Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Loopylooni thank you, I do think that. I’m so upset though, it’s like I can’t do anything right, I am kind and caring but not overly affectionate, I’m open about my past but not emotional about it, I communicate openly and honestly, but either I get ghosted or told that I want something more (I really don’t).
It’s like he’s self sabotaged it and is trying to blame me, I feel so rejected though

@Mountainormolehills sending you a massive hug and a virtual 🍷

@Browniesandcustard thank you, I honestly feel cursed! I could understand if I was clearly after marriage and settling down, but I’m really clear that’s not what I want - I swear I must give off wifey energy! I feel so shit though - it was clear that we have great sexual and friend chemistry, but apparently that’s too much. I want to cry

@Mountainormolehills I think that may be it. I removed myself recently from a relationship with Mr Music as we had ridiculous chemistry, spent time together outside of the house and I am ready for more - he felt a blocker with me (a him problem not me, which still stings!). However, he still wanted to continue as we were which was a head fuck for me!

Sometimes when you have a quasi-relationship it feels like a relationship and can be confusing, regardless of how clear you are. Actions speak louder than words, IMO.

You’ll find your person who wants, and is able to deal with, an exclusive FWB.

I hope so @LittleFloatingGhost .
I know I have high standards but honestly I thought getting some regular, casual sex with a bit of chat would be easy, it’s been anything but!

@Mountainormolehills aw I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Have you had a FWB previously.....sorry I'm just dipping in and not fully up to speed with the thread

@LuckyLinda3 yes a couple but they didn’t last, just fizzled out, nothing major happened

Wow, as a now 8 years single 45 year old man, reading this thread has convinced me I'm never going to find anyone. 😕

Why?? Surely the thread shows there are nice and adequate women on the apps?

@Telemakus....why do you feel like that

Keep manifesting ladies
Just had 3 matches on B
Only problem is, two have the same name, this could be tricky 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣🤣

And I am/have nothing that any of them would be interested in.

Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed reading them and it's been eye opening getting the 'female perspective' as it were, but when I think about it I am at the very bottom rung of the ladder. I'm below the guys that you ladies sometimes match but have zero attraction towards, because I don't even get the bored/accidental matches.

Life just wasn't meant to turn out this way.

I may be overthinking the whole message thing.

I did say to him that I was hibernating until the end of the month but would definitely catch up with him after that and said he could buy me a wine, to which he replied "my pleasure."

When I didn't hear from him for a day, then he replied, one of the things he asked was if I was still hibernating.

I said yes, until the end of the month.
Then he left me on read.

Anyone good at reading between the lines?

I'm now wondering if he's just thinking 'cool, I'll catch up with her and buy her a wine when she comes out at the end of the month."
Am I ridiculous for expecting him to message me more??

@Glitterboobz why are you hibernating?

@Glitterboobz if I was reading between the lines, he has left the ball in your court. You have told him that you’re hibernating until end of April. He may not be open to a drink then.

Personally, not knowing your reasons, I’d have arranged a drink. The greater gap usually means interest fades - this happens even with a confirmed date.

Sort of comes across like you’re not too bothered about a date with him.

@LittleFloatingGhost ahh yes I totally see how that comes across.

Kind of flippant - sorry I'm hibernating, see you at some point though!

I'm hibernating/taking some time out to spend time at home as I've been busy and travelling a lot the past couple of months.

Made me think of this quote (applies to everyone on this thread btw, and in life in general)

I know it isn't how you've intended it to sound, but if someone told me they didn't want to meet me cos they were hibernating, I would think they couldn't be arsed.

This applies to all things except love and getting GP appointments.

So just an update...
Agreed to go on a date with Mr beard. Agreed the day but not the time or finer details yet.... and now he's gone quiet and I haven't heard from him all day/evening.
I just know I'm being ghosted out! It's just typical behaviour isn't it.
Really feel like I've just lost my umph with it tbh! I really don't want a day/week of wondering tomorrow onwards.....

Sorry I pressed send to soon!
He's texted quite consistently and a lot over the past week so the silence is just obvious!

@Mountainormolehills it sounds like your man was developing feelings for you, and has run away from them because he wanted FWB, and can't face blaming himself so instead looking at you. Sorry it's turned out that way.

@blacksocks33 when was the last message? While not having taken my own advice(!), I'd just message if you want to keep in occasional contact with him before meeting up.

He text this morning and then nothing all day and evening.
I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but he's quite a frequent and consistent texter so to have not heard all evening for me is telling.
I also think I'm sticking to my standards with contact now. I'm not interested in getting involved in someone who is going to just go silent, causing me stress. We all get busy, and if he texts me tomorrow and acknowledges it then fine, but if not I'm not just going to be ok with hot and cold. It doesn't take much to just say "I'm busy, will chat tomorrow" or something along those lines!!
I just know I can't deal with the ghosting in any form. I can't get involved in someone who does that!
I can't see that I'll hear from him now...