Am i losing my mind?

[Imsorrywhat]

I've just had a really horrible shock. My dp and father of my dc had a female friend over in his den/office, has a TV, sofa, guest bed etc in. I've just watched him in lying bed reach out for her and she sat on the bed while he pulled her to him hugging him. Am I in a parallel universe or is that a really weird and inappropriate thing to do?

Women should not have to warn other women off their male partners. The blame lies with the cheating men

To be fair I'd be more worried about what happened before the farewell hug.

Well there’s stupid and thoughtless and then there’s completely bloody disrespectful and suspicious to boot. I personally think the latter and would either a) go mental or b) stay quiet and proceed to do some quiet digging.

He wants an affair. She is unsure. But not that unsure...

If it's uncomfortable and inappropriate for you then it's irrelevant what anyone else thinks - I can imagine that most people would find it so anyway.

Yes I can. He hugs her about 4 times including the weird bed one. He was up with dc in the night and seems to have genuinely gone to sleep afterwards, watching the rest. They hug on the bed then she left after packing her laptop

It sounds very much like he was trying to get her into bed, which she wasn't fully comfortable with.

Whether that's because she didn't want anything to happen with him full stop, or whether she was worried about you coming home is another thing.

Yuck.

That would make my skin crawl.

He was clearly putting the feelers out with his continued hugging to see if she reciprocated and to see if it went any further. Maybe she wasn’t giving off the vibes or maybe they just wouldn’t be so disrespectful as to do it in your house but c’mon OP - there is absolutely no other excuse for this.

I just know he’s going to try and make you seem crazy though…!

It’s an odd one OP. A few too many hugs for my liking!
Maybe he was just being silly and showing off and said he was tired and going to bed and could he get tucked in and a goodnight hug.
Depending on their friendship who knows if this is an odd thing to do? Maybe they’ve had this joke before?
It certainly seems flirty from the outside looking in. But could just be silliness.
If there is no kissing etc for the hour they were there I would think he’s just being daft. But like you, I wouldn’t like it!

💐

Yes a bit too touchy feely. I would not like that.
Is he normally so tactile OP?

Kindly, I suspect you do have an idea

No. Not at all

BTW - my experience of having an affair with a married man:

He told me they were separated and “just living as friends” and I’m afraid to say in my very vulnerable state I fell for it.

And yes he had me round to their house whilst she was at work/working away. When I voiced concerns he assured me she wouldn’t mind as she was dating too and it was definitely over…. all a complete pack of lies I’m afraid. He also started with hugging/kissing me and then I’m afraid I stupidly allowed things to go further.
When I found out she actually thought they were together and happy and had no idea about me (he told me he was moving out to be with me and had told her) I was obviously thoroughly ashamed and in shock but most of all I couldn’t believe he’d had the audacity and callousness to shag me in their bed.

When men want a bit of extra-marital sex they’ll do/say whatever it takes.

Id be interested to hear what he’s telling his “friend” about your situation as another pp pointed out.

I’m not telling you any of this to be cruel OP but I just think if it quacks like a duck etc….

Have you posted about him before? You napping with a baby and then seeing him screwing around on the couch with this female friend or something similar? And maybe one other one about his behaviour with the same friend and him gaslighting you?

If you’re the person I’m thinking of, you really just need to leave this douche. And the questionable female friend doesn’t need to be around your house anymore in the meantime.

It’s not that one. That poster’s partner actually left her for the friend not long after.

Well you have to start watching his every move now OP. Don't let on that you have seen this whatever else you do. It's either something or nothing but if you mention it now, you will never know the truth.

Thanks, I hadn’t seen any more updates on that one.

It’s ridiculous that there’s two douchbags so similar though. OP, the woman in that thread also kept seeing suspicious things between her partner and his “friend” and he kept gaslighting her that it was nothing. He then apparently left her for the friend.

Considering what you’ve seen I would be confronting him the way a previous poster described.

I actually left. He finished work, I handed him the dc and said I need something from Tesco and drove off. I felt so overwhelmed I needed to be away from him and I've been re watching the video in the Tesco car park.

I don't know what to do, wait like some pp say or just go back and confront him which is my instinct as I'm getting angrier reading this thread

I think I’d also be demanding to see his phone (or get in it if you know the code before you disclose the camera info)

If he won’t let you look at their messages you’ll have your answer.

I'd try to play it cool for a few days. Keep watching them and see if anything else happens. He will play it down and make out you're crazy

Stay calm and ask to see his phone if he doesn't give you it - you have your answer. Don't accuse him just say you have seen the video and what does he have to say for himself asking another woman to share his bed. Can he leave/move to a hotel for the night to give you time to think ?

Does he have other opportunities to meet up with her? How do you think they have become so close for this to be normal for them? I think you may have been too trusting letting him have this "friendship" in your home. This is completely on him & he clearly does not respect you- what if your children had seen!

Personally I don’t think I’d need to see anything more than my husband pulling another woman into bed to hug her, but it’s entirely up to you. Him getting into bed fully clothed was really weird and was obviously an attempt to get her to follow him in, where he presumably would have made a move. I’m guessing she realized that and that’s why she went back to the sofa.

We don’t have much context though. Why was she there? How often is this friend hanging around? Has it always been an issue? What additional information would you want, and how would it make a difference?

There's no excuse for what you've seen. It's completely unacceptsble. I'm sorry OP, what an absolute nightmare for you.

I’m guessing you might have told him by now but if you haven’t I would keep watching. They always gaslight and play it off. If you are in anyway conflicted thinking maybe it’s not that bad.. don’t say anything just yet.