Page 10 | Dating Thread 247

SamW98 · 2024-03-30T19:18:13+00:00

Continued from 246 The Rules: 1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 1. Develop a thick skin. 1. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 1. It's all BS until it actually happens. 1. Trust your gut instinct. 1. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 1. Know your worth. 1. If it's not fun, stop. 1. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

cassiatwenty · 03/04/2024 23:30

I have been chasing cold and uncommunicative men because for far too long because I thought that idea of Stoicism meant he was 'strong'.

But then again, growing up with that idea that it was exciting to be with someone cool/cold.

There was also safety in that because you don't have to deal with 'cold' men reciprocating feelings to you.

But in reality, there are not many perks being with somone 'cold' if you need friendship and love. Now if someone is cold and aloof, I accept it, and move on.

Whereas being with soneone real means it's only fair to be there for them, too, and support them when they are having a bad day.

When a guy is giving me this vibe, I like it 😁

cassiatwenty · 03/04/2024 23:44

Chocolatefreak · 03/04/2024 22:51

Had my date with Mr Beefy. He's written already to say he'd like another date. He was nice but I just don't fancy him.

Agreed to go on a date with Mr Crash on Monday but had to cancel as I remembered I have a work event that night.

Fingers crossed that something nice comes out of your date with Mr Crash when you two get to meet 🤞

blacksocks33 · 03/04/2024 23:50

RadiantRainbow · 03/04/2024 23:05

I spoke on a previous thread about having to follow up dates with guys and some people disagreed with me, but I still think if you don't hear from a guy more or less immediately after a date and he isn't proactive in talking - some are bad at texting but then will be organising another real life meeting or a phone call quickly, then he isn't interested enough.

Some people said text and find out, then at least you know. For me 100% you know by the fact that you are having to text. Maybe he is not disinterested as such, but he isn't interested either. Men do typically get a little complacent when a woman takes the reins in organising dates and follow ups.

And with "does he fancy me or not" - the local guy I swiped right on yesterday, we had a couple of momentary interactions before we found ourselves in a situation where we actually went on a walk and chatted a lot (as part of a social group, but it was an extremely slippery walk with climbing over logs and he ended up giving me his hand to hold sometimes because otherwise I was in serious danger of falling into the mud!).

Anyway, he was definitely a little shy, but still in the first two instances when, I now understand he was just checking me out, I still felt there was some interest/kind of like electrical impulse on his side. First time I dismissed it, but second time when it happened even though he was extremely reserved and shy I could TELL he was interested. And when we found ourselves on a walk together(actually he came just for me!) he was practically jumping around me with excitement, it left no room for interpretation, he said some suggestive but non vulgar/slightly poetic things at the end as well :)

(however no match came through from him so who knows but I've now written him off in any case!)
still holding out for my Iron till the end of April...
But also two men in RL on the outskirts of our common social circles have reached out to me today!! I just feel wth, how come when my heart is engaged, other men start popping up 😂
One I don't fancy at all (also he turned out to be 12 years younger than me! I thought he was about 7 years younger hmmm), that was awkward that he is interested, the other one asked me out ages ago and I said not ready to date...still he isn't my type but he is just a lovely guy, might say yes to going for a coffee...just to keep myself busy. Potentially don't really fancy him either, but I have an excuse now where I can turn him down saying interested in someone else right now...

Actually I can't remember looking back on all of my life where a guy was obviously interested in me and I was still left guessing whether he was... In my experience you are guessing, he isn't interested enough.

I do agree with what you're saying, but because I'm not the most forward person, I don't think we should write everyone off straight away... unless you need a forward person of course!
Not everyone is great at texting or they may reserve themselves more in the early days for their own reasons. I'm not saying that's right or ideal, I'm just saying it doesn't always mean they're not interested.
Obviously Mr shy wasn't interested in me and he gave me very mixed signals! I think we just need to remember that everyone is different and go with your gut! ☺️

mumofoneanddone82 · 04/04/2024 07:29

@blacksocks33 my best bit of dating advice is when someone has made you feel sad, get back on the apps! There is always someone funnier, more attractive and more exciting to discover! And a distraction is the best way to get over someone.... sending loads of happy vibes to you.

