Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Glad to see some good updates. I'm still chatting to the same bloke (will call him Mr Chatty) but I'm thinking I need to bin him off. The chat is good but it's clear he has no intention of meeting up anytime soon. I prefer to meet in person quickly. He also works shifts which would make meeting up a nightmare. I have kids. To top it off, it is clear from what he does talk about he is a bit of a hermit, even though he seems very nice. I would just prefer someone a bit more sociable.

I think I am just totally burnt out with dating. It feels like a full time job on top of everything else in life making the effort to chat to and meet new people. I sometimes think I am too quick to find a reason to ditch someone and don't let things develop organically. Part of me is tempted to keep Mr Chatty hanging around just because it could be a chance for something to develop slowly. But then I just think I'm kidding myself.

I've got a date this weekend. It's with an older man and I'm not sure I'd fancy him. 3 other dates in different stages of planning, which all excite me a bit more. Including one that was not asking too many questions at one point... I'm keeping an open mind!

Lots of positives on here 🤞🏼 for you all. I have deleted and rejoined 2 apps. I have had a few entertaining chats and a few boring. I need a good communicator or I get bored it seems. Mr D is my type but that chat had gone down hill a bit. I will give him a chance later and see. But have another chat going on with a good communicator. Another one who is miles away but hilarious which is a shame….

@SamW98 😆 you definitely don't sound like someone who should stay blessed, think that was a good shout!

Re rescue dog, I'd definitely keep an open mind. Unless you really hate dogs. I totally get the phone call thing. I'd honestly rather meet in person that have a call. Last one I had a call with refused to meet without a call. I ended up having a glass of wine before and during it which to be fair did seem to help. But looking back I really should have gleaned more information from him than I did which would then have stopped me from meeting with him. He was a virtual recluse and spoke quite openly about that when we met.

I think I got caught up in feeling anxious about it being an interview of me. Whereas I should have been thinking about it as an opportunity to get intel on him to help me make my decision up about whether I wanted to meet him.

I guess you don't have to be on the phone for long. I did also speak to date No 3 before we met as he just called randomly whilst we were texting and I just shut the conversation down quite quickly with him but we had a firm plan to meet. Not sure why so many of them want to speak on the phone first, I thought maybe it was an age thing but sounds like the younger ones do too.

Hope it goes well for you. Maybe ask about the dog, does he has a back up carer for it 😆

@cassiatwenty hope you are doing ok and you got something nice at the shops. And a giant bag of frazzles. Sounds like you need some r & r.

@ChampagneNightmares I totally relate, it sounds like you need a break too maybe. I am definitely being too quick to ditch but equally it messes with my head having them hang about with no date in sight.

@Tillievanilly how many miles is miles away for you? I've extended my search range twice now in the hope that helps but ultimately I still rule a lot out based on location. I don't mind the idea of longer distance as long as they live somewhere nice. The one I liked the look of the most was the other end of the Uk though so that obviously wasn't go to work out!

Good to luck to everyone else who has a date planned for tonight or this weekend!

I’ve extended my distance but it depends in which direction as to whether I consider it too far.
Im just outside the M25 and to drive miles around that or into London is a nightmare. Though heading slightly more in a northern direction is a pretty straight run so I’d consider that.

Mr T is in Kent which isn’t ideal as anyone who’s driven through the tunnel will testify but let’s see

I've not heard from Mr beard today! I would normally have heard from him a couple times by now over the past few days... what's the bet guys? Do we think he'll come back 🙈

I won't be reaching out to him as I messaged him last and he had plenty to reply to!

@Mckittens I hate the hanging around with no date in sight. The problem I have is that the last guy I had who was nice to chat to was a lovely personality, I just did not physically fancy him in the flesh. It sounds superficial, but he smelt really bad and he had horrible grubby fingernails. I couldn't be intimate with him! I don't want to waste weeks getting to know someone who doesn't wash properly again!!

I have a long-awaited date with Mr Crash tonight. His chat has been lovely and thoughtful, let's see if he's the same in person.

@Chocolatefreak really hope it goes well tonight with Mr Crash, you'll need to update us.

@ChampagneNightmares that does not sound superficial at all. Poor personal hygiene at any time is rotten but on a first date what hope is there.

I'm just the same, I don't want to waste time or get my hopes up when there are so many potential reasons why it probably won't work out once you actually do meet. I can already tell that Mr A is going to either be a slow fade or at best a v slow burn of a couple of weeks of slow messaging and then probably he'll want a call before we even get to the stage of thinking about a possible meeting 🤦‍♀️

Meanwhile how do I stop myself thinking about it? I get so invested, and I really don't want to. it's not like I don't have anything else going on in my life. So bloody annoying.

@blacksocks33, I'm sorry about Mr Beard, he might still message tonight maybe. Have you got any other chats going on at all?

I guess as we haven't met yet, I kind of have no expectations that he will return to the chat!
I literally haven't got any other chats going on though with is abit disappointing! I don't know why but I'm just really struggling to get a genuine chat going atm :(

@ChampagneNightmares

Totally. I’m not wasting weeks messaging anymore. I’ve always said if they can’t meet within 3 weeks without a very valid reason - holidays etc - then I’m out.

I made an exception recently as his dad had recently passed away but he ended up a low effort time waster who’s idea of a first date was meeting up in his break at work at 10am Saturday morning but I had to drive to where he works and he’ll be in his uniform ffs.

@Mckittens total opposite ends of the country a flight would be easier!
Im south and i do not mind outskirts of London but m25 puts me off of travel too. I tend to go for around an hour. However on tinder I have found a few less than an hour so we will see!

@Tillievanilly your one at the opposite of the country is likely near to me and my one is probably near to you 😆 definitely a flight away. Such a shame!

@Mckittens It is hard not to get invested. But when I do, I keep telling myself there will be some awful reason why he will disappoint me. Which probably isn't helpful either! I don't know the answer.

@SamW98 10am on a weekend?! That's not a date! Unless it was breakfast!!

@blacksocks33 what apps are you on? I find some men are more chatty on match compared to Bumble.

@ChampagneNightmares I have bumble tinder and hinge although literally NEVER go in hinge as it's crap!
I'm tempted my match but I really don't want to have to pay for it :(

@blacksocks33 that is the only problem it is more expensive. But I don't know of that makes the men make a bit more effort?! Who knows.

Well just had an hour long call with Mr T and he seems nice and normal. It wasn’t awkward and we chatted without silences.

He asked if I’m free next weekend so let’s watch this space

Yay! That's so great @SamW98!!

Really good news @SamW98

Hello everyone, sorry I've been AWOL from the chat had one of those weeks where everything that could go wrong has gone wrong! I have a third meeting with my guy (forgot what nickname I even gave him 😂) tomorrow night! Sounds like we've both had bad weeks and could use some companionship...! Wish these kind of low effort, but clear communication type of relationships could have longevity but I know at some point he will expect more and I can't give it to him!! Am going to read back through the thread and try and catch up with everyone but @SamW98 good idea with having strict boundaries... play the long game and don't settle for anything less

One thing I’ve noticed with men I speak to is that when I say I’ve been single 4 years, they react in shock/surprise and seem to find it hard to believe that it’s possible to be single that long. I do feel like it puts some men off - has anyone else noticed that?

And it does seem most of the men on OLD hate only been single a few months - like more than about 3 months on their own and they’re straight back on the apps.