Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@blacksocks33 sometimes I think the chat slows down when there is no date lined up - have you suggested meeting? The chat then tends to slow down once you've fixed a date, mind... @ChampagneNightmares similarly if you'd like to meet him just suggest a few options - the worst he can say is no and then at least you know one way or the other. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I get a bit annoyed that men seem to think that just because on Bumble women message first, they have to take the initiative for everything. However some genuinely think this is how it works.

Hey happy Sunday all, I hope everyone is doing well. I didn't go out on any dates this weekend. Mr T didn't do anything wrong, I just need to recharge my batteries and be kind to myself before I can be kind to myself.

I had a great chat with Mr Brim (he is my friend irl) and I asked him for his honest opinion on areas I needed to improve. I got some really good advice on setting boundaries, handling conflict and being more assertive.

I think he was right, sometimes I can be overly accommodating which can leave me burnt out and exhausted, so I am learning to say no and set limits in advance how much I am willing (or unwilling) to do for them. I realised I also have a relationship with myself and I need not to push myself too hard when I'm drained or exhausted with dates or just life in general.

@cassiatwenty great advice from your friend there and definitely what I am trying to do too, it’s not always easy though!

Hey there,

Been keeping up with the chat this week. I was speaking to someone who works locally to my office. The chat was good, I was a little unsure on his photos, some attractive others less so. We had a voice chat and I agreed to meet for lunch Tuesday coming.

Had a FaceTime chat Friday night and really pleased I did. Definitely not for me. his dog was licking his face, I just didn’t find him attractive and he shared more about his hobbies/interests which were quite different. So I messaged next day and said I was not feeling it.

Naively I didn’t think I’d still be OLD. Single 18 months. Two short relationships and I keep chucking myself back in so I don’t miss an opportunity! But equally I just can’t be arsed. It shouldn’t be this hard.

@LittleFloatingGhost well done for keeping your boundaries and not meeting up with someone who doesn’t do it for you. It’s really hard OLD sometimes but you are doing really well, you should be proud of yourself and be kind to yourself too.

Omg that would have done it for me too! What a lucky escape.

This whole dating thing is messing with my sleep for sure, keep waking up super early. Urgh!

Happy Sunday all. After over 3 yrs together DP has just started working alternate weekends, 8 in morning to 9 at night.
I work full time Monday to Friday and I'm now wondering how we make it work. We usually go out Saturday nights and then have a lie on Sunday morning then go for a drive/lunch. As we don't live together that time is very important but now it's limited going forward to every other weekend.
We both want to make it work but as I'm a classic overthinker I'm worried it will change things.

@blacksocks33 @Chocolatefreak when I first gave him my number I said that I'd like to meet in person soon but he said that he didn't like to meet quickly and wanted to take time getting to know me first. So I have respected that and am leaving it up to him to make the first move on his time line. Which is clearly different to mine.

@blacksocks33 sorry, I just re-read about that message! What a miserable git! You did the right thing to block him.

@cassiatwenty that is great advice from your friend and so true! OLD is hard work and sometimes you do just need to put yourself first in it all.

@LittleFloatingGhost I don't hold out hope for finding someone TBH. I'm generally happy with the idea of being single forever. What depresses me is the idea of never having a decent sex life again. 😫

@ChampagneNightmares Like you I am happy single, well I thought I was! I am really missing having my person, someone to wake up with etc.

Sex is obviously a high priority but I can’t just do that with anyone - I tried.

I am not forcing a relationship, have standards and know what I want. I’m just impatient and want it now 😂😂😂

@LittleFloatingGhost 😆funnily enough that is exactly how I feel. I just want the perfect partner to appear right now!

@LuckyLinda3 How does his new shift pattern affect his football coaching and time with his kids?

If he works weekends does he get days off in the week?
Is there any chance of meeting up then?

How has this job change came about?
Why suddenly after 3 years is he having to work every other weekend?
Promotion or?

Its.not overthinking when your time together was already limited and will be limited even more.

I dated a couple of guys last year who worked 4on, 4 off and I realised it would never work with my mainly M - f, 9 - 5 job so ended things.

@LuckyLinda3 I always worked shifts when I was with my ex. It can be difficult if you're someone who wants a lot of a time with a parent (I am not). If you have to factor kids etc in then it does become a lot harder. I'd say see how it goes with the every other weekend arrangement and take it from there.

@SortingItOut you just summed it up in your post there.
His boys are adults so not a major issue, he won't be available for his football on his working weekends but I'm interested to see how it pans out on his weekends off
It's a permanent promotion so although he has to work every second weekend he will actually have less shifts every fortnight but as you rightly say I will be working on his days off. Possibility for evenings though as I can finish at 4.
To be fair he did discuss all with me before accepting the position but I don't feel it was right for him to refuse on my account as it involves a significant pay increase but all the same I'm concerned about the impact on us.
I think as @ChampagneNightmares suggests we will have to try it for a while and see.
How's things with you

So I asked Mr Beard what he was looking for and I'm abit confused by his reply... but I'm not sure if I'm over thinking it!
He basically said that he was looking for something meaningful, he's not a one night stand type of person.... all sounds good right? But then he said that he's quite laid back, but committed if it works. I wonder what that means? Maybe it just means what it says in the can?

@blacksocks33 i would think that means he is committed with the right person?? As not everyone is going to be the right person?

I have got a whole lot of matches but I’m over thinking and wondering if they’re my type etc do other people do this? I just would prefer the real world so I at least know what they look like. Clearly I’m being fussy!

I would read that as he wants a proper relationship with the right person. But wants to take his time to decide about a person.

@Tillievanilly I think this is where I struggle. I prefer meeting people IRL. Because how they come across online can be totally different to how they are in reality.

Yeah you're both right! And that's what I initially thought but I honestly feel like I misread everything OLD nowadays 😅

I read that as not too interested in casual, ideally wanting the right person but taking their time.

Ahh wel that's good, I guess we're kind of looking for the same thing then!
I made a match profile and thought I'll pay the 6 months so it's like a tenner a month... but maybe just see how this next week goes with this guy first.
Literally no other decent chats going in though... it's depressing!

Someone just said this...
"Why do you look sensible and innocent but look like trouble at the same time?".

I just want to reply saying GET A LIFE.

Wtf even is that?!?!

I had one message and say “clearly you need me” I ignored and he messaged a few hours later saying “fact”

Clearly I don’t mate but I just deleted!

@blacksocks33 I think that sounds v hopeful. Fingers crossed for this one.

@Tillievanilly I totally do the overthinking the matches. I had a massive cull and deleted all of them and have now started a new collection. It's dreadful really. I either end up deleting because I'm fairly sure I won't find them attractive in real life or because I think they aren't going to fancy me which is even more ridiculous.

I've just had a message from one who looks like he works out a lot. Now I am at the gym often myself at the moment but it's a work in Progress shall we say 😆 so automatically I'm thinking I'll not bother replying because I'm not fit enough for him but he has matched with me.

Self sabotage I guess in my case. I am a classic over thinker though and I'm not sure OLD and over thinkers are a good match!!

@blacksocks33

Ive had a few ‘you look like trouble’ comments - deleted

And I had one earlier saying ‘wow you’re a lady who knows how to party’ - what because I’m not at home 24/7 watching Netflix and hoovering?