I think I'm seeing my date from last weekend this weekend. I'm still not sure whether I want anything to progress with him but he has this lovely, kind, honest, way about him. Weird as just feel safe around him. I think all the trauma I've suffered over the last four years, I could do with being treated well and kindly and I find him so attractive (a therapist would have a field day with me). But it's just our interests and backgrounds don't seem to gel and I worry in a few months time once the initial dopamine hit wears off I will end up in a situation I don't want to be with. I'm happy to just go with the flow, but he seems a little more intense. Sorry for long explanation this early on haha.

Loopylooni · 04/04/2024 07:52

I agree with @RadiantRainbow in that if they like you after the first date, you'll know. Anyone I've had to text first, has ended up ghosting me later on down the line.

@blacksocks33 best of luck with your new chat.

Not sure i agree with always running as we think men like to chase. I enjoy stability and security myself and if a man finds it boring that I'm there, then we really aren't suited. I do think it's important to have your own life/friends and hobbies though but for me, it's important that I have someone I can rely on in my relationship.

Bluestarling · 04/04/2024 08:24

RadiantRainbow · 03/04/2024 23:05

I spoke on a previous thread about having to follow up dates with guys and some people disagreed with me, but I still think if you don't hear from a guy more or less immediately after a date and he isn't proactive in talking - some are bad at texting but then will be organising another real life meeting or a phone call quickly, then he isn't interested enough.

Some people said text and find out, then at least you know. For me 100% you know by the fact that you are having to text. Maybe he is not disinterested as such, but he isn't interested either. Men do typically get a little complacent when a woman takes the reins in organising dates and follow ups.

And with "does he fancy me or not" - the local guy I swiped right on yesterday, we had a couple of momentary interactions before we found ourselves in a situation where we actually went on a walk and chatted a lot (as part of a social group, but it was an extremely slippery walk with climbing over logs and he ended up giving me his hand to hold sometimes because otherwise I was in serious danger of falling into the mud!).

Anyway, he was definitely a little shy, but still in the first two instances when, I now understand he was just checking me out, I still felt there was some interest/kind of like electrical impulse on his side. First time I dismissed it, but second time when it happened even though he was extremely reserved and shy I could TELL he was interested. And when we found ourselves on a walk together(actually he came just for me!) he was practically jumping around me with excitement, it left no room for interpretation, he said some suggestive but non vulgar/slightly poetic things at the end as well :)

(however no match came through from him so who knows but I've now written him off in any case!)
still holding out for my Iron till the end of April...
But also two men in RL on the outskirts of our common social circles have reached out to me today!! I just feel wth, how come when my heart is engaged, other men start popping up 😂
One I don't fancy at all (also he turned out to be 12 years younger than me! I thought he was about 7 years younger hmmm), that was awkward that he is interested, the other one asked me out ages ago and I said not ready to date...still he isn't my type but he is just a lovely guy, might say yes to going for a coffee...just to keep myself busy. Potentially don't really fancy him either, but I have an excuse now where I can turn him down saying interested in someone else right now...

Actually I can't remember looking back on all of my life where a guy was obviously interested in me and I was still left guessing whether he was... In my experience you are guessing, he isn't interested enough.

100% with you on this. No contact to me means they're not that into you.

friendswiththemonstera · 04/04/2024 10:23

I'm meeting someone new tonight (Mr Oz). He has a couple of times told me how much he is looking forward to it and I'm not really sure - some pics are ok but some I don't think he looks attractive to me. Same old story! Meanwhile Mr Sneaker is selfie-ing away and messaging me quite a lot from holiday. I really want to like him so I'm still hoping the third date goes well. If it does then I'll probably cut all the rest off at that point.

I'm pausing my profiles because I've already got too many people on the go, it's burning me out and I'm worried I'm being unfair to people / not getting interested because I'm talking to too many different people. It's a fine balance between not being over invested but being sufficiently invested to be interested!

Weirdly I'm also about to go meet an ex from a really long time ago who reached out to me out of nowhere. Pretty sure we would never get back together though...

I am a very direct person so I will ask if someone hasn't asked me for a date / second date, but if they're lukewarm about arranging something I generally lose interest anyway. I agree that if someone is keen they'll make the effort.

