Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh my gosh I think I was just sick a little bit!

Sounds like things are going well @Bestlife18, which is lovely to hear.

Mr Local asked for a second date, and I eventually said I was too busy, rather than that I didn't think there was enough of a connection between us.

My matches this week have been few and far between, and the ones I have had either don't talk, or just say hi and nothing else!

I've name changed for this. I'm back on the dating scene for the first time in ages.
Is this common - met a guy, we chatted a lot on messages, he was replying quickly, double/triple messages, invited me out somewhere etc etc.
Then after a day..... Hours to reply/not replying??
How on earth can you go from Mr Attentive to not being arsed in a day??

@Glitterboobz just guessing, but he might not be exactly single and first day was talking on his free/single day, or was talking to several people at once and someone else grabbed his attention more.
Or simply at work today etc and can’t give you attention. Inconsistency and guesswork is probably the worst thing about OLD, but at very early stages when people just start talking to you I guess it comes with the territory 🤷‍♀️

@librauk lol at the guy’s reply! Well it tells you at least there’s no point in continuing chatting to him!

@Glitterboobz Yes it's normal (as in, it happens) for both men and women to be fickle. But if you don't like it, then that's your dealbreaker. If someone is making you overthink things at an early stage, not good. I prefer men who are stable and decent.

@RadiantRainbow
it's a strange one, a bit like @Glitterboobz
Lovely attentive chat, but then slowly down to less n less
That was when I asked , what he with looking for
Thing is I kinda knew what the answer was going to be lol
He lives very close to me, yet when I have hinted a meet up
He has always come back with , going to his ....
He was going for a shower....you could come scrub my back
Doing his HW ....you could come and help me
I just don't know, if I do send a message he has always replied quickly
I know how long he has been single, his name , his job
Arghhh , it is very frustrating, but I am at the point now, of just giving up.
To be fair, I am not the best texter, I feel I'm better IRL , maybe I'm the problem?

@cassiatwenty
I think I may take that advice ☺️

Sorry I'm a bit confused...
How long have you been chatting? Have you actually met up?

I'm a big advocate of asking instead of wondering because the wondering is so stressful. If you notice a change over time just ask if you're both still on the same page! If it's just one day he's gone quiet then he may just have stuff on!

@blacksocks33 we met in person at an event, then started following each other on Instagram and chatting after that.
It literally went from day one where he was sending messages throughout the day, long ones, double triple messages.... To day two when I messaged him and he took 24 hours to reply. When he replied it was three messages in a row, all lovely etc.
Then I replied yesterday evening and I've been on "read" ever since.

I'm just baffled as to why he's gone from the constant messages to not replying.

@Glitterboobz ahhh I see what you mean! So you met at an event, followed eachother and had great chat for a day and now nothing.
It's so frustrating and misleading isn't it.
Unfortunately this so pretty standard behaviour, on OLD anyway :( I've been really excited about chats.. dates even and then the person just disappears. People are often too cowardly to end chats properly and jus ghost.
It may be also that he didn't want to pursue dating and now has nothing further to say?

I hope you're ok! Try and give yourself a cut off for when you accept he won't return and you can leave him behind you!

Well I have a weird update.
With Mr TV we agreed to meet this Sunday coming, conversation was ok, but felt a little off.

This morning he says that he feels like it’s going too quickly for him, he’s not ready for a relationship, he’s wanting to pull back etc. I tell him I don’t want a relationship, I want a FWB which is why I’m on Feeld, but I am nurturing and caring with everyone - so maybe that’s what got him confused. He says that he feels really comfortable with me, I am kind and sexy, but that it’s just too much too soon so he just wants to be friends right now.

It’s frustrating, I feel embarrassed and rejected, all I wanted was a consistent FWB who I got along with, and I felt he had potential. I’m guessing his Fearful Avoidant is shouting loudly but I’m so fed up of this, I just want a consistent person to chat and have fun with, flirt and be intimate with.

Im so pissed off, he created this situation too, I do feel comfortable with him and I do really like him but don’t create a situation that you can’t cope with ffs.

I had 2 dates over the weekend. The first one was with an older man, and he turned out to be even less attractive in person and too full on. Second one wasn't too bad, he was nice and actually looked like his picture but no spark really.

@librauk are you looking for FB/FWB? that's what his messages suggest to me

This is so awful!
And a typical pattern at the same time, of someone being scared when things start going well, they feel uncomfortable, because likely in their childhood love equalled instability, having to deserve it and rejection, so going stable in its safety feels unsafe.
But ultimately it means you wouldn't be happy with a guy like this sooner or later, he is not healthy enough for anything even just as minimal as a steady FWB, let alone emotional investment. Must be incredibly frustrating and sad, sending hugs!

@librauk come scrub my back?? ewww that would give me the ick, this early on anyway, if you don't even know if you fancy him in RL!

@Mountainormolehills do you think he sensed you were quite a decent person and would eventually want more?

@Loopylooni yes, essentially that I am a consistent, considerate person, but I was never looking for more than FWB from him or anyone else.
@RadiantRainbow he (and me!) both have Fearful Avoidant attachment style, this is 💯 his coming into play. I have not been full on, but I think he’s scared by his feelings - this is not a me problem, but it does seem to keep happening to me so I will do some gentle self reflection.

I will be totally honest - I am attractive, I have a nice home, great interesting and senior job, I am funny and interesting , intelligent and caring. I think when dating people are intimidated by me (mostly men) and expect me to act superior, which I don’t, but equally I am aware of my worth and I don’t accept lazy dating where I’m expected to do everything.
I was matching his energy, and openness, and I was vulnerable, I have been hurt by my ex and I need someone to be honest, which tbf he was but it’s very frustrating and hard not to feel like there’s something wrong with me.

Lmao 😜 So embarrassing!! I just posted this message on Film and TV thread instead of here:

Kinda off-topic but I reckon I would like someone to hold my hand if we were to watch 'Saltburn' together. I still didn't watch it cos I'm scared Blonde and/or ginger men with nice arms/biceps, big plus

#manifesting

Pretty safe to say I'd forgot my head if it wasn't screwed on at this point

😂😂😂😂for me it’s just the strong forearms and not bothered about the rest 😂😂

Unless it's Dan Snow ofc @VanillaSox 😉

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I should wear a sign saying I am a Sapiosexual who wants to listen to history lecture while gazing at strong forearms 😂😂. Unfortunately did get all that with MrWozfunnest 😁😁

@cassiatwenty I will join you in your #manifesting! Tall, dirty blonde, beard and tattoos will do me nicely!

I wonder whether it suddenly all felt very real to him rather than words on a screen and he panicked. I dont think its you. He just got cold feet

@Mountainormolehills that message was for you!