Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Block him.

I definitely agree about the not playing games. I was given terrible advice by a friend re playing hard to get. I relied on her judgement rather than my own as I had so little confidence coming out of a long and abusive marriage.
But I didn’t pause to think that she had a terrible relationship history herself and no serious relationship for several years despite being in numerous dating sites…

First rule of modern dating don't take any advice from friends who are coupled up or married! They really don't have a clue about the modern dating landscape!

Heard from Mr C! It was brief and told me his work is really affecting him. Tried to offer help and support and he said he really appreciated me caring blah blah blah! Then he left me on read! All seems too much, so I'm stepping back! If he feels better and can give me a bit more he knows where I am.

always watch the actions. If they make an effort great. But if I see the conversation sliding I do the same. I never question if the messages stop. It’s different if it’s a boyfriend who backs off I would have that conversation.
@librauk yes I would block I have a few that like my profile on repeat. One is a guy I vaguely know he used to date a school run mum! Another I matched with but was very odd. I even block my exs friends if I see their profiles..,

I'm glad he reached out but rubbish that it means he's left you on read again!
I think we're so conditioned to think people will behave shitty that it's hard to believe when they're being genuine! Is this a temp rusty situation with work so you know?

Not sure how I feel about this so wanted some opinions

Been chatting to a bloke for a week snd he’s asked if I’m free to meet the weekend. I’ve said I’m free Sunday and he’s replied ‘great you tell me where and what time and I’ll be there’

My immediate thoughts is it’s a bit low effort and putting it on me to sort. But I could be reading it wrong.

We live about 45 minutes apart so midway would work best so think it’s a mutual decision as to where we meet seeing as it’ll be an unfamiliar area to us both.

Am I reading too much into it?

@SamW98
Sounds ok
I would, suggest like you said, meet halfway way,
Have a few options, see what he says ??

It just sounds like he wants to meet, so he's asking what works best for you so he can accommodate you better? That's my take on it. @SamW98

Ahh yes it's annoying when they put it on you but he does sound keen! I would maybe go in....
"Xxxx is about half way, do you fancy meeting there" and see how the conversation goes!

I have ZERO conversations at the minute 😞

Hes mentioned an area that’s midway but still insisting I choose the venue. I’ve explained I dont know the area but he’s just putting it back on me to find somewhere - I’m already stressing!!

Its much more difficult when they’re not local I think.

Thos is why I’ve had so few dates. I just get to this stage and go into panic mode

@SamW98 I realise now this is so low effort and off putting! I'm with you, he should want to make more effort especially for a first date

@blacksocks33 yes! It was a really nice message as well. So just to not acknowledge it because he's not feeling great is just rude!!! I've started to swipe again! It feels a bit like cheating... but to be honest I'm not going to wait around to find out he might actually want to make any kind of effort again!

Im going to go against the grain and say he's just being easy going and relaxed/non pushy. Ive had dates which have been well arranged and still nothing has come of it. I just think its worth meeting him

Hello... can I join please? Just dipping my toe in the world of on-line dating. I'm 52 so prob a little older than the rest of you though 🤦‍♀️

Welcome @CM97 I think there are a few of us around your age (I am 46) this is a lively chat we are all really supportive so feel free to share!

Welcome @CM97
I am 61 😊

I thought that this was an interesting perspective of how men and women judge each other....It has some resonance!

What do you think?

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@Dauntedbydating how depressing! I'm now worried whether I'm in that middle box!

@CM97 I’m pushing 50 so you’re not alone!

I'm 53 @CM97 !

Am only talking to 2 people. (Both with beards - tbh all the people I talk to could be called Mr Beard, so I'll have to come up with something to distinguish them). One has disappeared to Italy (he's italian) and the other tried to bring the conversation to sex, so I had to shut him down. So not brilliant prospects here.

In other news my ex (not the recent one, but my long term relationship before that) looked at my profile on Match. That gave me a bit of a jolt.

@blacksocks33 I think that message is ok too - he's being keen which is a good thing! You can let him arrange date 2 if it gets to that...

Not been here for a while, as not been dating! However went in an app last night and got chatting to someone who seemed gentle and genuine. He’s a landscape gardener. However, after saying my garden was embarrassingly neglected, he said “does your garden need a trim? Sorry couldn’t resist”

I don’t find that funny and I’m frankly disappointed. The conversation was completely innocuous until then. Am I being too harsh?

Does match tell you if you click on a profile?! 😨

I'm going to subscribe this weekend as just having a few days breather....

We'll sort of. Still semi swiping on tinder and bumble and it's complete tumble weed!!!!

Yes it does - and he would have known that! (When I first went on in October (we broke up in August), I did click on his without knowing that and I was kicking myself!).

tbh Match is a bit rubbish - I've accidentally paid for 6 months and haven't seen anyone worth chatting to.