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Original poster

Am i losing my mind?

176 replies

Imsorrywhat · 03/04/2024 16:40

I've just had a really horrible shock. My dp and father of my dc had a female friend over in his den/office, has a TV, sofa, guest bed etc in. I've just watched him in lying bed reach out for her and she sat on the bed while he pulled her to him hugging him. Am I in a parallel universe or is that a really weird and inappropriate thing to do?

OP posts:
currentstateofthings · 04/04/2024 17:58

MissHarrietBede · 04/04/2024 17:51

Has he gone to her?

This is what I was thinking. In sorry op but what he has done is unacceptable. You need the full truth from him and decide what you want to do. Remember you have done nothing wrong do not let his gaslight you

MsDogLady · 04/04/2024 17:59

Yes, the 4 hugs and affection that you witnessed … his pulling her down to the bed to embrace her. Their affair has continued right under your nose. His abuse of your trust is beyond the pale.

He’s such a coward. In your shoes I’d tell him to come pack his things and get out for good.

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/04/2024 18:08

Oh op, I’m so sorry. What a rat. He had an affair, continued to see her (in at least an emotional affair capacity, maybe more). She’s met you! And your children! The coward has run to her no doubt while you read the letter (and his response when he comes back will be determined by their conversation going on right now - ie will she have him, or does he stay with you….) clue: don’t let him dictate things - take control (if it were me, we’d be over, cheating toad!)

Catoo · 04/04/2024 18:10

What are your thoughts OP?
Does it sound like he wants to try with her? Has there been a relationship while he’s been with you that he’s admitted to or has it been a kind of secret thing in his head?

Has he said how long he’s going to give you to read it before he turns up?

Do you feel you want to see him today or do you need more time to calm down?

It’s so hurtful. I think I would want a face to face or phone chat to get the whole story then have him move out for a few days if I needed time to think about it.

💐

Curlyblondefemale · 04/04/2024 18:16

Sorry to hear that op, bloody cheek to act the hero with his 'I tried to make our family work' comment. Completely spineless and she's a complete bitch for playing this game right under your nose. Disgusting behaviour from the pair of them.

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 18:18

Catoo · 04/04/2024 18:10

What are your thoughts OP?
Does it sound like he wants to try with her? Has there been a relationship while he’s been with you that he’s admitted to or has it been a kind of secret thing in his head?

Has he said how long he’s going to give you to read it before he turns up?

Do you feel you want to see him today or do you need more time to calm down?

It’s so hurtful. I think I would want a face to face or phone chat to get the whole story then have him move out for a few days if I needed time to think about it.

💐

I think as far as the letter goes, it sounds like he meant he's just going out to give me space to read the letter and then will be back. I don't think he's gone to her, hell probably be having a panic attack somewhere which isn't out of character

I don't know about a relationship with her. I can't imagine them both having feelings for her, then have sex then want to keep each other in their lives without those feelings still being there?

I just want to scream

OP posts:
MoonWoman69 · 04/04/2024 18:22

He was clearly trying to entice her into bed and it seems to me she was making a joke out of it, because she felt uncomfortable and didn't want to.
Did he know how long you were going to be out for?
Whichever way, he sounds like a sleaze, I'd happily set him free to go do what he wants, because he clearly has no respect for you at all!

Catoo · 04/04/2024 18:25

Does he say if something happened with her while he has been with you? Or did it happen before you were together?

What is your plan when he comes back home?

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 18:30

Catoo · 04/04/2024 18:25

Does he say if something happened with her while he has been with you? Or did it happen before you were together?

What is your plan when he comes back home?

He only met her after we were together so it's during. I'm thinking about the timing so it must have been either just before or during when I was insisting on meeting her. Jesus christ

OP posts:
quizzys · 04/04/2024 18:44

I am so so sorry OP. Men can be absolute bastards ruled by their dicks. That woman is a Jezebel also, a right pair of rats, both of them. I am so angry on your behalf.

