Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@mumofoneanddone82 oh no sorry to hear that! If you've been speaking and texting every day and going on regular dates, I could see how 2 days of silence would concern you.

Perhaps he just needs a bit of space if the relationship has been moving and developing quickly, and he will contact you later this week?

@Starseeking thanks lovely! Who knows... he was really nice and consistent and reassuring (not in a love bombing way) but who knows! How are you and how is dating? Sorry have fallen off the thread so need to know everyone's details? Xxx

@mumofoneanddone82 ahhh yes, totally get why you feel that way! It can't just be one sided support can it! It doesn't take long to send a quick message checking in and over the space of a couple days he really should have!
If he doesn't come back to you with an explanation in the next day or so this is absolutely NOT ok!

I ended it with Mr beard. He honestly was such a lovely person? You could tell her had great intentions, which enforces more why I couldn't go on another date. I didn't feel any spark at all, and it wouldn't be fair to lead him on. I feel like Mr shy really led me down the garden path last month and o didn't deserve it so maybe that's why I'm more aware of how dating can make the other person feel! I reeeaaaalllllyyyyy want that excited feeling!

@blacksocks33 oh gosh that's so annoying! Third time lucky maybe... and yes! When you're treated like crap by one bloke, it really makes you think about how you treat and communicate with others! Not sure they always deserve it though

@mumofoneanddone82 I agree with if he wanted to, he would.

When we (girls) want to, we are nearly have to sit on our hands not to overwhelm the guy with wanting to connect, and for men at least initially, just for biological reasons this urge is even stronger, so if it is not there, trying to chase it is just damaging for our self esteem. I don't believe in forcing connections, if it's not working out the other party might be not mature enough or just ready for a real normal and healthy relationship...that's the reason they usually go quiet when things turn serious.

@RadiantRainbow Men can get overwhelming, too. When they are sexually suggestive or full-on but they don't know much about you. That's why it's creepy, because it doesn't make much sense to express your primal needs to a stranger.

I do think people inherently have this belief that "hard to get" people/jobs/friends/unis are better because they represent a challenge.

And when people are presented with a challenge, they tend to be more motivated on working towards a goal.

On the other hand, it's really nice to have an easy situation or friendship with someone. Sometimes friendships and dates and jobs come easy but they are really worthwhile.

@cassiatwenty i absolutely hate this 'hard to get' mentality. It smacks of game playing (which im terrible at). This idea that we have to not be too keen/enthusiastic in case someone gets put off. Or just be aloof or cool about things. TBH my best dates were when we were both excited to see each other and these did tend to end in relationships. I think you dont need to play games because the underlying point is you are attracted to that person so they excite you and thrill you by who they are inside, plus i like that sense of calm of being with someone i can feel myself with.

@mumofoneanddone82 I didn't realise you had already messaged him in that case leave it to see if he contacts you!

@Loopylooni I agree with you 100%

@Loopylooni And I love that sense of calm of being with someone i can feel myself with, well said

10000000% agree with this!

When I seek dating advice from my couple friends they are always enforcing playing hard to get because men like to "chase". I absolutely don't want to be with someone who wants to chase me or play games with me. I want to be with someone where it doesn't matter who text last or who asked for the last date. Just normal, consistent effort. I am so turned off by games. I just won't play anymore!!!

Spot on! Women give bad dating advice to women. I ask you, why would any man want you to make it harder to get to know you? Would you like a man to do this with you? Of course not. Forming a worthwhile relationship is hard enough. This train of thought implies women are the prize, whereas 'when it's right', both win. Two things: 1. You like to be chased, why wouldn't you? 2. The man that likes to chase (if he exists) is a psycho. Think again... Advice like the above comes via the ways women compete. Somebody secretly wants you single.

It's so true! For me the most exciting part of dating is when you're both excited and on the same page! When someone drops off, it's rude and just poor manners! If you're not feeling it just communicate those things! I hate that we're expected to play mind games and be aloof!

@SomeTrashBloke So you're no longer looking for a woman to gift you a Bugatti and a Rolex watch? 😉 🤴

It's wrong to assume this advise comes from just women and that's what I was referring to tbh.
I was talking to my two straight male friends at work the other day who were telling me to not text some guy again as men like to chase.

@blacksocks33 I think there are men who like all that, but essentially i feel they want a trophy/prize. Everyone wants someone they can be proud to be with. But i just think one should be proud of their partner for who they are inside/what they bring to one's life in terms of fun and stability. Honestly, my friends who follow these types of rules, always find themselves with very turbulent/anxiety ridden relationships with men. That just isnt what im looking for. Im at my complete best/A game when im in something stable/good comms.

Well all the so-called dating gurus tell you to be "high value" which I guess means not chasing.

@mumofoneanddone82 have you heard from him yet? I had a similar experience but I was dating for 4 months. He picked the time I had just decided I would let myself fall in love with him. I think it terrified him and I was dumped out of the blue. I think in retrospect he is a complete avoidant - the signs were there actually, but I didn't see them.

@Realdeal1 yeah I agree. There a lot to game players out there, but we just have to be true to our selves and not get drawn into it!

@HelenHywater no, not at all! I didn't actually tell him all my feelings I just was a bit more receptive to all the nice, positive things he was saying. If I don't hear back by EOP today I'll chalk it up and start looking for another emotional fuck wit! 😂

@HelenHywater also, I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Seriously, best advice to keep your heart under lock and key until they are eating out of your hand! How you do that, I have no idea!

@HelenHywater maybe it does work for some. My friend subscribes to that theory, so she expects a super fancy dinner out on a first date always. She's extremely attractive but always attracts men (handsome ones are her type!) who see her as a trophy but dont eventually want more than sex tbh.

I guess this could be replaced by the idea that you want someone with decent self esteem rather than someone who sees themselves as something lower than others. All i know is im me and i value stability above everything and then as a result im at my best and can be the best partner. When im anxious and unsure, its awful.

I was going to pause with dating at the end of this month, but I've already stopped, as I'm soooooooooooooo sick of swiping! Attending a couple of real-life professional events over the coming weeks so going to keep my eyes peeled at those

Tbh I have zero interest in dating experts and ‘the rules’ - it all smacks of game playing imo and I’m too long on the tooth for that BS.

I don’t chase men and I’ll fade away if I sense losing interest but I can’t be doing with all this wait x days to text, only have dates in x place, let them call the shots etc. Go with your gut and do what’s right for you not sone up arbitrary so called riles.

@SamW98 I totally get it! Say what you feel and act how you want xxx

Think I am being stalked on Match
This one guy, keeps viewing my profile
I have actually met him, was about 2 yrs ago
When I was on the apps before, he was nice to chat too, we were still in covid at the time, me met up briefly for a walk n chat, but to be honest, I did not feel comfortable in person with him, so I did not continue contact with him . WWYD ??