Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

It’s not even about being pushy, they done even ask general questions or answer rather ask them.

Its like pulling teeth trying to get any sort of chat going

I agree, it's either not interested or not being able to hold a conversation, both of which are not good. One of the conversations is in tinder, if I like the last message, is that low effort enough (to match the vibe) 😆

What k actually meant to say is they don’t even answer what we ask.

As per previous example, just a general ‘what you up to the weekend’ type question gets a ‘hi 👋’ response.

I read their answer and think ‘what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?’ 🤣

I match the effort to give them one chance to try harder.

I’ve started 👋 back now see if that kicks them into action but it doesn’t.

Earlier I got a 👋 so as a test I sent a 👋 back. Then I got hi in response so said hi back.
And the response that was lol

FFS mate use words 🤣

Did you LOL him back @SamW98 😆

I agree @User990 where it's low effort I've been going with the low effort in return approach/ match the vibe to see as say @SamW98 if it kicks them into action but generally I've been finding it just kills the 'conversation' dead.

I have actually had some chat earlier where they asked some interesting questions, well one but you know got to give credit where it's due. But then he called me beautiful which is usually an automatic block and delete but I've let it slide given his ability to do reciprocal messaging. I am assuming as someone else pointed out earlier, sorry can't remember who, that they use beautiful, babe etc when they are not wanting to get the name wrong.

Any date updates? Hope you all having a good weekend whether dates involved or not.

The burning down the haystack method suggests this too - mirror how they speak to you so if it’s a “hi” then “hi” back - brilliant!

Think this was me who said about them not wanting to get name wrong 😂

i am meeting mine at 5 so fingers crossed will report back later!!

Good luck @Bestlife18 hope it goes well!

@SamW98 love the ‘hi,’ ‘hi’ approach. Although I do tend to find an intro from me of ‘how’s your week/end going’ gets the majority replying as they can talk about themselves 😂

Hi, can I join in on here please? I've recently come back to OLD after a bit of a break. Still finding it as demoralising as ever. 🙄

So i didn't hear from my newish chatty match again today... so I think that one is done! He did say he had a busy weekend on Friday but I don't think that warrants radio silence! Ahh frustrating as he is the one o was feeling abit hopefully for! I'll give him another day with him being busy this weekend but then I'll unmatch :(

Absolutely zero other conversations or prospects! But I will keep on going!

Looking forward to hearing this weekends date updates from others!

It can be @ChampagneNightmares I just try not to take it personally as I know many women are in the same boat even younger ones in their 20s! One of the last guys I was talking to on Hinge had barely anything on his profile. His pictures were decent but didn’t give away much and he hadn’t written anything about himself, his hobbies, if he has kids, what he does for work and what’s he’s looking for.

I’ve taken to just asking men like this direct questions about their circumstances
because I can’t bear another useless conversation or to waste my time boosting some married man’s ego.

I’m chatting to a guy who from the sounds of things lives a 5 minute walk from me (quite the coincidence in London…).

Is this a no-go?

@Crushed23 that sounds good but proceed with caution, maybe meet at somewhere not too close to your house just in case

How quickly would you move to what’s app chat instead of the app? I have matched with a guy completely my type the chat is good but so slow on the app. He tends to reply in the morning and again late at night. So building a rapport is tricky. He says he would like a relationship but I don’t want to scare him it’s been 3/4 days of slow messaging…

@Stillhopefull I am quite direct/blunt now. I'm the same, I can't be bothered wasting my time chatting to people who have no intention of meeting up.

@Tillievanilly Don't presume it would be any better off the app! The last bloke I dated was like this even on WhatsApp. I really liked him and we had a great couple of dates together. But there was just no chance to build rapport between dates because of his slow messaging. We both had kids so could go a couple of weeks without meeting.

Hi everyone - date update, he turned up and was lovely, much better looking irl and taller than I thought. Had a good two hours talking and then home. Got absolutely like a drowned rat as well in the rain. I went in for a peck on the cheek and he went in for a full on snog which was really good. Now at that point of trying not to get too invested!!! It’s so hard!!

I go to WhatsApp quickly because I’m on there all the time so it’s much easier than going in and out of the app. I’m very quick to block though if they get on my nerves 🤣

Great update @Bestlife18

Same - I was telling a 27 year old male colleague this yesterday! Move to it when you can, saves a hassle!

Thank you all! I’ll suggest that when he replies. I always get frustrated going in and out the app. It’s normally the men that suggest what’s app, he has mentioned meeting for coffee so hopefully we will get somewhere!

Hi, so I have walked away. Deleted details
and blocked.

I asked him and he said friends, we spoke about the fact we slept together he said was a mistake but agreed it would likely happen again if we continue. I asked why he doesn’t pursue (why not? He was there!) and he said for him there’s this blocker and he doesn’t know what it is but it is there. He mentioned maintaining contact and I was like no, this is it, which I think surprised him. Haven’t got space for him and someone else, so this is it. I am not dating for a while now. I have said this before but I am really bruised right now and can’t manage any other rejection.

Had to block and delete as know I would have reached out.

@LittleFloatingGhost oh, so sorry he didn’t want to take it further, and great job on discussing it directly.

Ultimately whoever doesn’t choose you for whatever reasons wouldn’t have been right for you, but it’s still incredibly difficult when you start genuinely caring about someone.

Makes me feel to be honest that however desperate I am for sex if it comes to it with my iron, to hold out until I know definitely he wants to be more than short term committed (well he already said so but I need to be sure in it for myself)🤔

I think it’s extremely difficult not to get attached if the sex is good…😞

Take time to heal, Ghost, and I am absolutely sure he has freed the space up for someone better once you can face dating again…

@RadiantRainbow Thank you 💛

I get where you’re coming from and hope it works out

@LittleFloatingGhost It's wise of you to do it like this, and I agree with you that it's difficult to have space in your life for him and someone else. However I have no doubt that this is hard right now. Take all the time you need to heal.