There would be no going back on this for me anyway. Go it alone now, as you will never know if and when they will be together, despite gaslighting and promises not to.

You must be so devastated. But channel your anger productively for yourself and your children. Get a friend involved as your confidante, one you can trust absolutely and unload. Flowers

LightSpeeds · 04/04/2024 18:47

I'm so sorry this has happened to you xx

heldinadream · 04/04/2024 18:56

What a horribly shocking thing to happen OP. I'm stunned at his arrogance doing this under your nose.
Hugs. Flowers

Catoo · 04/04/2024 18:56

Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 18:30

He only met her after we were together so it's during. I'm thinking about the timing so it must have been either just before or during when I was insisting on meeting her. Jesus christ

Show quote history

Ok so he has cheated with her.

What a nightmare OP. I’m so sorry.

What do you want to happen next? I expect he will show up soon? Or maybe text you asking if he should come back?
Will you ask for more time or do you just want to rip the plaster off and get the truth out of him tonight?

AGirlWithAHandOnHerArm · 04/04/2024 18:58

This is awful. So sorry OP.

dothehokeycokey · 04/04/2024 19:05

I'm sorry this is happening to you op

I would text him and tell him not to come back home until
You've had space to calm down and get your head around it before you sit together and he tells you absolutely everything and then go from there maybe.

Personally I would be packing his clothes into bags and putting them outside for him to come and collect and locking him out but I have a zero tolerance to any type of infidelity as I think once it's happened once and been forgiven there's always that lack of trust and I wouldn't live like that.

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 19:22

He came back and I just lost it demanding the truth. He's still lying to me or to himself, I don't even know anymore. He got her pregnant and she lost the baby at 8 weeks and he said she was broken. That he offered to tell me at that point but she said she couldn't decide that for him and he said because of wanting our dc to grow up in a family he chose us. I think I'm in some sort of catatonic state because I don't even know where to start to process this. He kept saying that he cares a lot about her but chose us over and over like it matters as she's still there years later. He had no answer when I said if she wasn't worth the risking us and everything to him then why has he risked everything the entire time to keep her in his life?! Because it's obvious why. I've asked him to go as I don't want to even look at him right now

OP posts:
SeismicSalad · 04/04/2024 19:28

I’m so sorry. Sending hugs, although maybe you could do more with a punch bag right now. 😢

MissHarrietBede · 04/04/2024 19:29

He told you all this more for HIS benefit. It's a relief to get nasty secrets off your chest. You are also supposed to be grateful he stayed 'for the family'.

He can FUCK RIGHT OFF.

floraflo · 04/04/2024 19:37

I'm sorry OP. You've done the right thing. You need time away from him to process this. Do you have a close friend or family member to call who can come and be with you? It helps with processing to talk.

Original poster
Imsorrywhat · 04/04/2024 19:37

SeismicSalad · 04/04/2024 19:28

I’m so sorry. Sending hugs, although maybe you could do more with a punch bag right now. 😢

I really could. I feel like smashing everything

OP posts:
ScottishShortie · 04/04/2024 19:40

I feel sick on your behalf this is beyond awful I am beyond sorry for you I would want to smash the place up too
what a disgusting bastard

Duh · 04/04/2024 19:43

I’m so sorry OP. What an absolute bastard.

Catoo · 04/04/2024 19:45

Bloody hell OP. What a piece of work he is.
Has he gone?
Have you got someone who could come over for the night?
💐

Usernamechange1234 · 04/04/2024 19:56

Jeez, I feel sick for you!

He was bringing this woman regularly into your home and around your children? A woman he had an affair with and got pregnant.

Please PLEASE look after yourself. This is a huge shock and this can lead and often does to trauma symptoms.

I actually think this man is one of the lowest I’ve ever read about on MN.

Usernamechange1234 · 04/04/2024 19:57

And yes the ‘I stayed for the family’ card is being dealt so you can consider him a good man, wrestling with his conscience.

He’s not he’s a slimy, cake eating cheat.