Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@blacksocks33 have you heard from him today?

I am slowing right down on comms with Mr Crash just to see if he initiates a convo after Friday's successful date. You all made me feel I should be less energetic about making the moves and waiting to see if there's more oomph from him.

Meanwhile Mr B is being his usual easygoing charming self. He knows we can't meet for sex this week since my son is with me but still wants to meet for dinner. I like him and he's fun and charming but- he's just asked if I want to go to a sex club with him!!!!

@2anddone nope! It's just bizarre isn't it... to ask someone for a date and then blank them 🙈
It's such a massive turn off for me though... unless he texts me and acknowledges the radio silence I will be cancelling! Definitely not sitting around all week waiting, I've done this before and it's just not healthy!

Obviously I'm not unreasonable though, there's perfectly good reasons why people don't text etc and I don't want or need someone texting me all the time. I just recognise this pattern and I have no patience anymore for it!

I just have not other exciting chats going on though :( since rejoining in Jan, I coudl literally count on one hand how many significant chats I've had! I don't know what I'm doing wrong?!

I think I'm going to subscribe to match in the hope that people paying may be more chatty!

Well after a promising chat Friday I’ve not heard a word from Mr T but if I’m honest I’ve not thought about him since which is probably a sign I’m not that bothered.

It’s tumbleweed for me since my break. Other than the time waster and this one, I’ve drawn a blank with any chats trying a couple of messages.

I’m just seeing the sane faces over and over again and no one grabbing my attention.

I have thought about trying Match for a month but my previous experience with Ourtime (the over 50’s site of Match) was so horrific it’s put me off.

Plus I’ve got to be honest other than the odd thing I miss, I’m really not overly bothered. I’ve got loads coming up and very few free weekends now going into summer.

Morning all
The one from last week, I think he suffers from mental health issues ?
Not sure how to deal with that ? In a message last night he said he had went to a men's group, and he needs to clear his head .

From the 3 I matched on B last night, one had a great chat with, lots in comman, but he lives 45 min drive, he doesn't drive 🤦‍♀️ and got young kids, so possibly not going to pursue further .

2 has not replied To my message, even though, his opening message was good ?

Last one was good chat, he at work , all day and told me no comms, but conversation was left with he would be in touch, when work finished, so will see .

It's a lovely day, off to walk my dog, hope you all have a good day .

Mr Crash has messaged me. It's only a conversational opener but I feel weirdly satisfied he finally took the initiative!

Tumbleweed for me too @SamW98. I actually deleted my match profile on Sunday. Had another week left on it but I was so fed up and the relief I felt was all I needed to know that it was time for a break.

I am still on Bumble but have cancelled the subscription for that, it ends in a few days so going to keep that going as it's super slow anyway so chances of anything happening next to nothing.

I still don't really understand how Bumble works. I don't seem to have a search function as in I get shown possible matches but they have all already liked my profile. I don't seem to have very many at all that I can like first. Maybe just a sign there are very few in my age range/ location. Or maybe it's just how it works. Not sure which is worse. I think probably Bumble for me in terms of match being much busier.

Sorry for those whose chats have disappeared or not progressing well. It's very difficult. Mr A disappeared for me but I was expecting it, I did wonder if he was actually single. So many variables as to why some chats just stop. Very frustrating but I have been guilty of the slow fade myself so I can't really complain.

Think I’m going to keep the free versions of bumble and hinge ticking over in background but not put too much time in.

Checking my calendar after this weekend, next time I’ve got a full free one with nothing planned is 11 May then not again til 29 June Thats problem being single I’ve made such a busy social life for myself I don’t have time for a man - not that I’m complaining!

Yeah you're right, I think we're all guilty of slow fading/ghosting to a certain degree. And tbh, before any dating, whilst it can be disappointing, I guess it's just one of those things! But after dates there's no excuse in my eyes!

Me beard has actually just messaged me. Not commented on the radio silence and suggested somewhere to meet on Sunday.
So now I'm not sure. Part of me wonders if I want to get involved in someone with communication like that... but then I think, what do I have to loose?
But then also, he's not obliged to text me everyday and I don't know what his lifestyle is like... but also, but rude isn't it!

