Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@RadiantRainbow have you met this men in person? you mentioned you've not kissed yet but wasn't sure if you've met him.

This exactly - it’s so true. They are never interested when you start chasing them.

Some start to lose interest as soon as they have their paw on you.... keep running ladies 😂

@Bluestarling oh you're so true! I have been on two dates with a lovely guy! I really fancy him but not sure if we're suited in other ways, so I find myself holding back. He is so nice and interested and open. It's so refreshing. As soon as I start catching feeling I imagine he will run in the other direction 😂

How you doing @blacksocks33 xxx

I think if someone was waiting for me to chase them they would be waiting a very long time 😅
I have this massive boundary/promise with myself that I can't have people in my life who don't want to be there... so I'll put effort in when I think it's reciprocated but after that I will walk awake.... despite not wanting to 🙈

On a whole other point! Just flicking through bumble and came across a guy I chatted to last summer. We never met up but had really good banter/chat! Our convo just fizzled out tbh after a few weeks of great chat.
Anyway I'm half tempted to send him a message on bumble as a compliment in response to something funny he's put on his bio... just as a bit of banter! Or is that weird?

Aww thank you for asking.
I'm struggling. I've been in a rubbish headspace all week feel like a terrible mum for being so not present during the holidays. I miss chatting with Mr shy and I know I'll find the weekend hard when we would've normally planned to have met up! I'm really shocked at how much this has effected me... I guess I liked him a lot more then I realised :(

How's things for you?

@blacksocks33 sending a massive hug! I totally know how you feel but it will get better I promise. Just from your posts here you sound such a lovely, kind, warm and open person don't let him dull your shine! There will be others and better men, that don't make you question everything xxxx

@blacksocks33 totally message the guy from bumble. If he doesn't reply it wasn't meant to be... if he does.... could be fun.

Yep or as soon as you agree to go on a date with them in my recent run of idiots 😂

It’s really difficult, I know exactly how you feel. Especially when you then get cross thinking of the time you have wasted when you could have been with your kids. So difficult.

@Bestlife18 @mumofoneanddone82
Thank you both. It really does feel so much better to talk it through with people who get it.
I guess I just feel gutted, and I really hope it passes soon :(

So I hadn't matched with last years match, but I sent him a message as a compliment on bumble!
Just thinking though... he'll only see it if he chooses to match with me won't he?

@blacksocks33 ahh that's why I hated Bumble! I hated having to do all the work with little reward... but let's keep the faith

@mumofoneanddone82 yeah I must admit, I'm not a fan of bumble. I think it just gives guys the free pass to be lazy! Who wants to send the first message anyway?!?!
But I do think guys make more of an effort with their profile bios on there.

He actually has already replied to me, so I must've been on his swipe list or something!

@blacksocks33 I'm not sure how the compliments work but I would think he should be able to see it even if he doesn't match. Presumably it's supposed to encourage someone to then match.

Sorry you are feeling so down. I maybe think it is all wrapped up in so much more, the idea & possibility of something meaningful and positive happening. It's just such a roller coaster of emotions. No wonder you feel bereft. Its totally understandable.

@blacksocks33 oh just saw that he has replied, that's good!

@blacksocks33 yay love this for you xxx

We met, spent half a day together, till the last train out of my town. Hugged and kissed hello and goodbye - long hugs and he did say at the end he wanted to kiss me but felt he couldn’t(because his life wasn’t sorted) and his train was pulling up at the station anyway then😀

@RadiantRainbow I wish the best for you, but I'd keep talking to other interesting men in the meantime (until you've at least re-connected and kissed). It's easy to fantasize about a fairytale... (as you may guess, I'm not much of a romantic 😆)

Had my date with Mr Beefy. He's written already to say he'd like another date. He was nice but I just don't fancy him.

Agreed to go on a date with Mr Crash on Monday but had to cancel as I remembered I have a work event that night.

I spoke on a previous thread about having to follow up dates with guys and some people disagreed with me, but I still think if you don't hear from a guy more or less immediately after a date and he isn't proactive in talking - some are bad at texting but then will be organising another real life meeting or a phone call quickly, then he isn't interested enough.

Some people said text and find out, then at least you know. For me 100% you know by the fact that you are having to text. Maybe he is not disinterested as such, but he isn't interested either. Men do typically get a little complacent when a woman takes the reins in organising dates and follow ups.

And with "does he fancy me or not" - the local guy I swiped right on yesterday, we had a couple of momentary interactions before we found ourselves in a situation where we actually went on a walk and chatted a lot (as part of a social group, but it was an extremely slippery walk with climbing over logs and he ended up giving me his hand to hold sometimes because otherwise I was in serious danger of falling into the mud!).

Anyway, he was definitely a little shy, but still in the first two instances when, I now understand he was just checking me out, I still felt there was some interest/kind of like electrical impulse on his side. First time I dismissed it, but second time when it happened even though he was extremely reserved and shy I could TELL he was interested. And when we found ourselves on a walk together(actually he came just for me!) he was practically jumping around me with excitement, it left no room for interpretation, he said some suggestive but non vulgar/slightly poetic things at the end as well :)

(however no match came through from him so who knows but I've now written him off in any case!)
still holding out for my Iron till the end of April...
But also two men in RL on the outskirts of our common social circles have reached out to me today!! I just feel wth, how come when my heart is engaged, other men start popping up 😂
One I don't fancy at all (also he turned out to be 12 years younger than me! I thought he was about 7 years younger hmmm), that was awkward that he is interested, the other one asked me out ages ago and I said not ready to date...still he isn't my type but he is just a lovely guy, might say yes to going for a coffee...just to keep myself busy. Potentially don't really fancy him either, but I have an excuse now where I can turn him down saying interested in someone else right now...

Actually I can't remember looking back on all of my life where a guy was obviously interested in me and I was still left guessing whether he was... In my experience you are guessing, he isn't interested enough.

Hi all,

Sorry for not posting regularly. I have been so busy, I'd forgot my own head if it wasn't screwed on 🤪

@SamW98 Welcome back! Fingers crossed there's that diamond in the rough on FB Dating.

@blacksocks33 Don't feel embarrassed. Sometimes we don't have to know someone for a long time but losing them hurts a lot. Grief comes and it goes in waves. No advice, just let it all out and process it and we will be here.

@pepsimaxedout How have you been holding up? I hope all is well on your end xx

He sounds a bit defensive - might mean he's been single for ages

Haha, I am normally not a romantic either, but so many crazy coincidences already happened and so much had to be overcome to even just fit that one meeting in, it looked like there would be no chance with him working, then me leaving for Easter hols with the kids, then him leaving the country etc, and we found out so many similar things/events about each other's life it's kind of hard to not read anything into it.

I wasn't doubting that he was likely to fall for me, but for me to get so invested when I was only looking for an intelligent FWB is so unexpected (he absolutely isn't a FWB material either!).
However I've accepted it as a fact, that there is a potential for feelings there, and of course it means potential heartbreak, but to be honest I am excited because I've discovered I am not as much of a cynical Ice Queen as I thought I was and actually am capable of feeling the feelings and appreciating having them in my life! I thought there is no room in my life for a relationship, full stop, and now I realise it was a matter of a right person.
I waited quite a long time to be ready to date(2 years), can now after 2.5 months of dating take a break of 3-4 weeks for the right person...if it doesn't work out, so what, I wouldn't have swiped for a month or so...at least I would know more about myself. Plus I am not discarding offers of meet ups in the wild if I feel a person is potentially nice, might end up filing someone away for the future 😄

So my "Mr last year" has been great on the messages! Actually replying which has enabled a conversation! Can you believe it?! It's a welcome distraction and I already feel better then I did a few hours ago. Whether this will go anywhere or not... I really don't know that it will, but it's nice to chat to someone regardless.

Thank you all so much for the support. It really does help to have people to talk to. I feel like I've broken all the rules of the dating thread so I'm sorry 🙈