm going through all the cameras now to see if there's anything else before I say anything and can see her car pulling onto the drive about an hour after I left so she was here an hour or so

OP posts:
Ohffsbarbara · 03/04/2024 17:35

Fizzadora · 03/04/2024 17:29

How long were you out OP?
I'm thinking they had sex in the bed. She got dressed and he pulled her down to say goodbye. You just caught the last bit.
There is no other reason for him to be in the bed.

This. Or he wanted to but she didn’t go for it and left.

There is literally no other reason why he’d do this so don’t let him worm his way out of it.

I would say “so do you want to tell me wtf was going on with Susan earlier in your office?” Then just go quiet and let him speak. If he says “wtf are you talking about” just rinse and repeat. Don’t say you just saw them hugging, you may find out more about what went on that way. And tell him it’s been recorded as he’ll probably try and gaslight the fuck out of you.

SamW98 · 03/04/2024 17:36

HummingbirdChandelier · 03/04/2024 17:24

It’s not normal to have security cameras in your house

Because that’s the most relevant thing here obviously 🙄

Ohffsbarbara · 03/04/2024 17:37

It’s not normal to have security cameras in your house

Isn’t it a good job she has though? Her thick twat of a dh has obviously forgotten about them!

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 17:41

Ohffsbarbara · 03/04/2024 17:35

This. Or he wanted to but she didn’t go for it and left.

There is literally no other reason why he’d do this so don’t let him worm his way out of it.

I would say “so do you want to tell me wtf was going on with Susan earlier in your office?” Then just go quiet and let him speak. If he says “wtf are you talking about” just rinse and repeat. Don’t say you just saw them hugging, you may find out more about what went on that way. And tell him it’s been recorded as he’ll probably try and gaslight the fuck out of you.

Show quote history

I was going to say I had something to show him on my phone and then play the clip but I might do what you said instead

OP posts:
Ohffsbarbara · 03/04/2024 17:44

No, don’t show him the clip. Throw the grenade and then stand back, keep quiet and watch/listen to what he says/how he acts.

If he starts downplaying say “have you forgotten we have cameras in the house?” and just go quiet again.

Slowly slowly catchy monkey!

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 17:44

I've just worked out how to rewind footage and it's even weirder. There's no audio so I can't tell what's being said but they go from sofa to him getting in bed. She gets up to join him sitting on bed then goes back to sofa. Then he pulls duvet back as she's getting her laptop and reaches out for her and pulls her in to hug her on the bed. Wtf would you do that so they definitely didn't have sex

OP posts:
Ohffsbarbara · 03/04/2024 17:47

Ok, so even if they didn’t have sex - would you pull your male friend into bed for a cuddle?

There’s clearly more going on IMO, or he wants there to be.

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 17:47

Ohffsbarbara · 03/04/2024 17:47

Ok, so even if they didn’t have sex - would you pull your male friend into bed for a cuddle?

There’s clearly more going on IMO, or he wants there to be.

No I wouldn't even do that to a female friend! It's such a fucking weird thing to do while you're lying down too, feels way more intimate

OP posts:
HummingbirdChandelier · 03/04/2024 17:48

SamW98 · 03/04/2024 17:36

Because that’s the most relevant thing here obviously 🙄

Show quote history

This whole thing sounds very odd to me, is my point

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/04/2024 17:53

It really sounds like an affair or he's trying to have one. I'm so sorry. Get your ducks in a row before you throw that grenade.

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 18:02

HummingbirdChandelier · 03/04/2024 17:48

This whole thing sounds very odd to me, is my point

Show quote history

That's literally the point of the thread

OP posts:
Riapia · 03/04/2024 18:04

wtf would you lied in or on a bed with a man with a partner and think that's OK?!

Possibly part of her culture.
😉😁😁

nextcrapthing · 03/04/2024 18:09

I think you should act and give your husband a kiss and a hug when she was about to leave. So she saw and knows that he is married and in good relationship.
Then, deal with the after math later. May even kick him out.

Opentooffers · 03/04/2024 18:09

Sounds to me like he's trying to make it more, and she's holding back just enough to keep it from going further, while trying to maintain a friendly flirty level. What sort of friend is she? Social or work related? How long has the friendship been going on for? Have you met her?
She's probably holding back because she knows about you and isn't that stupid, he's enjoying trying to convince her otherwise, that's on him. He clearly has no loyalty and is pretty stupid now that there are cameras watching.

Didimum · 03/04/2024 18:11

I think your husband was trying to come on to her and felt very uncomfortable and made a joke out of it.

Question is: have they done this before?

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 18:22

nextcrapthing · 03/04/2024 18:09

I think you should act and give your husband a kiss and a hug when she was about to leave. So she saw and knows that he is married and in good relationship.
Then, deal with the after math later. May even kick him out.

I don't understand?

OP posts:
Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 18:26

Opentooffers · 03/04/2024 18:09

Sounds to me like he's trying to make it more, and she's holding back just enough to keep it from going further, while trying to maintain a friendly flirty level. What sort of friend is she? Social or work related? How long has the friendship been going on for? Have you met her?
She's probably holding back because she knows about you and isn't that stupid, he's enjoying trying to convince her otherwise, that's on him. He clearly has no loyalty and is pretty stupid now that there are cameras watching.

His memory is terrible so I think he probably forgot about the cameras which today I'm glad about obviously

They met at work a few years ago and stayed friends, I've met her yes, I insisted on meeting her when he keor mentioning her when they met, she's been around our dc, she's single I know that much

OP posts:
Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 18:27

Didimum · 03/04/2024 18:11

I think your husband was trying to come on to her and felt very uncomfortable and made a joke out of it.

Question is: have they done this before?

Is there no way its just a really stupid thoughtless thing of him to do? He's finishing work soon so I'm running out of time

OP posts:
nextcrapthing · 03/04/2024 18:37

Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 18:22

I don't understand?

Show quote history

So that she has no excuse thinking that your relationship is already in trouble or sleeping in separate room or no love in marriage. All those lies men likes to tell the OW when the affairs start.

Catoo · 03/04/2024 18:37

Can you see the whole hour she was there OP?
Can you watch the video from your phone when you are out? If so, could you try and go out again at a similar time to see if she comes over again?

From what you’ve said it sounds like he was trying to get her to lie in the bed with him. And there really is only one explanation for that. She was either not interested in being with him, or felt nervous not knowing if you would come back. If a male friend tried to get me into bed and I was not interested, I would leave quite quickly and avoid hugging goodbye etc. Did that happen?

I would probably go out somewhere and sit in a cafe to get my self calm before deciding whether to confront him for an explanation or wait to see if I can catch them together again.

💐