I have to say that although I had a nice chat with Mr T on Friday when I thought about it there were several pink (rather than red) flags that just made me think he’s not a good match.

The serial short term relationships was the main one - he said since his divorce he’s had ‘quite a few’ 3/6 month relationships. Also the fact he’s got an old dog who can’t be left more than a few hours without a sitter.

So I don’t think we’ll be meeting up tbh and I doubt I’ll hear from him again.

There's nothing wrong with saying to someone that you like to have regular contact. Don't be afraid of telling someone what you need/like.

I agree with @ChampagneNightmares

@blacksocks33 I agree with you, it takes 10 seconds to let someone know you're busy.

Perhaps you can tactfully communicate and say that you appreciate his messages, and if he gets busy that you'd appreciate him quickly letting you know via text so you don't worry too much.

We all need reassurance once in a while.

@Chocolatefreak Happy that Mr. Crash took the initiative And good that Mr. B is communicating with you and being transparent.

@cassiatwenty I ditched a nice bloke cos he wasn't messaging me enough but I never really told him what I wanted. I still kick myself over it all now! So much of the problems with OLD come from people not communicating properly. And I include myself in that!

@ChampagneNightmares Me too, I know exactly what you mean. I'm learning to communicate too about my needs, and learning how to be more assertive. I have to keep reminding myself that people can't give you what you want/need if they don't know what you want and need. Still learning myself how to communicate effectively.

Oh yes about communication! When I came out of my long marriage I had not a clue about dating protocol -WhatsApp did not exist when so had last dated!!! If I only I had found you lovely people then would not have made such a hash of it!

@VanillaSox I just saw this and it made me think of you

https://youtube.com/shorts/pAqkInmZKkE?feature=shared

@NervesofCotton How have you been doing dear? I hope all is well

@VanillaSox

Same , was burnt many times 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Still feel uncomfortable when they ask to go over to what's app.

Awww thank you all for the messages!
Tbh I don't want someone to be texting me all the time... I don't have that much to say! I'd rather just a coup texts in the evening and that be that. With previous matches when we've had a day time text chain going on I've found it really overwhelming and almost conshiming! So I don't think I need more communication... it's just when people become I predictable that I don't like which I think is why I was annoyed yesterday!
I agree with you all though, clear communication about what you want is key. It doesn't feel right to being that up now though as I've never even met him!

I've just had a therapy session and brought up this situation. I think I'm projecting previous grumbles and anxiety on this stranger and it's making me feel under pressure! Does anyone else do this?

Im still going to go ahead with the date because what do I have to loose? I have zero expectations though! I hope im presently suprised!

Hi just reading everyone’s updates agree with the communication thing. I have unmatched a few as feel I am making all the effort. I paid for a week on tinder and bumble. I have been surprised lots of likes on tinder and about 4/5 decent ish conversations. I think I have decided 2 I will progress with on what’s app. As they are closer and better communicators. Maybe not 100% my type though. But I would rather they are decent people! So we will see!

I absolutely agree about communication.
It's the going from lots of chatty messages....to one a day....to nothing.

It's upsetting!

Good communication is essential for me. Any first messages of hi or 👋 get instantly unmatched - it’s so lazy

I’ll always ask questions to keep a chat flowing but if they give closed response's which means I’m making all the effort, they’re gone.

Last one I messaged I asked a couple of questions and he replied ‘definatly’ (SIC) - don’t even know what question he was replying to 🤷‍♀️

How on earth do they think we can respond to that?

I'm considering messaging "hibernating" guy as I totally see now, thanks to messaging here that I did sound like I couldn't be arsed. There was no date made despite him suggesting a couple of days.
It's just the dwindling contact that's putting me off. I don't cope well with rejection at all.
As I said - I'm new to this!

I ask questions to get chat flowing, though I find a lot of men seem to be quite lazy with giving closed answers, and then not asking one back.

As an example, I asked one guy "Whereabouts are you based?"

His answer "London"

My response "London's a big place lol, just trying to guage how near or far away we are from each other"

His answer "North London"

Then he didn't ask any questions, despite me leading into it. I unmatched him.

Sometimes it's like pulling teeth!