User990 · 04/04/2024 12:50

I agree that men would ask out again if interested. For the first date, I've nudged a few men to the right direction, shall we say, but I think that's slightly different.

blacksocks33 · 04/04/2024 12:52

@friendswiththemonstera selfying away 🙈😂 I'm sorry that made me laugh!

So Mr last year was a great chat last night... it does feel weird though talking to him again? I don't think that's going to go any further. I remember last year he was a chatterbox but never showed any interest in dating so I drifted away. I have thought about him every now and again though so will see. I think it's definitely friendzone banter!

Had a match with someone else who has replied, hurray! Just noticed though that he smokes and I feel gives stoner vibes from his pics (hope that isn't offensive to anyone!!) and that's just not my thing. My ex used to smoke weed for a period of time and it's just not my vibe at all so not sure I want to continue talking to him!

Other then that, still feeling sad about Mr shy. It's coming up to a week now so hopefully next week will be like a turning point. I have been chatting to my friend at work about what I feel sad about and I think I just felt a bit led on with him talking about future dates etc, as someone else said, I feel like the rug was pulled from my feet and I'm still struggling with that!

Original poster

SamW98 · 04/04/2024 12:58

Had a friends funeral yesterday - she was only on her 50’s so been feeling a bit subdued recently.

But this morning I’ve starts wading my way through well over 200 likes on FB dating I didn’t know were there.

Tbh so far it’s the usual collection of overweight pasty faced 5’4 pensioners posing topless holding a giant fish with the odd possibility.
Though already the top class ‘hi’ or 👋 messages appearing - and being instantly deleted. If they can’t be arsed to read a profile or type a few words than they’re too low bar imo.

OP posts:

Chocolatefreak · 04/04/2024 13:20

@cassiatwenty thanks, I will see if Mr Crash is even willing to meet, he seems a bit over-sensitive. I'd like to meet him though because he was so nice and thoughtful while chatting. I've now suggested Tuesday, let's see.

Have also just realised I can't invite Mr B over when he's next back from travelling, which is annoying. Hard to keep something going when we see each other so rarely. But he's always enthusiastically responsive.

@friendswiththemonstera sounds promising with Mr Sneaker, he's obviously thinking of you! I've also just paused Hinge and deleted Bumble, have too much work atm to spend time on apps.

@SamW98 sorry to hear about your friend. Good luck with the wading - your description is hilarious as usual!

User990 · 04/04/2024 15:16

@SamW98 sorry for your loss!

Bestlife18 · 04/04/2024 16:55

SamW98 · 04/04/2024 12:58

Had a friends funeral yesterday - she was only on her 50’s so been feeling a bit subdued recently.

But this morning I’ve starts wading my way through well over 200 likes on FB dating I didn’t know were there.

Tbh so far it’s the usual collection of overweight pasty faced 5’4 pensioners posing topless holding a giant fish with the odd possibility.
Though already the top class ‘hi’ or 👋 messages appearing - and being instantly deleted. If they can’t be arsed to read a profile or type a few words than they’re too low bar imo.

Edited

This made me laugh - I found that just the dregs of society tbh. Hopeful start then they all vanished or turned weird. I deleted it fast! Your description is so apt though the flabby short pensioners with fish 🤣

Mountainormolehills · 04/04/2024 18:42

I met up briefly with Mr TV for a quick tea before he met his friend - oh wow he did not disappoint! A gentleman without being contrived, stimulating conversation, well dressed and my goodness those arms!
Not contacting him first, as per @RadiantRainbow ‘s advice, so updating here and my 1 friend who knows (since I told everyone I wasn’t dating, technically Feeld is FWB not dating)

Mountainormolehills · 04/04/2024 23:06

And I did indeed get a very sweet message from him, which I responded to, I’m really trying to just let him come to me. We had already made plans for next Friday before we met today and as we were walking out he asked if I was still good with those plans - it’s nice to not second guess but with a FWB situation I think clear communication is key. Just hoping that he’s not a dick like so many others I’ve met 😂

RadiantRainbow · 04/04/2024 23:30

@Mountainormolehills yay on plans being made!!

I had a local guy who asked me out 1.5 year ago come out of the woodwork and suddenly reach out (at the time I said I was too recently split up and not looking to date but also though liked him enough as a person totally didn’t fancy him).

He then got into a relationship, even moved in with someone else, we occasionally chatted on WhatsApp for a bit but then last I heard from him was a happy new year message for 2023.

He has contacted me on FB and he looks so different in the latest pic - much better.

I said to him I had too much talking online in my life and does he want to meet up as friends. He immediately responded that he was single now but a relationship was the last thing he was looking for, he never wants one again 😂

Continued chatting on WhatsApp a little more last night and I could feel his tone changing a little, towards getting charmed by me (and I really wasn’t looking to charm him, just being myself, but he is very geeky and I seem to be irresistible for some reason for geeky types)

Anyway, arranged to meet up early next week, he will help to distract me so that I don’t feel too mopey about my iron who I have things on hold with.

Didn’t expect to hear from Mr Geek until we meet but he just started WhatsApping again and actually making me laugh.
I think I could see myself liking him far more, but because I can see his FB …he RANTS there a lot, a lot, about f*cking Tories and Brexiteers, posts lots of Star Treky types memes there too, and that’s a side of him I find slightly alien and off putting.

But with me he is different (obviously) - relaxed and far more “boyish” in his vibe.

Anyway, treating him as an entertaining friendly distraction but will make it clear that’s I am not after more than that and then it’s up to him if he wants to risk developing feelings (he did make it clear he fancied me back when he asked me out first time round, and at the time recently split up I looked rough, man! My physical health and fitness were on the floor.
So now looking and feeling so much better I am wary of him being attracted even more, but decided to just go with the flow)

Mountainormolehills · 04/04/2024 23:42

That’s great @RadiantRainbow another iron!
We had already said about next Friday but today was a ‘bonus date’ and also good to test the water. I was fed up with dating so I’m a lot more vigilant with red flags and actually doing something about them so I’m definitely wary, especially as we clearly have a strong mutual attraction, I don’t want to excuse bad behaviour.

Do you have plans to meet Mr Geek?

Mountainormolehills · 04/04/2024 23:43

I’ve just seen you have plans to meet - awesome!

RadiantRainbow · 04/04/2024 23:55

@Mountainormolehills

he isn’t really an iron 😁 but I think he will be an entertaining distraction.

I very much doubt I would want to have sex with him, if I meet him again and there’s something there, I would certainly consider it, I don’t feel myself beholden to the iron who put me on hold 😀

But will report how it goes next week…

Crushed23 · 05/04/2024 08:03

I haven’t been on the thread for a while - I hope everyone is doing well!

I didn’t have a single date in March (in fact, I’ve only had one date so far in 2024…) so I’m hoping April goes a bit better.

I’ve got a medical procedure next week and once that’s out of the way I’m going to be more proactive on Hinge and try to arrange a couple of dates.

cassiatwenty · 05/04/2024 09:44

Welcome back @Crushed23 it's good to see you around. More than welcome to share your stories and hang out and all the best with your procedure

blacksocks33 · 05/04/2024 16:06

Hi everyone!
Who has exciting dates happening this weekend?
Feels strange and a bit sad not having lined up after the past couple months of things feeling back to back. Nothing exciting going on online dating at all.
All the guys in my criteria just seem the same.... still on the search for Mr down-to-earth-nice-healthy-happy-guy!

librauk · 05/04/2024 18:39

I am having a break from the apps
Apart from Match, nothing is very active
And I may subscribe, if a decent offer comes along .
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend, if the weather plays ball lol .

Original poster

SamW98 · 05/04/2024 20:27

There’s some deluded men out there on OLD

Just seen a profile of a chubby bald 62 year old saying looking for a FWB 45 or younger and no bigger then size 10 - good luck there mate 🤣

OP posts:

mumofoneanddone82 · 05/04/2024 21:33

Ladies have a third date tomorrow with the lovely guy! Looking forward to seeing him, but worried he wants more than I do. I do like him but can't see this going to anything serious ever (I know it's only three dates but he keeps telling me how he's had a spring in his step since he's met me etc. And mentioned not talking to anyone else on apps. I'm not either but not ready to delete so soon)! The prospect of someone possibly wanting something serious with me anytime soon has freaked me out! I think in all honesty I'd rather a FWB situation with some nice meals out! And after reading another thread on here earlier, I don't think i ever want to introduce a man into my life with my daughter who is still young. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest!